How do you feel about getting approval from the in-laws before the proposal?

I think it depends on your family dynamics. I'm very close with my family and he's very close with his, so it only made sense to make sure both families were onboard. We met each other's parents within a few weeks of starting to date and spent time with both of them. It would have been very off putting to my parents if he didn't talk to them (I don't know that he asked permission) just as it would be to his parents if I never met them before. Our culture is very big on families, and with marriage it's more the blending of families, not just the two people getting married.

I think it’s nice to ask for your FIL’s blessing, but not necessarily their “permission.” I feel like asking “permission” is like implying that she couldn’t make her own decision, but asking for a blessing is just showing your FILs that you value their approval!

I know that my Schmoo did. I'm not sure if it was a great idea or a bad idea--in theory it was super important to me that he did because of a lot of long history between our relationship and my parents. But, whether as a result of it or general ennui about our relationship, when I called to tell them we were engaged, their reaction was...pretty lackluster. So I'm not sure if it was good or bad or neutral, but it means a lot to me that he did it, knowing that I wanted him to.

He asked my mom first because she's the one in my life and he asked my dad more of as a formality because my dad and I are not close.

What we did was we sat with my parents together and said we wanted to talk to them. He asked for their blessing and support and even articulated that we weren’t asking for permission (we are adults making our decision!)

but, all that being said it’s super nice to know my parents are supportive and anticipating it.

My FH spoke with both sets of our parents before proposing. He knew it was important to my family (and me) that he speak with them prior. He didn't ask permission but, informed them of his intention and asked for their support. He also had a similar conversation with his parents. I'm glad he did!

I told my FH not to ask my parents permission. I really dislike the tradition and it's also really not for me. I had a very dysfunctional childhood, with both parents being alcoholics. I love my parents but their approval of who I marry before I even have a chance to give approval was not appropriate. Plus, neither of my parents can keep a secret

It was never important to me. But I knew my parents would be touched and it is important to them, so I advised FH to ask and he did.

My husband asked my mom before he proposed to me. I though it was sweet he talked to her about it.

I think it's a nice gesture and shows respect for your SO's family, but that's really all it is. We're both adults and certainly don't need anyone's permission to do anything.

edit: And, yes, FH did tell my dad he was going to propose before he did. I don't know exactly how it went down though.

My FMIL knew months before it happened, my parents knew the day we left for our trip. He asked for the blessing but waited until the day we left because my parents would have ruined everything! They almost spilled the beans five minutes into knowing. I was surprised he asked though

I told my FH that he had to let my siblings know before anything (they're all very important to both of us), and get their approvals (which we knew whenever the time came, they'd be thrilled). He asked them and he said that he also asked my parents and I guess my dad ruined the big plan that he had so he had to come up with another one, but he did ask both of my parents and did let both of his parents know prior to asking me.

The only people who knew that FH was going to propose were his parents, and that was after he came home from purchasing the ring. It was actually a pretty funny story. But he thought about talking to my parents about it. My family lives far enough away that you wouldn't just drive there, and he felt that it wasn't anything that should be discussed over the phone, and he struggled with the implications of "asking for a blessing/permission" vs. just including them. I would have liked it if he did talk to them first, but at the end of the day, it doesn't matter. We're still getting married either way!

This is such a no for me. I don't see why my parents should know about a proposal before I do. I'm the one who's making the decision. FH didn't ask, and I'm pretty sure he knows how angry I would be if he did. He did speak to them after I said yes.

My FH asked, but he did it over the phone because we were overseas. Lol I kind’ve wished he would’ve asked in person but my dad approved so it worked out. He actually asked my mom & grandparents in person tho which was really important for me..either way had they approved or not I would’ve said yes!

My now hubby discussed it with HIS parents, lol. My parents had passed, and he did clear it with my kids.
I love the idea!!!

My father passed away a year before I met my FH but he asked my mom for her blessing. I like that he did but I guess it's not for everyone.

He asked my dad while we were visiting my parents for Thanksgiving. I didn't know until I called my parents to tell them we were engaged and my dad was like yeah I knew it was coming lol. He was sworn to secrecy though and my mom was a little sad she didn't know but she has a big mouth and would have leaked that he was going to propose lol

Yes! My FH asked both of my parents for their blessing, not their permission!

My FH and I had already discussed getting married and I had showed him pictures of what I wanted him to use as inspiration when he did the design for my custom ring. My mom knew and gave her opinion on the inspiration photos so there was no need to ask her. But he involved her in the planning of how to propose. He did as my father beforehand as a formality but it was more to please my dad than me wanting him to ask my dad's permission. I really only cared about my mom's permission and she had already welcomed him into the family years ago as my FH without us being engaged.