Skip to main content

Post content has been hidden

To unblock this content, please click here

andrea
Dedicated July 2010

how do you plan a wedding and get over a lost of of your unborn child?

andrea, on May 30, 2010 at 9:52 AM Posted in Planning 0 21

I just found out on fri that I'm having a misscarrage(because i havent full lost the cells so the doc's call having) Well we are getting married in 41 days and for the past few days I dont feel like doing any wedding stuff and every time I try to sit down and do something I change my mind... I havent want to come on to tell anyone on here... so has this ever happen to anyone els??? If it did what did you do get over it????

21 Comments

Latest activity by andrea, on June 2, 2010 at 8:13 AM
  • Mrs. Jayjohn
    Master August 2010
    Mrs. Jayjohn ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content

    Oh Andrea, I am so sorry to hear/read about your loss. While I've never been in your shoes I have friends that have lost their pregnancy's and they both needed time to grieve. I don't think there is anything wrong with taking some time away from the planning to grieve. I wish you and your Fh all the best during this troubled time.

    • Reply
  • Not-A-Bridezilla
    Master May 2010
    Not-A-Bridezilla ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content

    I am so sorry for your loss. I can't imagine what you are going through-- many women have miscarriages before they even know they are pregnant (scary to think any of us could have had a number of them and just not know) but to know and lose your baby is horrible. I encourage you to reach out to all the women on here as many have been in the same boat and could be a big help to you. Also, thebump.com may be a good resource for you. As far as the wedding goes-- try and not to let yourself stress out about it. You have enough going on right now. Do you have a wedding party? Put them to work! They should be understanding and try to help as much as possible. If not, they aren't worth having in your wedding party. Also-- if you put up something on here I am sure most of the brides on here will be willing to help with whatever you need done. Take care, and I'm so sorry for your loss

    • Reply
  • Barbara
    Expert August 2011
    Barbara ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content

    Andrea, i am truly sorry for your loss. i have been there.. not in the middle of wedding planning stress at the time but.. like "not" says enlist the help of others and give yourself the time you need now.. so you can enjoy your wedding... hugs to you and fh !

    • Reply
  • C
    VIP October 2010
    Christie ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content

    My heart goes out to you. No you are not the only woman to lose her baby. My grandmother lost two and then had five. You need to give yourself time to heal. The fact that your wedding is so close I know complicates things, but right now that should take a back seat. Get help from anyone you can. I don't know if it is too soon, but you and your future husband may want some little memorial type service to say good bye to your child. If you are up to it maybe a special candle or arrangement can be included in the wedding to honor the child you lost. Don't rush these things though. You need time.

    • Reply
  • ♥ Elizabeth Nicole ♥
    Master May 2011
    ♥ Elizabeth Nicole ♥ ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content

    It is perfectly acceptable and okay to take some time to yourself and grieve your loss. I have been there--but I did not know that I was pregnant before I miscarried, so my grieving process was a lot different since I was surprised and then relieved (we had just moved from MI to GA and were locked into a 1 bedroom apartment) because it wasn't the right time for us. But I was still sad and I still think about whether or not when we do try to conceive if I will be able to and have a full-term pregnancy. It's scary. I'm sooooo sorry for your loss. Take a week or 2 and grieve and do wedding related things when you are able to--you may just need the time to get through it and then be able to focus on the wedding. I agree with the little memorial service or something--definitely a good way for closure.

    • Reply
  • Color of love
    VIP September 2012
    Color of love ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content

    Do you have a BM that can take over for you for a few days so you can grieve?

    • Reply
  • Lilly
    VIP August 2010
    Lilly ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content

    Im sorry for your loss. I have a friend who recently had a miscarriage and she was feeling so sad over it but had a hard time letting herself mourn. I think you need to give yourself time to cope with the loss and then resume the wedding planning. *hugs* Ill keep you in my prayers

    • Reply
  • MrsDevine
    Master August 2010
    MrsDevine ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content

    I def think its a good idea to take a break from wedding planning, and give yourself some time to grieve. you need to allow yourself that. whenever you feel like crying, cry. dont hold back any feelings about it and remember that were always here to lend a virtual shoulder. very sorry for your loss.

    • Reply
  • M
    Devoted October 2012
    MariainAZ ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content

    Honey, I am so sorry for your loss. I have no idea what else to tell you. Just allow time to work through your feelings. Know you have friends on this board who care about you. God bless, and know that He loves you.

    • Reply
  • Esther
    Super June 2010
    Esther ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content

    It breaks my heart to hear about this when it happens. I am so so sorry for your loss, and will be praying for you and your FH in your grieving process. I can't imagine how hard it must be. I know it is probably a rough time to take a break from wedding planning, but it is important for you to grieve. It hurts now, but I will be sending good thoughts your way and hoping for healing for you both. Just make sure you take care of yourself.

    • Reply
  • Laura
    Master May 2009
    Laura ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content

    I'm so sorry. I had a pregnancy loss in February and I know how heartbreaking it is. My only advice is to let yourself go through ALL of the emotions as they come. Let yourself grieve, cry, get angry, suddenly feel like it's ok, then feel like you're losing it all over again, and back around to the beginning. It is a roller coaster. Turn to your FH for support and comfort, he won't know the right things to say but just knowing he's there for you will help. Remember he lost it too and he's worried about you. Don't force the wedding stuff right now. Put it on a shelf and get back to it when you're ready. There is nothing you HAVE to feel or do right now accept take care of yourself. Time does heal all wounds so hang in there and stay strong

    • Reply
  • Mrs. Libragurl
    Master October 2010
    Mrs. Libragurl ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content

    I am sorry for your loss especially so close to the big day. It is not about getting over the miscarriage but getting through it and realizing that you may never get over it but over time (prayerfully) the pain wll lessen. I agree wit the other posters on here. Grieve... its appropriate and will help you to process what you are feeling. God Bless you and may you and FH be blessed with a happy healthy pregnancy some point soon.

    • Reply
  • Mrs Danie
    Master October 2010
    Mrs Danie ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content

    I am very sorry for you loss. I know all too well how you feel. I have had 6 miscarriages and it doesnt get any easier. First I suggest getting a few people to help take the wedding planning off your hands for a few day. Spend a few days at least to grieve but please love, dont wallow in it, t will only make it worse. I find in times when I miss someone who has passed that if I light a small candle (the kind in a jar) for them and let it burn down I feel better. You could also write a letter or in a journal, just getting your thoughts and feels out of your head can help you think more clearly. I also write prayers on small pieces of paper, read them out loud, then one at a time drop in a creek and "let them go". Just a few suggestions that you might want to try when you are ready. I do hope you feel better soon, and even with your loss, try not to loose sight of the wonderful things that you are still blessed with. There is a reason for everything, even if it isnt clear.

    • Reply
  • Nicci
    Master July 2010
    Nicci ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content

    I am so so sorry. I can't even imagine what that must be like. If you don't feel up to planning right now. Don't. Let someone else take over it for you. Any sisters? Best friends? Bridesmaid? FH? Just allow yourself to grieve and get through this rough time and maybe it'll be easier in a little while. Good luck my dear. I wish you the best *hugs*

    • Reply
  • Beverly  Edwards
    Beverly Edwards ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content

    So much good advice here....what a wonderful group. Keep in mind that the only thing that has to be done on the wedding day is for you and your FH to say your vows and sign the license. Everything else is extra. So, as the next days and weeks go by, decide which "extras" you can handle, and accept that it truly is okay not to do it all. The two of you need to take care of yourselves---that's most important. Sending you a hug....

    • Reply
  • F
    Expert June 2010
    Fernnie ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content

    I agree with Laura and Danie. I have had two misscarriages. Allow yourself to grieve and go through the emotions you are feeling. Let your FH be there dont push him away. He lost as while and he is going to be at a loss of words or things to help you. Put all wedding things on the back burner for now or see if others can help you.

    • Reply
  • andrea
    Dedicated July 2010
    andrea ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content

    Thank you all so much!! I've asked my moh to help me out too but its hard bc she has three kids and the things i want to get done she can't do(try on my wedding dress for fitting and the gifts for her and the other girls) but she comes over and hangs out with when she can or i go thier bc my FH dosent want me to be at home crying by myself... thank you all again it means alot to us!!

    • Reply
  • Kathy
    Master July 2010
    Kathy ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content

    {{{{{{{{{{{andrea d.}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

    I am so sorry to hear of your loss. Sending good thoughts your way.

    • Reply
  • Jeannette
    Devoted September 2010
    Jeannette ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content

    I have been in your shoes. I lost my baby late in pregnancy and then was married a little over 2 months later. It is possible. I will tell you the thing that got me through and still does some days is to remember that God knows best. I also think about the fact that my life today would not be the same. My baby would have had alot of complications because his oxygen supply was cut off while I was pregnant. It sounds like your miscarriage was earlier in the pregnancy, but when a person miscarries it means there was something not quite right. At least your baby is in a better place and not suffering like he would have if he had significant disabilities. I hope these words are a help. I am really sorry for your loss, especially at a time that is supposed to be happy.

    • Reply
  • Mom N
    September 2010
    Mom N ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content

    I am so sorry for your loss. I have also had a few miscarriages. And like the girls have said time heals. It really does. Cry when you feel you need to, Talk about it when you need to, and think about it when you need to but don't let it consume you. Share your feelings with your FH it is his pain also. Love will get you through.

    • Reply

You voted for . Add a comment 👇

×

Related articles

WeddingWire celebrates love ...and so does everyone on our site! Learn more

Groups

WeddingWire article topics