How Important is the Ceremony Date?

Yes you can, my fiancee and I are doing the same thing because we are doing a destination wedding. All the hoops make it difficult to get official so we are getting ours the day after we get back.

To answer your essential question....it’s up to you really, on how important your ceremony date is to you...so if 3/22 is super important....go courthouse it up! I will tell you I posted something similar to this a few weeks ago and people were like “how dare you, etc” you would be lying to guests, etc. fortunately my FH and I didn’t have to and our situation changed, where we didn’t need to do this. So be prepared for those people to really tell you their opinion and the whole etiquette thing, but I have been to weddings where people got married for whatever reason beforehand and I didn’t feel like I got cheated from anything. They had beautiful ceremonies, fun filled receptions and some great after parties. Good luck with your planning!!!!

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Well...first of all, sorry that happened. people suck in general when it comes to the virtual world lol. If you have nothing nice to say - dont say anything at all. Secondly, is it really lying if no one knows? LOL

But i appreciate your response. i think it's gonna have to be that way if we want the venue we want.

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Destination wedding sounds amazing! good luck and thank you!

Let me preface this by saying I know there are many people who are not this way, BUT - I’m not one that’s huge on dates (like I don’t know when FH’s first date was other than Early December or our “anniversary” being official). For me it was about finding a time of year and place where all the people I wanted there.

If 3/22 is the most important - get creative on the location or even do courthouse like you mentioned. But definitely do NOT get married, and not tell people that the actually wedding was before the actual celebration they attend. Honesty is the best policy.

"Would it be possible for me to get married at the courthouse on our actual anniversary date for "official" purposes, telling no one, and then hold the actual ceremony later? I just want to know, in the long run, how important is the date of the actual ceremony if our certificate and all that says 3/22? Does it even matter?"

Please don't get married and not tell anyone. Lying to people is never a good idea, even the "Well no one ever ASKED me if we were married, so....."

Get married on 3/22 at the courthouse, that is your wedding date, invite your family and have a wonderful dinner afterwards. Have a celebration later, that is your celebration of those vows you said on 3/22/19.

OR - pick a new date!! We have three dates we celebrate: Our "date-a-versary" which is the anniversary of our first date, our engagement date then finally we will have our wedding anniversary this fall!

People will understand your wanting to keep 3/22 sacred, they will NOT be keen on it being a secret.

Honestly that was what I was going to do. We were going to have a.courthouse wedding and only tell my bestfriend cause we were.going to have her officiate a "fake ceremony" this october. However cat got.out of the bag and people kept finding out an we ended up deciding that we wanted to be really married in October instead of the courthouse. I think if noone had found out we would have most definitely did the original plan.

I would do the courthouse wedding on 3/22 but I would NOT keep it a secret... if the date is so important, you’ll have to make sure you never tell anyone that that’s the date then, and wouldn’t that be annoying to keep it a secret forever? If I were you, I would get married in the courthouse on 3/22 and then have your reception a few weeks/month/whenever you can get the dream venue! I’ve heard of plenty of people having an intimate ceremony (either just the two of you, or with immediate family) and then a larger reception on a different day good luck and congrats!!

I agree that honestly is the best policy. Trying to keep this secret over years of time would get tiring to me. Any benefit derived from keeping the same anniversary date wouldn't be worth it to me. As someone whose done a lot of genealogy work, I can tell you that marriage records are public records. Anyone can ask for a copy of a marriage license. I don't know why anyone would in your case but be aware that someone could find out your true wedding date without much effort. Maybe have your courthouse ceremony followed by a reception at your dream venue BUT let everyone know what is going on?

You can most certainly have your wedding on the date you wish then have a symbolic ceremony and reception later. If you do the wedding on a day or two before, for example, or prior to leaving the country for a DW, I don't think you are under obligation to tell people. BUT if you do this months or a year before the symbolic ceremony and "tell no one" then you are lying. It's called a lie by omission. And there's really no reason to. People still want to celebrate, they just don't like being lied to. People will literally not care if you say that you went to the courthouse because that date was special to you, but you still wanted to share with family and friends.

Oh also, so my dating anniversary is 2/6 and FH and I really wanted to keep that date in theory, but we live in the northeast lol so blizzards are highly likely in February and it isn’t the most practical time to have a wedding here. We ended up choosing 6/2 as our wedding date, which is just the same numbers flipped, so it holds the sentimentality of it I mean obviously you can’t flip 3/22 haha but I’m just saying this to maybe prompt an idea from your experience... perhaps the 22nd of another month? Just some ideas

I don't think it matters. I enjoy anniversaries and birthdays, but am happy to celebrate sometime in the general vicinity of the day, rather than having to celebrate on the precise day itself. For example, what if you have the wedding on 3/22, and then your anniversary falls on a weekday and you have to work late that day and can't celebrate until the weekend?

Lies of omission are still lies. Don’t lie to people.

also, I’m my opinion, once you get married, dating anniversaries don’t really matter. Push it out until 2020 if the date/venue is really that important to you, but DEFINITELY do not lie to people.

I wouldn’t worry too much about keeping your current anniversary date. With how quickly venues fill up it’s not uncommon to have to forgo your ideal date to get your dream venue.

View Quoted Comment Lol, hey I say you do what’s best and works for you and makes you guys happy. But after reading some posts, people are already saying to you what they said to me. I say you do what works for you! In the end you want to be married on the date you want to be married on and have a wonderful life together!!! Right? Don’t let people get you down!

View Quoted Comment We did something like this. Our dating anniversary is 4/29, so originally I was looking at 4/27, because that was at least the anniversary of the weekend of our first date since we didn’t want to get married on a Monday next year. We had to consider other options because places weren’t available, so since our dating anniversary is 4/29 and we got engaged on 5/19, we picked 3/9 for our wedding...decided 9 is our number!

I originally wanted to keep our dating anniversary too (11/1) but that falls on a Thursday this year and getting married so close to the day but not on it would drive me a bit crazy. So, we got 9/21. Over the years, the wedding anniversary is going to become more important to you anyway. FH's parents still acknowledge their "date-adversary" anyway as a funny little thing. Their wedding anniversary is the big day.

If you do decide to go to the courthouse, don't keep it a secret. Aside from the ethics of lying to people, it's just not worth the trouble. Everyone will congratulate you on the day they think is your wedding while you're celebrating your actual anniversary in secret. You could get married at the courthouse and have a celebration later at your dream venue, but be honest about it! or just get married at the dream venue and don't worry about the date. Or, push the wedding out! 3/22/20 is a Sunday and that would still be lovely for a wedding.

If your reason for doing the courthouse wedding is to keep the anniversary date then you will not be able to keep it a secret (nor should you anyway!) What would happen a year from the courhouse wedding when you celebrate your anniversary and then people who were invited to your big ceremony are like "wait a minute, I thought what I was at was the wedding"?

Congrats on your engagement! It is certainly possible to do the courthouse thing, but you’ll want to be honest with your guests. They will find out anyway, so it’s best to be upfront.

If the date is the most important thing to you, you should do that, but I would urge you to consider another date. It doesn’t have to be random, it can be something that still has meaning. What about 6/22 to celebrate a year of engagement? Or 9/22, your half-anniversary? Whatever date you pick will hold meaning for the rest of your life, so don’t feel like it absolutely has to be a meaningful date to begin with.

Hi Zachary! Welcome to WeddingWire and congrats on your engagement!

It's really up to you and I totally understand keeping the significance of the date being the 22nd.

Don't overthink it. If you want to keep your anniversary date & have your dream venue, on the same day, I would agree, looking at wedding days in different months, a little further out might be a good idea. The best of both worlds, with no hidden secrets.

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