How many people give money at weddings

That's an extraordinarily outdated etiquette rule.

Where I live, you'd have to assume to give $150/person AT LEAST, if not more, and that's a LOT of money.

Quite honestly, it's rude to compare the cost/cash amount of gifts versus the price of the plate. Weddings are not for you to make money and/or break even. They are to celebrate a couple getting married.

I either get a gift from the registry or give money. I’ve only not given a gift when attending with family/parents and knew they were generously gifting. I received about 50/50 registry vs cash gifts.

Where I'm from, you give a registry gift at the shower and a monetary gift at the wedding. I don't think it's proper to show up to a wedding without a gift unless you have extenuating financial circumstances.


That said, I'm not a big fan of "cover your plate" because a. I have no idea what the couple paid to host me, and b. It implies that people who have more lavish weddings deserve bigger gifts, which is also incorrect.

I give money usually but not with the intention of “covering my plate.” I know that ks a custom in some areas but it’s not universal.

I think your answer might depend more on who you're asking and how old they are. In my twenties, I'd typically buy a moderately priced gift from the registry that was within my budget..I never gave cash gifts then. As I have aged, along with my acquaintances, in much more inclined to give cash unless it's a young couple who are just starting out that have a lot of on their registry. And since I make considerably more than I did when I was younger, I can give more generously now. But I give one or the other as a wedding gift and don't take into consideration that notion of "paying for my plate."


There are young adults (single males) that I work with that honestly don't even think about bringing a gift to a wedding.

I never really understood covering your plate because in my area that might mean $20 per person for restaurant catering or $200 per person at a waterfront country club. That means if my best friend in the world is having the $20pp wedding, my husband and I should only give $40 and if his co-worker I’ve never met is at the country club we should give $400? That just doesn’t make sense, right? We always give cash at weddings, usually starting at $100 for each of us and then adding based on our relationship with the couple.

I mean, we usually bring a check to the wedding (though in a few circumstances we've brought physical gifts) but I don't consider "paying for our plates" because the gift is not meant to repay the couple for dinner. Instead we look at what our budget is and what our relationship to the couple is and we decide from there.

I grew up almost always just getting a gift from the registry (that's what my family did so it's what I knew) but my fiance didn't even know about registries (his family was very much a registry gift at shower and cash/check at wedding) so I've adjusted to his method. We tend to start at $100 each and increase based on how well we know the couple. For example, my sister just got married, so we gave significantly more than we will at a wedding we're attending later this year for a friend of my fiance's who he barely talks to anymore.

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It was never an etiquette rule. It was and is a tradition in some circles, one that I find distasteful.

I think a lot of time, "cover your plate" is like a saying as opposed to literally expecting people to match the cost of the plate.. I just see it as giving either a generally acceptable amount or a very thoughtful personalized gift (vs giving some random item just to check the box). Personally I've given about the same amount per head regardless if the wedding is extravagant feast or an afternoon event with punch and sandwiches. Now the exact amount may be higher or lower depending on how close I am with the couple, the destination, and if there are other pre wedding events ie showers /weekend bachelorrette.


I'm honestly not sure how giving money or gift at the wedding works logistically.. I suppose the couple would have to designate someone to "hold" the money or gift but then it might be more convenient for everyone to just to send things in advance.

I feel like I decide how much to give based on a lot of factors, the “cost of your plate” being one of them. Other factors are if I had to travel and/or stay in a hotel to attend, how close I am to the couple, how much I spent on a shower gift, etc. But I will take into account the approximate cost of plate. I’d give more at a more expensive wedding, simply because it’s partly reimbursing the couple for how much they spent on hosting me lol. But that is definitely not the only factor. ie if a couple were having a backyard wedding with pizza I’d maybe give $50 vs at a banquet hall I’d give $100. Idk if I’m the outlier here lol but that’s just me!

Plus one's don't give a gift. If the partner who is invited didn't give a gift that is adequate in your eyes, then reaize that is how much they could give you at the time. If your wedding already happened and you're upset about the gifts, then try to find in your heart that you shared your special day with the people who matter most and accept the debt.

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"I'm honestly not sure how giving money or gift at the wedding works logistically.. I suppose the couple would have to designate someone to "hold" the money or gift but then it might be more convenient for everyone to just to send things in advance."

Generally you have a "card box" (we had a bird cage) and people put money in the cards and then the cards get put in the box, which the couple or their designee takes with them at the end of the night.

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Agree completely on the “cover your plate “ thing. Unless every guest gets an itemized bill for attending as part of their invitation, which none of your guests have access to the invoices or know how much anyone is spending, this makes zero sense and is elitist and rude. It sends the message that “if you can’t read minds and figure out how much we are spending on individuals, then we don’t want you in attendance if you can’t afford to pay us back”.

In our families and social circles, no one gives cash for any occasion, whether that’s birthdays, Christmas or weddings. People have registries and both shower and wedding gifts are given from those. Closeness to the couple is not a determination of how much to spend, but rather how much you are comfortable spending with the money you have.

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I agree with this.

We absolutely consider the cost of the event (how much it cost to host and for us to participate), as well as our relationship with the couple when deciding how much to spend on a gift. I wouldn't say we "try to cover the cost of our plates" because that's a super inexact science, but if the food and drinks were really good and it was a really special event that felt like a date night out for us, we are more apt to give more.

My husband and I also take advantage of giving gifts after the wedding. For one, it helps us get a better sense of what the wedding and our experience was like, such as if the couple had a really nice event and hosted all the guests well vs acted like privileged brats and didn't consider anyone else's experiences but their own, as well as the level of hosting and service provided. I've been to weddings where the couple clearly splurged on the venue and some elaborate decor but the food was poor quality, it was a cash bar, and things that actually impact the guest experience were completely skimped on, so you can't always predict what a wedding will be like just from the invite and wedding website. If we are close with the couple, sometimes you can get a good sense of what the couple still wants/needs after the wedding when most of the other gifts are gifted, and those are the things they appreciate a lot because it might have been the one thing on their registry they REALLY wanted but didn't get and you find out when you are chatting with them a couple of weeks later. I've also given custom gifts that have something to do with the wedding itself, like Christmas ornaments that incorporate a photo or the invitation from a couple's wedding, and while those things tend not to cost a lot of money, they can be time intensive to design and often the couple really appreciates them because they are so personal and sentimental. Old etiquette says you have up to a year to send a gift; we generally try to do it much sooner but definitely take advantage of not having to have something picked out beforehand, depending on the situation.

If a couple doesn't have a registry, most of the time we will give money unless we have a really good sense of what the couple would need, want, or enjoy. I hate giving gifts just to check off a box (and I hate receiving well intentioned gifts that are nothing I want or need, it makes me feel SO guilty and wasteful). If a couple does have a registry I generally pick an item off of it that I feel some connection to or fits a price point I want to pay, and I send it to the couple ahead of time. If I'm giving money I'm likely just going to bring a card and cash/check to the wedding.

I give what I can afford at the time. At a time in my life, $25 was a lot for me to give because that much money was equal to my grocery bill for the week.
As a guest, it is not my responsibility to help the couple make their money back from hosting an optional event. If I’m invited, I assume it’s because they truly like me and want me to celebrate with them.

Hi there!

Hmm, that does sound a bit odd to me... typically weddings I have gone to the guest give money or items on the registry. I would have to say though my fiance and I are not expecting a certain amount from each person. Everyone is in different financial situations and at the end of the day, people will give what they can afford. Your guests truly don't know the cost of their plate they may have an idea but most likely will not be 100% accurate. Your guests are just that. YOUR guests! You are inviting them to your celebration. Yes, typically they should give some sort of gift but to expect a certain amount is a bit close-minded.

Best of luck

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I 100% agree with this! Your guests are just that.. YOUR guests! To expect a certain amount of money or gifts is just plain rude.

View Quoted Comment I also agree. It's rude to plan a wedding with expectations that your guests will show up with a card with money in it that covers their plate. You plan a wedding that you and your fiance can afford without the expectations that people will help.

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I also agree.