How much say does the bride get in her bridesmaids appearance?

I would suggest asking yourself what your motivation is. I don't think it's right to treat people as extensions of yourself, or as decoration. I do think it could be cool to wear things in common to feel like part of a team, or to buy them each an accessory that they like and could wear again to make them each look and feel special.

View Quoted Comment To the side note about shoes not being noticed, most of the time I agree, but I have seen bridesmaids show up in bright sunflower yellow crocs with a lilac dress. So I do think it’s reasonable for a bride to ask for a specific color.

Two good tests: this is a ceremony, legal and for many religious amd family. For graduations, acting as a judge or magistrate. What you can put on, or take off, robe or hate, and shoes must be compatible with the oufit you wear, not matching each other. And nothing unsafe, or not human ( large puppet mask, no.) Other than that, anything that is of appropriate for the formality of the occasion. Your hair cut, style and color, fingernails, toenails, skin color or tan, and make-up, permanent tattoos , all up to you, not bride, though they must be compatible with the dress and formality of the occasion. Your personal jewelry ( not rank or insignia) is your own. Your meaningful rings, earrings or necklaces with family or religious symbols, are up the the individual.
Example 2: Men, the equal of women , in the wedding party: Same as above. The only thing that has changed through the years is facial hair and hair length. They no longer have to stop at the collar, or remove facial hair, since woman were added to " same standard unless required for physical health.
In our parents time, up to about 2005 pro hair and makeup were only required by celebrities and pros. All the other things we are discussing except tattoos ( no) have always been bridesmaid's choice. Only since tv weddings started saying, It's my day, have brides been allowed to be so dictatorial. They might suggest what made them happy, but the choice was the individual. I often wonder if people know how recent this, I would do anything for my bride stuff is.

I am having 3 bridesmaids. I have 5 dresses they all get to choose from! They can all choose to match, or they can all wear a different dress, but they have to choose from the ones I chose! I will likely do the same for the shoes! Nail color I will probably request bare nails or a light nude color. Hair doesn’t matter to me as long as it’s not a messy bun or pony tail!

View Quoted Comment It is the bride's day to we'd her husband. It is the bride's day to plan all the details of the reception with her guy, or other hosts. 😊 But it never has been the bride's day to control every aspect of a bridesmaid's appearance. NOT EVEN queens in recent decades have had that right, except in TV fantasy land. It is no more the bride's day than it is the groom's, and they stick to suit and accessories to the suit. Bride or groom, it extends to the outfit and nothing more, no matter what some people have done.

Your only say is the dress.

One thing so many seem to forget. They will say, well I ought to be able to say black shoes, no flip flops, or no pink boots with my purple dress.
Standard etiquette: when no dress code is given, or only part of one - ball gowns, or green dresses, the party guest / recipient of an award, or yes bridesmaid,😊 still must choose something of the correct formality, that in general circumstances be compatible with what you are wearing. All by itself, that all circumstance etiquette means red, green boots, pink ballet slippers, converse, would all not be available as choices . They simply do not go with the dress, under any circumstances. So with a white dress with blue over lay, fashion pretty much limits you to clear, nude, white, blue or possibly silver.
Simply, you should have freedom to choose ( not bride dictated) but must stick to compatible items and formality. Wear your hair up or down, it must be attractively styled for a formal occasion. You do it, or a pro, your choice. But no Goth black lips, or pink bicycle chain hair jewelry punk. Compatible, and within formality choices by bridesmaid is still the rule when bride does not dictate. Simply not micromanaged, every item, every detail.

Really enjoyed this discussion! Getting married in October and I picked the color/company and let all my girls pick out a dress they liked. I also paid for the dresses as this was something my fiancé discussed beforehand and budgeted for. He bought suits for his groomsmen as well. They just have to cover any alterations. I ended up getting them all jewelry to wear as a gift once the dress selections were finalized. I gave them general guideline for what color shoes to get. As far as hair/makeup I have professionals coming in and gave them the option of having it done (my mom is picking up that tab) or doing their own. Overall everyone seems happy and I’m trying to make getting ready as fun and relaxing for everyone as possible.