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Just Said Yes June 2023

How to address a what seems to be (uninterested) moh

Whitney, on April 10, 2023 at 12:44 PM Posted in Community Conversations 0 6

Hello, my wedding in early June of this year and when I first started planning my wedding everything seemed to be great. All of my bridesmaids & MOH were excited! Now as we are quickly approaching my wedding date one of my MOH has become quite distant. I talked to her almost everyday & the past month and a half I've heard nothing, she has not returned my calls or messages, I don't know if she got her dress yet the only thing she has done was pre pay for her makeup. This is where I struggle because technically she has not done anything wrong but I get the I'm not interested vibe from her. Her recent FB post have also caused me to have these concerns as she posted she's "focusing on herself, and not talking to people who don't reach out to her" I've reached out last time probably about a month ago but I'm not the type to kiss someone's butt if you know what I mean. She recently expressed before I stopped hearing from her that she was upset because she was no longer in a relationship "she's been married a few times" but is that something that would cause her to act this way? I mean I was single when she got married and I didn't stop talking to her even though I wished I was in a relationship too. I know no one cares about your wedding as much as you, but when we talked she would discuss her issues, we would talk about other things like shopping and TV and wedding stuff too the conversations were not just all about my wedding. All of my bridesmaids and a few friends have all said that she was not a good friend and I need to remove her from the wedding all together. I was thinking of sending a final message even though I really don't want too & ask her to call me. If she doesn't respond at that point I will just proceed to remove her. Any suggestions? and is it just me? Should I be concerned about this?

6 Comments

Latest activity by Whitney, on April 11, 2023 at 1:54 PM
  • Jacks
    Rockstar November 2054
    Jacks Online ·
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    I'm wondering if she's feeling stressed about money expectations? You mentioned that she's pre-paying for makeup, was that optional? Sometimes money is so tricky, and it's hard to have conversations around budget. She really only has to get the dress and show up, so maybe reassuring her about that might help.

    Also, what about approaching her to do something not related to the wedding? Look at this as a "friend" problem instead of a wedding issue.

    I would stop talking about her to your other wedding party members about this and focus on being a good friend to her. She was important enough to you to make her your MOH, so I would not give ultimatums or kick her out of the wedding, which would likely end the friendship.

    You said it yourself, she's done nothing wrong.

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  • W
    Just Said Yes June 2023
    Whitney ·
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    She already pre-paid for the make up which I did not ask her to do she was more than happy to send it and she picked her own dress I literally told everyone they could spend $40-200 on their dress it was all up to them and what they wanted and she most def can afford to pay for a dress she shops non stop all the time. Without me even mentioning it to my other bridemaids they noticed she was acting funny because she recently asked them to remove her from the group chat about my bachelorette party because she said everyone is too opinionated and she doesn't want to hear their ideas. She also refuses to respond to any of them too when they text her personally and ask her how she is doing. When she wants to comminute with everyone she does but when she doesn't everyone gets ignored. My question is how long do I wait on her to respond? I get she may have issues but at some point and time I will need an answer. If this is too much for her its okay if she drops out but ignoring me this close to the wedding is not cool. I'm trying to be a friend but there's only so much are you okay just checking in's I can send. She looks happy as pie on social media judging from the other post she put up.

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  • Jacks
    Rockstar November 2054
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    The thing is, if you follow the advice of your other BM's and kick her out, you will likely lose the friendship. In addition, there will be drama created around that decision that may end up reflecting poorly on you. I would let them know you're fine with things, and to back off of her re: texting her etc. Clearly there are reasons she's reluctant to be involved with them, and they may be valid. You just don't know the full story, I'm guessing.

    She really only does have to get the dress and show up, so I would leave her be. She doesn't need to be involved in pre-wedding events, and clearly she plans to show up since she booked makeup.

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  • Cece
    Rockstar October 2023
    Cece ·
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    From what you’ve shared, it sounds like there is A LOT of texting/communications surrounding your wedding and pre-wedding events. Which is totally fine! However, not everyone gets into that. It sounds like she is just being overloaded with Wedding talk and has gotten burnt out on it; hence the request to be removed from the group chat. For perspective, my aunts and cousins (who I am very close with) have a group chat that they are extremely active on. I love them dearly, but that’s just not my jam. So I eventually requested to be removed from the chat. It doesn’t mean I don’t love them and don’t care about what’s going on in their lives- it was just too much for me personally. I suspect maybe that is what is happening with your MOH. I would remove her from the chat and just give her some space. Make sure she knows important dates/deadlines, and trust that she is an adult and will meet them. Maybe after a little breathing room, she will come back around to being excited about everything.


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  • Juan
    Just Said Yes May 2023
    Juan ·
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    First. The world doesn't revolve around your wedding. Or my wedding, or anyone's relationship. If this person is part of your wedding party, that implies this person is important to your life. If so, be a friend and be with her when she is down. Maybe she needs you right now, so put away your needs and attend to her needs. On a limited reasonable basis of course
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  • W
    Just Said Yes June 2023
    Whitney ·
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    Spoke with her today and she was upset because she did not want to be apart of group planning and did not want to plan anything with my Matron of honor because she doesn't like working with people. So no it had nothing to do with the "world" as you said revolving around my wedding. But thanks anyways for the comment

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