How to ask someone to be your bridesmaids

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Why would you change your mind?

View Quoted Comment I didn't like what was being expected of me and I didn't find out what that was until after I had said yes and it was stressing me out.

View Quoted Comment Being a bridesmaid is a very expensive role. Not everyone is financially able to participate. Some brides have a flair for the dramatic and may have expectations that her friends are not able to meet. I read a doozy of one yesterday on Reddit..unrealistic contract and all. There are many other personal reasons why someone might decline. It's not mean..It's being an adult and acknowledging your limitations.


I would be a bridesmaid for my sister/bff in a heartbeat if she asked but I would be hesitant to do it for anyone else. I was MoH for a best friend from high school years ago and she was so stressed that she made everyone miserable and no apologies afterwards for anything.

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I mean how expensive can it really be? My fiance was best man for his best friend and nothing was crazy. He paid for his own suit, and him and the other groomsmen paid for the hotel for the bachelor party. Other than that i dont think he paid anything extra....

For my wedding im not expecting anyone to pay for stuff thats not necessary. Their dresses, if they wanna do a shower, and the bachlorette party. However i dont have issues paying my part for the party if its a trip. Never really knew it to be an "Expensive role"..

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Ah, got it.

View Quoted Comment Aww no problem! I’m glad I was able to help. I was thinking the same thing after reading some of the comments. I guess I had to also learn along the way that you can’t always make everyone happy and you just have do what feels right for you and your fiancé because ultimately it’s your day. These are your memories you’ll always remember. I’m sure whatever you choose to do will be special and they will be honored to be in your wedding. Don’t forget to post some pictures when you do.

View Quoted Comment Many posts if you search the forums say it is easily well over $1000 minimum just for one bridesmaid before party/shower expenses. Those are ladies are speaking based off of their experiences.

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Just ask them out when you all have dinner together or while watching a movie? Please don't feel awkward asking your family to contribute on the best day of your life. They are your family, I'm sure even if you tell it to them outright would not be an issue.

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Thank you so much love! I truly appreciate your love, kindness and support.

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Thank you hun. I appreciate the suuport.

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Well, based off my experiences thats not the case. And based off my "needs" as a bride that wont be the case either. But thanks for your input.

My sisters and 2 cousins are in my bridal party.


I invited them all over and had ice cream cake that had “Will you stand by me on 9/19/22” written on it. They just thought it was regular dessert and were so excited when it clicked haha! It was great seeing their reactions. I then gave them a bottle of their fav wine. (I know you have someone who’s underage so you can replace the wine with something else like a tumbler with their names on it if you want to do a gift as well).
I only had my mom and fiancé present when we asked.

All of my bridesmaids live out of state as well, and we don't get to see each other very often, so I had no other choice than to ask them via phone/FaceTime. My girls and I had discussed who would be my bridesmaids prior to my engagement, so I already knew the answer from them. They all said yes, so instead of sending gifts as a "proposal," I'm going to send them boxes with little gifts in it to get them pumped about being a bridesmaid.

I think sending a box or doing it in front of other people would put on unnecessary pressure and may cause some jealousy or drama among those who wouldn't be in the party. Make it personal and fun!!

Two of my bridesmaids live out of state. I am making them bridesmaid boxes and sending them in the mail (the local ppl will get theirs in the mail too). However, I have seen pictures of the bride going out to eat with just those ppl and asking them at dinner with personal boxes

View Quoted Comment Doesn't have to be that high to be too much. Even $100-$200 is too much for some people.

View Quoted Comment That’s a cute idea. I like.

Just ask them one at a time, over coffee or lunch (if you can eat out in your state, lol) no party, no formal gathering, no "proposing" to the ladies. Best wishes!! xoxox

I met with as many bridesmaids as I could face-to-face with a cute bridesmaid proposal box! I have 2 more ladies to ask and we’re all friends from grad school so I’m hoping to get together for lunch or dinner to ask them at the same time (but covid may force me to ship another box 😣). It’s whatever you want or works for you too! My friend asked everyone at her engagement party.

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How cute, love it! Thanks for the input love.

Please, don't do this. Ask each person privately, over the phone, with no gifts that make them feel pressured. It does you no good if they say yes, because you got gifts, or there are other people around, then drop out months later. You need to talk date, price range of dresses, and know the usual ( not special sale) cost of traveling to the wedding, or staying. Often people cannot do it. Their brother engaged 4 years set the date, someone in their family is dying slowly and all their time extra goes to that, moving, pregnancy die date. It is highly embarrassing for you or them to say no with a group. When these horrid surprise proposals in front of a group were new, I was one of 5 out of 5 who could mot do ot. The bride had hysterics in the restaurant.
I have been present for other embarrassing pnes, when I couldn't or someone else couldn't, and the bride started pleading, her vision, her dreams. Please, not til 8-9 months, as there is nothing a MOH or bridesmaid needs to do before 6 months. And privately, with time for them to check and get back to you. Often friends who cannot be your bridesmaid due to a conflict, are still close and will volunteer to do a shower, be helpful throughout. But not of you start by embarrasing them, or yourself.