How to be ok with spending so much $ on one day 😩

You might need to skip the welcome dinner. I don't know how you're going to stay remotely close to 10k with 5 bridesmaids, semi destination, staying at a resort, and a welcome dinner. How many guests are you having?


You should reevaluate your budget and expenses. This budget doesn't sound realisric at all.
If you have 100 guests at the welcome dinner, that's already half your budget

Yeah, the money part is stressful. But wow - $10K with all that you said is pretty good (I know it's running more). My other Indian friend's daughters' weddings have cost $200k & up!!! 4 functions (over a 3 day period) with 500 people. Everything adds up!

I think it is important for you to remember why you wanted a semi destination wedding with an elope feeling. You wanted to keep it small and private and under a good budget, then stick to decisions that reflect this. I know it’s easier said that done. My mother starting coming up with all these things that were necessary: having all my uncles and aunties, have all the flowers or the world... but when I asked her if she would pay for it she said no. So it wasn’t so necessary. It’s your wedding, keep it simple and intimate if that’s how you want it. People will always have opinions but your wedding will be very special to you and your FH no matter what.

View Quoted Comment It’s a micro wedding, only 21 people including my fiancé and I

I would skip the welcome dinner. Skipping it will make up the money you want to spend on your BM’s hair/makeup costs. Plus, having a welcome dinner with all the same guests the evening before your wedding could really steal the thunder from your reception and make it feel like it’s just a re-do of the welcome dinner. If you want to host your guests for an additional meal, why don’t you make it brunch the following day?- breakfast food is much cheaper and alcohol isn’t expected. And if you want to recoup the costs of the brunch, cut back on flowers and decor or any other unnecessary extra that guests hardly pay attention to anyway. As far as the future in-laws contributing… I would have your fiancé speak with them about it. The general rule when planning a wedding is that “blood handles blood” (ie, you handle any situation with your parents and he handles any situation with his).

View Quoted Comment I like this idea. I thought it’s expected that there will be a welcome dinner if it’s a destination wedding, though? It’s only 3 hours away but everyone is still staying at least Friday night. There’s an awesome pizza place 20 mins away, maybe we can do the welcome dinner there 🤔

View Quoted Comment Welcome dinners and thank you brunches have become trendy lately, but they are completely optional, even for a destination wedding. If it is within the budget to do one of them, it is always a generous gesture just as an extra thank you to guests for traveling- but it’s not mandatory/expected. Tbh, as a guest, I would probably enjoy a thank you brunch more than a welcome dinner. After flying or driving a considerable amount of time, I usually like to check into the hotel, get cleaned up and relax a little- I hate having to rush around the moment I arrive. And as a bride, I would prefer not to host people the evening before my wedding, as I am sure there will be stress and last minute things to take care of, and you will want a good night’s sleep! Plus, if your wedding is on a Saturday I am assuming guests will be staying overnight that evening. By doing a thank you brunch the following day, you actually give guests the option of not having to pay for a hotel on Friday also. And hosting a thank you brunch will also be a cheaper option (another plus if your fiancé is going to speak to his parents about paying for it).
If you prefer to host a welcome dinner, I think the pizza place sounds like a much better option! Welcome dinners do not have to be formal, sit down affairs. A laid-back pizza dinner is perfectly acceptable, and much more affordable!

Another thing to think about is if you would like to see your guests again before they leave. That was one of the main reasons we decided to host a thank you brunch- it felt weird having everyone leave without seeing them again and being able to say thank yous and goodbyes

We are running into the same. thing. We're doing destination, but wanted it to be more of an elopement/micro wedding. Originally it was going to be us + 20 guests staying at one hotel with a casual "let's all go get tacos and margs next door" welcome dinner with a $12k-ish budget. Now it's a $20k wedding with 40 guests and a full on welcome dinner with a food & beverage minimum and a private room (because there's no other way to accommodate 40 people). We're skipping HMUA all together, which saved there, but I've made it very, very clear to my BMs that if they need help paying for transportation, the hotel, or their dress to let me know and they promised they would.

We didn't want to ask either of our parents for money, but when I nearly had a meltdown when my mom tried to add more people to the list (probably 6 guests ago) she told me she was planning on paying for whatever we couldn't. His parents on the other hand sound just like your FILs - savers, not spenders. I feel so uncomfortable asking anyone to help us pay, but I had a very honest conversation with my mom last night that FH and I have exactly enough to cover this wedding but will have zero left for our honeymoon. We're sending her our budget and she's going to pick which items she wants to help us with, as she feels she pressured us into raising the budget and inviting more people than we wanted to.

Things add up. My reception is $5k before gratuity and tax, my welcome dinner is $3.5k, florals will be about $1k (and real flowers were required by mom), the hotel stay will be $2.5k (but we knew this going into it and have always planned on staying 6 nights and treating it as a minimoon), the dress was $1.3k. We're skipping a cake because it will be another $500 after cutting fees. We're skipping centerpieces for the restaurant reception. We're skipping tablecloth rentals and I'm making table runners instead (the tables are pretty and wooden). We're skipping dancing and a DJ. We're skipping the videographer. We found a hotel in walking distance to the ceremony space and reception restaurant to eliminate the temptation to cover transportation for our guests.

It's all so much. I get it, I promise I do. You'll need to either up the budget to account for the type and size of wedding you're currently planning, or you'll need to take a hard look at the things that are important to you to fit the budget you've already set and skip the things that aren't.

Good luck, and know you're not the first or last to completely freak about how much one day costs.

I had a 9 guest wedding and I could not have pulled off a welcome dinner. We were still getting settled in the hotel after a 2 hour drive, writing our vows, setting up decor. I would keep the night before your wedding free. If you're doing a rehearsal, have the dinner at the pizza place.


We got married in the backyard for a little under 10k. I think that's just the baseline cost for a wedding when you're using professional flowers, photography, and officiant. It felt and looked like a full blown wedding, just smaller. The memories and photos were worth it

A welcome dinner is nice, but not required. Maybe offer welcome bags instead, but those are also superfluous.

Things definitely start to add up for weddings unfortunately. That's why it is important to stick to a budget and see where to make cuts and come up with compromises. And sometimes it includes having to DIY some stuff lol.
A welcome dinner on the other hand is definitely optional. So, if you want to save then I highly recommend skipping on this Are you planning on a rehearsal dinner? If so then use the pizza place! It doesn't have to be formal at all.

Depending on how isolated you are, I would skip the welcome dinner if you can’t order pizza for everyone. There is no reason why a rehearsal/welcome dinner has to be fancy expensive or nothing. As long as you are feeding those participating in the ceremony, the rest is optional and many couples don’t invite traveling guests to the rehearsal dinner.



Costs are all about priorities. Decide before you start planning how much you are willing and able to spend and stick with that. Cut out whatever you cannot afford or justify. The only requirements are your fiancé, a couple witnesses, the officiant, a marriage license, hospitality covering expenses for all guests. Everything else is optional. Don’t let anyone no matter who they are pressure you into spending money you are not comfortable with.

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Thank you for this, I needed to hear this and I don't feel so out of my mind knowing I'm not alone. I can't believe how similar our situations are! My budget is almost exactly yours- I went overboard on my dress so I'm going to bake my own cake, haha. I love to bake so I think it'll be fun. How are you playing music for your ceremony and reception? The only thing I can think of is hiring a day-of-coordinator. I don't want to deal with pressing 'play' on the phone before walking down the aisle and doing our first dance/parent dances, but I'm also uneasy about trusting it to someone else.

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This is very true. What is 'hospitality covering expenses for all guests'? I'm afraid I'm missing something

View Quoted Comment It’s basically cover the expenses for your guests: if you choose to have alcohol, serve what they drink that you can afford and you don’t ask guests to open their wallets at any time during the wedding for a cash bar or bring your own alcohol. If you serve food, you don’t ask guests to pay out of pocket for anything additional or bring anything from home that would not be allowed anyway due to food safety laws by the health department. Decide what you are willing and able to spend and don’t offer anything else.


It does not mean pay for other people’s travel expenses or lodging as that is their responsibility. You don’t need to spend money on welcome bags. If you have a hotel block, it should be courtesy so you are not paying for someone else’s rooms.

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So our ceremony will be on the beach and our reception will be in a restaurant. We did hire a day of coordinator, mostly because I needed someone to meet the rental company at the beach to get chairs and the arch set up. As for music, I think we'll have a bluetooth speaker at the ceremony to play aisle music, and then the restaurant has the ability for us to hook up a phone and stream our own music. I plan on just making a low key Spotify playlist with lovey type songs and a few of our overall favorites sprinkled in. Skipping a full-blown reception was also a way we prioritized what we wanted for our wedding while trying our hardest to stick so some sort of budget.

I highhhhllyyy recommend a DOC. Truly. I'm definitely a "I'd rather do it myself" girl, but in this case I really needed someone else to jump in.