How to deal with difficult parents

Papijack I'm afraid your issues are cultural instead of just difficult parents. Don't most Indian Hindi parents run the entire show when it comes to weddings? Are they accepting of your non Indian FH? It's a shame that they are not even taking your opinions into consideration. None of us just want to be puppets in the planning process of OUR own wedding!! I am sorry I cannot offer you sound advice on how to deal w/ your parents, it sounds like the only way you will run the show is if you elope & unfortunately maybe that would be better than being just a puppet. I feel for you, good luck with this.

I don't mean to sound insensitive but if you have a problem with the way your parents are planning your wedding then you should pay for it yourself. if you don't accept their offer to pay then you won't have to deal with them making decision about your wedding. in my opinion, whoever is paying gets to decide what they want.

Sorry to say, I agree with the others in that they have a point. I don't know about Indian culture, but the Chinese consider marriages family affairs: it's not joining of two people, it's joining of two families, hence, it IS a family wedding rather than "your" wedding. I'm not sure I agree with paying for it yourself, because that could be considered insulting to your families & might make the cultural divide even greater, if your family is anything like the ones I know.

Thanks all for your response.

I hate to agree with the others on this, but honestly my father is the same way when it comes to me, not in the cultural way, but he is just a control freak in general and everything has to be his way or no way. He acts like a Puppet Master to everything and I'm his puppet. I was actually glad he wasn't going to pay for my hubby's and my wedding so that way we had all of the say and he had none including how we did things, how our ceremony, reception, who was on the guest list, etc. Maybe it's in your best interest to either Elope or save up the money and do it yourselves so that it is truely can say it's Your Wedding and things are just as you want them. I feel for you. But think of who's forking over the cash too. I wish you the best and hope everything planning turns out for the best for you.

My parents are also paying for my wedding...and my mom definitely has strong opinions on everything. I'm lucky in that she has great taste, but sometimes it's an issue. My best advice is to think hard about what is the MOST important to you for your wedding day, and what do you not care as much about? Give them full control over the things you think you can let go, then use that as leverage to compromise and get what you want for your top priorities. Like, ok you can decide on the decorations and flowers, but I would really like to pick the reception music. I also sometimes feel that the 'show' isn't about me and my fiancee, but I know the end result will be a beautiful and really fun day.

I also think its probably more cultural than anything else. However, that doesnt mean you shouldn't have a say as well. Historical even in the US the brides parents paid the whole wedding, but it idn't give them 100% control over it, and she was able to call it HER wedding.

The only thing I could suggest is: do you have an aunt or an older family friend with whom you (and our parents) are close to? One who has embraced the American culture a bit more? If so, perhaps this person could act almost like a "Cultural Interpeter" between you and allow you to sit down and talk this through and come to a compromise, let one of the other poster's suggested? if you don't have that in your life, perhaps you could speak with an American wedding coordinator who specialized in Indian Weddings? Not to hire permanently but to perhaps pay a one-time fee to act as a cultural mediator? I think finding someone who understands BOTH cultures to help you talk this thru might be helpful.

Good Luck

My heart goes out to you. Being Indian myself, I totally know where you are coming from. Over the years, I have found myself more than a wedding planner and more of a family counselor. Have you thought about bringing a 3rd party in to help incorporate what everyone wants? It doesn't have to be a planner, it could be your decorator who truly listens to what all sides wants and makes the appropriate suggestion.

I TOTALLY FEEL YOUR PAIN!!

I supposedly had a 'conversation' with my parents where i too went through the ordeal of who's wedding it is and who's spending the money.

My parents are also paying for my wedding but they're totally leaving me out of it and I feel as though it's no longer my wedding or feel as though it's even close to a 'dream' wedding.

All I requested was to have a special tent on the day and my response was "MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS!' I didn't realize my wedding was not my business.

I wish you luck all the same.

Thanks y'all. I'm getting through this. My parents have certainly 'toned down' a bit.. I'll take whatever I can get I guess.

Good luck to all you lovely brides