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VIP November 2021

How to Deal with Other Big Life Events

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Allie, on April 7, 2021 at 9:58 PM

Hey all. I just need a spot to vent and have others share their thoughts on this because I’m pretty sad right now. We just found out that my FH’s sister is pregnant and due 2 days before our wedding. My first reaction was to obviously be happy for them expanding the family. But then his other sister told me this sister was scared to tell us because she was worried we’d be upset because she’s kind of stealing our thunder with a baby. It’s her second, so it won’t be like it’s her first. But I didn’t feel that way until it got brought up and I started realizing she’s going to miss out on literally everything, we will have no family photos with her at our wedding, she won’t be at my bachelorette most likely. I’ve also been feeling really down lately with his side because they are all at the making babies stage and we get left out of a lot of stuff and even the stuff we are invited to, we mostly sit in the corner and talk to each other because everyone else is all over the kids now. It’s an awkward time because nobody really seems excited about our wedding because they’re all through that time period. And while I know nobody is as excited for a wedding like the people in it, I can’t help but be sad because I do feel like a little of our moment will be taken away with his family with her being due 2 days before. I want his parents to be present for him and I hope they really are on our wedding day. But I know it’ll be hard for them to be there for both him and his sister, especially if she’s in labor at the same time. And I’m just a mix of emotions. I’m happy for her but sad. I’m sure it’s something that’s happened before to others, but it’s a tough pill to swallow for me and I’m really struggling because I try really hard to not be selfish and remember that others have lives too, they don’t just stop living for our one day. But I wanted our day to be ours and now I just feel like it won’t really be because we may have to share our anniversary every year with her kid’s birthday. I’m just really struggling with this right now and feel like I shouldn’t be because it’s selfish.

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28 Comments

VIP November 2021
Allie · on April 9, 2021 at 10:06 PM
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Thank you. I wrote this post at the moment I first found out and was feeling it in hopes of others having experienced something similar that could offer helpful advice because I felt terrible about feeling the way I did. Now a few days have passed and I’ve been able to really think about things, and the issue is much deeper for us with how some things have been happening in his family, and the pregnancy just kind of brought some of those things to life. We are VERY happy for her and have accepted she’s just going to probably miss out on our day. So I do feel much much better and I’m glad others felt my initial feelings too and were able to share how they got through it!
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VIP November 2021
Allie · on April 9, 2021 at 10:11 PM
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They did feel a little bad, and I wouldn’t ever want someone to feel that way about a big life event like they were having. That’s honestly why I took it here, I knew I could get some good feedback on how to handle the situation. I wish that the case would be that if they were to have the baby early or late they would still attend, but it won’t be that way unfortunately unless covid is basically gone. She’s very cautious about it all and being pregnant she doesn’t want to risk it and having a newborn she won’t either. So I’ve come to terms with the fact that she just won’t be there and there’s nothing we can do about it! I am hoping that maybe she can join in on other things so she can still be a part of the process. But I told her I understand if she’s not feeling well enough. It’s all we can do! I feel much better. Thanks for saying this ❤️.
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Devoted August 2022
Bride2Be · on April 10, 2021 at 11:10 AM
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Maybe it’ll make things feel more inclusive and special if they came to a bridal shower or bridal brunch even beforehand! Or some people are doing the whole virtual zoom thing for the ceremony. Have you thought about doing that? Maybe they can join in that way or on a FaceTime call! That way they can still watch the ceremony and still kinda “be there”. Just a thought! Either way I’m sure your day will be very special and you will have so much fun with everyone who is there!
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Dedicated May 2021
Brigitte · on May 11, 2021 at 11:43 AM
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Allie - I had to come back and tell you how everything worked out haha! Our wedding was on 5/1, her due date was originally 5/5, so we knew that she and my brother might not be there. So of course, she went into labor on Friday 4/30 morning and had the baby during my rehearsal dinner! Everyone was walking on eggshells with me Friday morning thinking I would be upset, but I was totally ok. I had time to mentally prepare for it and I had the right mindset. I was so happy for them and just wanted baby and mom to be healthy. This was kind of ideal though to have it before so we didn't have to watch our phones that day and be worried. And they were just resting in the hospital room on Saturday so my brother put our ceremony livestream on the TV in their room and they watched it from there! And we ended up getting videography so we can share that with them, too. I missed them both so much, but such is life! I got a super cute nephew, and we're going to have a special celebration dinner with them in a couple weeks. I hope everything works out for your situation!
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VIP November 2021
Allie · on May 11, 2021 at 3:13 PM
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Thank you! I truly appreciate the follow up, it made me feel much better knowing I wasn't the only one feeling the way I did! Honestly, I am hoping for your situation as well...I hope she goes into labor and gives birth prior to the day of our wedding so nobody is hovering over their phones waiting for updates AND so my FH's mother can enjoy herself because what a tough situation for her to be in...choose between her daughter and son on important days! I love the livestream idea, I thought about doing that as well. But I think ultimately we are going to just skip that. I'm really really happy it all worked out for you and the celebration dinner sounds like a blast!
As for me...I'm feeling much better about the whole situation. I think some things were a little deeper than I put on in here with his family and just the sense of feeling left out of things, but I've worked through it. I still get upset sometimes but mostly just because I will miss people who are important in our lives, but as you said...such is life! Thanks so much for coming back to update . I'm so glad everything worked for you and I'm sure things will fall into place for me too.
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Expert September 2021
Ka-Rina · on May 17, 2021 at 9:44 PM
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Yea sucks... but do keep this in mind. My 2nd kid was 3 weeks early.. you really don’t know when baby comes. She could be partying at ur wedding no problem
As far as family obsessing over kids and not ur wedding... I don’t blame you for being upset but I think it’s this way everywhere.. esp if there is more than one little kid and or pregnant people in your family or close friend group
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Dedicated May 2021
QuixoticWifeSerendipitousLife215 · on July 27, 2021 at 1:27 PM
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Allie - I second this response.
My own sister (supposed to be matron of honor) missed my postponed wedding because she got pregnant after I moved the date, which i knew was a strong possibility. I couldn't expect her to travel cross-country with a newborn during a pandemic, so, while crushed that she wasn't there, I understood.
Your feelings are completely valid. You are not selfish. These women just now having babies most likely didn't have to deal with any other distractions with others going through life events when they got married (esp. if they were in their 20s with a large bridal party, and everyone could make it because no one had babies yet and there was no pandemic, so yeah, I get it).
When you have been the person to be there for each of their life moments, you feel as though you are getting the short end of the stick, and you are (esp. if you are in a different life stage than other family members). It sucks.
But know this: your wedding will be beautiful, and your parents and in-laws will focus on you and your groom because they want to support you. Everyone says "you get one day" - well, this is the ONE DAY to have their attention. Any parent of an adult child worth their salt will give you the love, respect, and attention you deserve on your wedding day.
FYI - while my parents are super doting and supportive grandparents (as they should be!), my mom still talks about my wedding and what a wonderful time they had, and how happy they were to be there for me. I feel very strongly that your situation will be the same, even though it doesn't feel like it right now - it will come together
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VIP November 2021
Allie · on July 30, 2021 at 1:29 PM
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Thank you SO much for this. This is exactly how I felt/feel because my fiance's family are all past the wedding phase and very much into the baby phase. There's only us and one set of his cousins left to get married, everyone else is full into having babies and some their second, so it's hard because everyone is so excited for the new editions. But as our time is coming closer, people are starting to show some excitement for us, which is really helping me a lot with getting excited. I just really appreciate you sharing this and acknowledging that my feelings aren't totally crazy.
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