How to deal with uninvited guest?

If your shower is a female only shower, have the host tell her that. It would be inappropriate to bring him along. As far as the wedding, I kind of get where you're coming from because of the age factor. However, they've been together for 2 years. It would be considerate to extend the invitation to them both. It is not a plus one situation because they're in a relationship. $40 per person is reasonable.

View Quoted Comment I agree with all of this. I invited any plus ones that had been together long enough (basically 3+ months). Two years is a long time. Especially since she is a family member, I would have invited the boyfriend. I get wanting an intimate wedding but it’s not like he’s a casual fling or a crush. She obviously can see herself with this guy for the long haul, so in my opinion it is more on you that you didn’t invite him.
For the shower, if it’s a ladies only then tell her that. If men are invited too, I don’t see an issue. I’d want my man there if men were allowed.

“If you don’t know how to be comfortable with yourself being single in a family wedding, then lost cause”. She isn’t single though. She has a long-term committed significant other that you are choosing to ignore. Regardless of your reasoning, she’s an adult and her SO should be invited unless you are excluding SOs across your entire family.

So I'm confused you gave your friends who are single the option to invite a plus one, a crush, or a friend who you may or may not know but your cousin who's boyfriend of 2 years traveled to your wedding and you have a problem and didn't invite him.

well sorry that your friend's potential relationships are more important than your families.

nonetheless it's your affair so just tell your cousin upfront he's not invited.

If you are going to stand on principle, any established couple is always invited together to social events, unless the event is restricted to members of an activity club ( team of soccer players) , to a single gender ( women of Massachusetts legal profession) , or unless all guests are invited as singles, as with a coed shower where some friends of the bride are women, some are men, but none are invited with SO. So YOU have violated one of the most basic and important rules of social manners or etiquette. They have been dating 2 years, and whether or not you met him does not matter. If you did not know, you should have changed and issued an invitation when you found out. . . If the shower is a couples shower, he should have been invited. If only individual friends of the bride, no he should not come. The wedding, he definitely should be invited. You need to contact this young women, apologize for not inviting him to a couples and familes event, as her long-standing boyfriend. Then make it clear, if the shower is not couples, he may not enter. If the hostesses do not invite someone, they do not come. If she intends to bring him anyway, she needs to stay home herself. And just attend the wedding , with him, both of them invited. . . . She is being defiant because you have treated her unfairly. If you correct that error and invite him to the wedding, you then can expect her to follow the rules too. But you cannot call out someone on breaking the rules when you started by breaking the rules.

I think it’s a no brainer that her man shouldn’t come to the shower, unless it’s a couples shower. Then he should come. Maybe she has never been to a bridal shower before and doesn’t understand that it’s generally all women? She probably just needs to be told that. But I think her boyfriend should be able to come to the wedding. It’s not like he will be in family photos so who really cares. If they have been together for 2 years already then I’m sure he has come to other family events as well.

I can see not wanting him at your shower. That's fine.

However, you really should have invited her SO to the wedding. Plus ones are for single guests

Her man
should not come to the shower. However I think you are using her age to be little her and her BF of two years. Imagine someone telling you your fiancé can. Or go to a wedding then you get there and others were allowed to bring a crush? That is not fair.

Overall showers are generally female only, if yours is female only then have whomever is throwing it call her and explain that. It's generally not a coed event.
Now I don't know what relative this is to you, if she's a sibling or type of sibling then you're being a bit of a jerk not inviting him. If she's a cousin then I don't see the problem. I'm not inviting any cousins significant others, we don't talk to them enough to even know if they're dating anyone anyway, and my guest list is capped at 65 people. So I see why wouldn't want a stranger there.

This whole thing was super judgemental all around. They are a social unit, he is not a +1 and should have been invited.

It's sad you didn't invite her boyfriend. I am doing a couples shower so it's men and women. If your not tell her that but you should let her boyfriend come to the wedding. I probably wouldn't go to your wedding if I was her and turn the trip into a vacation with my boyfriend instead. She is traveling from another state to celebrate with you why make her do it alone?

View Quoted Comment

Agreed. He isn't a plus 1, he's a SO of 2 years and should be invited by name to the wedding. If the shower is only for women, then he should not be attending.

I am not sure why a boyfriend is coming to what is presumably a female bridal shower. Also, I am going to disagree with most here. We took a family first approach. There are two families that have sons or daughters with boyfriends or girlfriends whom we did not invite. Because our wedding is a family first affair, I think it is absolutely more than fine they can come spend time with their family at our wedding. Additionally, my two cousins who have the girlfriends, we have not seen or spoken to their family in years because of a family fight between our parents. I did not even want to invite the family, but I was told by my parents that I had to. So I simply invited the 4 of them, void of the girlfriends. I really don't care, because they don't even know my FH and again, I was forced to invite them. So I think things can be situational. I would stick to your guns, if that as your choice. An 18 year old can certainly enjoy a wedding with her family as you said.