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Beginner November 2018

How to decline bachelorette party invite after confirmation ?

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Christine, on November 1, 2018 at 4:57 AM

So I’ve got an invite for out of town B party and from the beginning I’ve been told that we’ll all go to the nightclub (table etc ) and stay at bride’s house for overnight and pre party. As the days went by, they have added an upscale restaurant dinner and later the girl who’s in charge of it, told me that the bride has booked the hotel .. but they’re thinking of upgrading it to a suite ... that’s what makes me sad , I didn’t expect to spend so much money , I thought that we’ll do the nightclub and that’s it , but now with all these add ups it would cost me about $700 instead of $200. How do I politely decline ?! Honestly, the girl who organizes it never asked us what’s the budget , she would just offer ideas and everyone vote. Besides that the bride has not even call me once since than , like she didn’t invite personally, nor invited to her hotel for pre party. At first I thought that it’s a surprise so that’s fine, but now I don’t even see any “ special” appreciation or attention from her .. but at the same time we re all expected to spend so much money on her like she’s the best friend .. how can I cancel this invitation without offending anyone or sounding cheap ?! Because honestly I don’t want to be the one who says oh it’s too expensive or I won’t share

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32 Comments

Beginner November 2018
Christine · on November 1, 2018 at 6:04 PM
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I’m just curious ladies how much money do you usually spend on this type of parties ?! It’s just in other post I’ve read that someone had 15 girls and they rent out a place with private cook and some tour and each paid like $200 that sounds like an amazing deal !!! But in our situation there are only 6 or 7 of us and the expenses goes up to $500 per person (firm)plus misc still pending , so I think it’s a little bit too much
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Super September 2019
Courtney · on November 1, 2018 at 6:19 PM
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I honestly think it’s pretty rude to change the entire plan and budget on you. Like everyone said, just say with all the changes it’s out of budget. Have a fun night.

And I agree, the bride probably doesn’t even know this is going on, so try and leave her out of it. If this was my bach party I’d be annoyed that the plans got changed and my friends couldn’t afford it instead of thinking of a plan everyone could afford.
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Beginner January 2020
Mariah · on November 1, 2018 at 6:21 PM
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I think it's definitely rude for them to suddenly change the plans and assume that everyone would be able to go, or that everyone would be ok with it, ESPECIALLY when the group isn't just bridesmaids. I think you just need to tell them that this wasn't discussed ahead of time and that you won't be able to participate in the full evening of activities. I'm sure they'll understand.
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Master 0000
Judith · on November 1, 2018 at 6:22 PM
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This. Spending $700 on someone's bachelorette party is insane, unless everyone is very high income. Many many bridesmaids have difficulty finding $250 for a dress, shoes. Never mind a shower gift or wedding gift. That is 5x the per person cost for our wedding reception food and bar, and portion of venue rental. For one person, for a bachelorette???
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Beginner November 2018
Christine · on November 1, 2018 at 6:23 PM
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Update: so I’ve told the main girl that I won’t be able to split the suite for the hotel , even thou two other girls can and she said that it’s totally fine. However I just got a final itinerary and it looks like they did book the suite ! Plus they have added one more after hours club.. I’m definitely canceling! It does look like $700 at the end or so plus that suite makes me look bad in front of others that I didn’t contribute.. they just did what they wanted . I’m fine with that and understand it but not my style .
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Dedicated August 2019
Courtney · on November 1, 2018 at 6:49 PM
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That’s ALOT to expect someone to pay and I would politely just tell them unfortunately it’s not in the budget and I wasn’t planning to spend so much and it’s jsit not a good time right now. I have had to decline multiple due to financial situation and most have been very polite and understanding. Good luck
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Champion December 2017
earias · on November 1, 2018 at 8:08 PM
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It should be based on everyone's budget that is agreed upon before any planning takes place. The budget is decided and then the activity. In this case, it sounds like she did things in reverse and didn't consider anyone's budget.
Personally, I think these parties lasting more than one night get to be too much. When I was a bride last year, my girls came up with 3 ideas for me to choose from, one being an overnight trip which would have cost more but probably would have been more fun, I chose the least expensive option. It is important to be considerate of everyone's time and resources.
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Dedicated June 2019
Ellebt · on November 1, 2018 at 8:21 PM
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Can't agree more! I've seen it way too often in a group setting. The question will always go back to "why didn't you speak up? We could have changed the plan, but now it's too late, etc...". Honesty is always the best policy, but now it's better for you to contact the planner directly rather than in the group.
(Edited due to not being able to see all the posts previously)
Just curious, when is this bachelorette party taking place? It looks like the planner has an itinerary and she's sticking to it regardless. I think it's definitely on her to not address the budget range in the beginning. That's such a big change from the original plan to now that it's completely understandable for you to back out.
The bachelorette parties I've been to are closer to 1k range since it's usually out of the country (Cancun, Toronto, etc...) but it's a small group of us and we usually know the budget ahead of time, plus we actually think of it as our girl group's vacation (we have the same bridal robe & bride-to-be tiara & bag to be passed from the previous bride to the bachelorette). However, I don't think this would work as well if the attendants are not close enough to everyone in the group, and thus not comfortable with speaking up.
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Beginner November 2018
Christine · on November 1, 2018 at 9:24 PM
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In Vegas on Memorial Day weekend .. and most of the girls come from Cali , bride actually lives there and few other coworkers of hers
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Savvy November 2018
Shameka · on November 1, 2018 at 9:59 PM
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You do not owe those girls anything. If I'm not mistaken you are not a bridesmaid correct? There's no way in the world I will come out of pocket that much for one night and I am not even a bridesmaid. Tell them you appreciate it but you're going to have to back out at this time. They need no explanation because TRUST...as soon as you offer explanations, someone is going to bring up why you couldn't attend and everyone is going to jump on board and you will be a topic. I am the bride and my bridesmaids were bashing some of my friends that couldn't attend and I had to put my foot down. People's true colors come out during weddings. Good luck!
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Devoted September 2019
Phelicia · on November 1, 2018 at 10:17 PM
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That's true. My MOH is planning my B weekend and all I am privy of is the date. We did have a conversation about the budget bc all of my bridesmaids are in different situations. So she is taking that all into consideration.
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Beginner November 2018
Christine · on November 1, 2018 at 11:35 PM
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Here's what happened . I've contacted the main girl and explained her that unfortunately, I can't make it and if anything we can catch up with a nice dinner right before the wedding. And it looks like she gave me her attitude. Her reply was something like " well, we already planned everything but if you can't you can't that's fine " .. wow!
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