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Dedicated August 2018

How to feel about not having a Bridal Shower or Bachelorette Party?

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Lourdes, on June 10, 2018 at 10:34 PM

I just would like some advice or comfort or words of wisdom... something!! I don’t want to care but I do! I don’t believe I’m having a Bridal Shower or Bachelorette Party because my MOH is my sister & she is very isolated & to herself. It makes me very sad because this is God willing Once in a Lifetime for Me!
To make a long story short... I was in a previous relationship for over 6 years that didn’t end well & I stayed single for 5 Years due to this. I finally found My Knight in Shining Armor 4 years ago & he proposed 1 years ago. With what I had endured in my past I never thought this day would come. So with that being said..
It just makes me sad to think I won’t get a chance to Celebrate & make memories like I imagined with my girls.
MOH is not a go getter & is a home body. Whenever I have asked her if she had anything in mind because my FMIL, FSIL, Close friends, other bridesmaids have asked me. Her answer has been she doesn’t know because our family members aren’t near us. But I don’t get it because more than 70% of my guest are hear in State. So majority of my girls are here & all have been asking. Idk what to do or if I should say something about it or express my feelings on this matter. I was to the point where I was like whatever & left it alone but then yesterday when I went for a hair appointment for me & my mom, my stylist asked me because she wants to attend too & my mom made a comment like “I don’t really know anything because the MOH is my daughter & we all know how she is, she’s really not a planner.” And here my emotions got stirred up again.

As much as I want to let it go & not pay it any attention I have someone else asking me about it. What should I do? How should I feel? As hard as it has been. Should I just leave it alone?
Thanks in advance.

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25 Comments

Expert July 2018
FutureMrsHarris18 · on June 11, 2018 at 9:02 AM
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I don't think you should be upset... You know your sister. If this is not her strong place (being that she is isolated) then have your other bridesmaids come together and throw you one. Or have your mother step into the role for that day. Your sister may even join. She doesn't have to be the one that manages it.
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Dedicated August 2018
Lourdes · on June 11, 2018 at 10:24 AM
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Thanks Anakaren! I totally agree with you 100% about the bridesmaids having a role in the wedding. I am sorry that your in the same situation as I am. I hate the feeling & hate it more that another person in is the same place as me.
Once again a lot of people may not agree with how you & I feel about wedding parties but I am Hispanic but very Americanized due to my sibling & I being born/raised in New Jersey but we were raised to carry our cultures beliefs & upbringings. So when you say yes to being part of a Bridal party you automatically know that it is your responsibility to help with whatever is needed like decorations, planning all events, asking if the bride needs help, etc... I honestly have been very fortunate to have a lot of support even from just friends that are excited about my wedding. Example: 1 offered to help pay for part of catering, 1 bridesmaid (other sister) sent me money for my jewelry for my wedding & 1 gifted some money to help pay for our cake. These are things that we do for each other. This is the norm in our culture. I didn’t really even expect all the support & help so I am very very Thankful & feel so Blessed to have their help. But it was just the fact that people are just waiting on the MOH to host these other events but I am just going to talk to my other sister (BM) & BFF (BM) to just come together with MOH directly since they both have been asking me & giving ideas maybe if they share it with MOH then something will be done.
I wish you luck with your wedding & wedding party as well. Thanks for sharing.
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Champion June 2019
Gen · on July 3, 2018 at 10:54 AM
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Any of your bridesmaids (or relatives!) can and should be throwing you a shower! It’d be rude to just outright ask them to do it but you could say something like “well my MOH isn’t doing it, but if you want to...”
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Super September 2018
Allie · on July 3, 2018 at 12:36 PM
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Honestly, I would ask you mother or FMIL to do your bridal party.. and just let them know even though your culture normally has the MOH, that she isnt doing it. Maybe they would want to have one for you. Thats what i would do! Im so sorry your sister isnt stepping up!
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VIP July 2018
The Nuptials · on July 3, 2018 at 1:20 PM
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At this point, 60 days out, I think you will unfortunately have to let the idea of a shower go. It will take too much time to mobilize and get invitations out for a middle of the summer event.
BUT! I would recommend you send out an Evite to your friends and ask them to come over or go out for a girls night. Go make those memories, but you are hosting this which means you are paying for it. No need to mention the wedding as that would be off putting and make it seem like they need to treat you. But make it a girls night that you plan to celebrate life and all thats going on in your friend group.
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