How to fight cynicism?

You gotta learn to live in the moment. If you dwell on what happened in the part or what can happen in the future, of course it will make you feel the way you do now. You no longer can change the past, but right now you can help what will happen in the future. If you accepted to marry your FH, it most have been a strong enough reason to want to spend the rest of your life with him. There will always be "what if's" and "what about's", but if thats all you think about, your only feeding your self doubt and mixed emotions. We're only humans and ultimately we're all seeking happiness, so your right to want to be happy years from now, who doesn't? Im sure if you start from the get go, and you both work very hard now, you wont have to worry about it later. Your parents relationship is apart from yours and only you two have power and control over it. The best advice I was given was to use the first 90days to build a solid foundation in our marriage, solid foundation=solid marriage.

One thing to understand, is that no one is perfect. Everyone goes through moments when they are completely in love with their significant other and times when your questioning your relationship. From reading your message, you seem to want to marry your fiance and are truly in love with him. It also seems as if you may just be afraid of commitment, which is natural. After all, this is a big move. One that will follow you the rest of your life. And as for your parents, imagine if they didn't have each other. Your partner is going to be your other half, your left hand, and as you said, your lifetime friend.

My parents have been married over 30 years too and it is a tall order to live up to. Before Dizkneeman, I had no relationships longer than 9 months. So, I worry sometimes that I'm just in it because it is there. But I realize on days and weekends when he isn't there just how much I do miss him and how empty life would seem if he wasn't there in the first place. Early in our relationship he said something very profound (weird - from a guy?!?) Anyhow, he said "there isn't anything we can't get thru together if we're able to talk about it". And it is very true. And because I believe in him, in us and that statement, I know we'll be together much longer than 30 years. Good luck. The other thing I would say is make sure you are taking time to still be you. Dizkneeman plays sports and for a while I sort of wallowed home alone without him. So I went back to school and feel better doing things for me too, not him, not us, but for me. I think it helps to keep me grounded.

Thank you guys for your responses. That talking about thigs that someone mentioned is gold. But talking productively and kindly is a difficult art! So often we have intimacy together and that's great, but we aren't that way all of the time. And sometimes we have a hard time with those other moments, days, etc...when we are having a hard time understanding each other or are tired. Any advice there? We eventually work it out, but sometimes after tears and strong words. That worries me, and then I start doubting "us", which doesn't help the situation. I also don't know what I want for my 'professional' life. I just graduated college and am finishing a 2nd degree I don't know if I'll use, and trying to figure out life ideas, money issues, etc. I feel kind of down about this sometimes. He is waiting to go back to get a masters, so we're kind of in career limbo. We don't have much money, and that adds to the stress. But we're trying to be thankful for what we have... So

Life goes on! A lasting relationship: be best friends first. Many couples don't take the time to get to know each other. Your mate = Best Friend! Many relationships are based on physical aspects, being good in bed does not ensure a good spouse. Do they have a short temper, jealous, controling, have trouble expressing their feelings of emotional Love, but easily call you names when upset? Then it won't last. Evaluate the relationship. BAD Habits! Can you spend the rest of your life with this person? They'll change after we get married! Odds are against it! You get married! Arguments? Don't go to bed angry, work it out! NO NAME CALLING, you CAN'T take it back! Make time for each other! Quiet cuddles, no talking, just holding. Verbally say (I Love You) Everyday! Make sure they know it by saying it! I Missed you, I'm glad you're home, a gentle kiss on the forehead! Do things together, the two of you! No crowds! Take Me time. Don't lose who you are! This is how to make a marriage last!

Hi Catherine,

I read a book that really helped me with this issue you are going through. It's by author Steven Carter and it's called "Getting to Commitment" The cheapest place I've seen it is on amazon.com.

Good luck,

Breidie