How to handle Bridal Shower when the planners aren’t exactly invited to the wedding

Just let them know "while I appreciate the offer, (greatly!) I've already commited to a couple of other showers" - you don't need to accept their offer.

A shower thrown by the "church ladies" without them being invited to the wedding is one of the few exceptions to the rules. Similarly, a shower thrown by co-workers not invited to the wedding is also acceptable.

There is no breach of etiquette when a group of women, knowing they are not invited to the wedding, want to host a shower for the bride. This commonly happens in church groups, neighbors, book clubs etc.

They probably have a long standing tradition of hosting showers for each others'daughters.The guest list should be limited to the church members.

You definitely don't have to say yes to this. Just tell your FMIL that you appreciate the sentiment, but it makes you uncomfortable. If she tries to insist, you just insist harder.

Personally, I don't get the multiple showers thing, or the church shower thing, so I see it as being totally unnecessary. I mean, do you even know these women?

We do this for co workers all the time but we are all aware we aren't invited! Agree with PP about guests should only be church members. If you feel uncomfortable then politely decline. I can see how it is a tough choice since your parents are so involved.

I dunno, I guess I don't see why that has to be your problem...

What does that have to do with anything?

Not sure why you care about my opinion so much. It's not your post. You're entitled to yours, as I'm entitled to mine. Have a blessed day.

I generally agree that it sounds like this could be an exception to the normal circumstances and that you can feel free to accept the invitation without feeling obligated to invite the church ladies.

HOWEVER

I will note that my FMIL invited a few people to our engagement party that we all knew (including the guests) were not going to be invited to the wedding and after the engagement party, suddenly we "had to invite them". After some back and forth, we now have four additional guests. Just a cautionary tale.

Right about what, exactly, dear? This is all a matter of opinion, so by definition, no right or wrong. Smooches!

I had four showers in total and we only invited 14 people to our ceremony and reception. Our current church ladies wanted to throw us a shower as well as the ladies in the church I grew up in. My immediate coworkers threw a small get together at work where they bought us one large gift. Also, the elementary where I serviced (with over 50 employees) threw us a HUGE shower. Once again, only 14 people were invited to our ceremony and reception, most of which was family (10) and four of our closest friends. I DO not think this is out of line at all. Make sure you understand the intentions of the individuals throwing the shower. Most simply want to celebrate with you. However, the traditional church shower is mainly a southern thing. I have since found this out when we moved to the Midwest.