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Dedicated January 2021

How to handle Invitations

Jenn, on October 22, 2020 at 12:37 PM Posted in Planning 0 10

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Hi!
My wedding is 2/13. As of now, my venue has a cap of 100 guests which means we have to cut out 105 people. It’s not going to be pretty.

We still have 114 days but there is a high probability that capacity isn’t going to change so we are planning for it.
So I have a couple things I need advice on. We created an “A” list which is our 100 people that MUST get an invite (Immediate family and best friends). Our “B” list is everyone we removed. I am thinking of sending invitations to our A list early December (rsvp is due by 1/16).
So, as I get “no’s” back do I then send out an invitation from the “B” list?
Do I wait until I hear back from my A list before telling the B list the bad news?Or do I tell the B list before invites go out and tell them we will contact them if space opens up? What do I do with the people on the B list who already sent us gifts? (My wedding was originally 5/1/20) Is December good to start sending invites? Or should I give myself more time due to the predicament with 105 ppl sitting on the sidelines?
I’m dreading having these conversations and I want to make sure I handle this as sensitively as possible and not offend anyone.
Help 😭

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10 Comments

Latest activity by Rebecca, on October 23, 2020 at 3:50 AM

Master October 2020
Yasmine · on October 22, 2020 at 12:42 PM
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I honestly would try to get them out November-December. Obviously people usually feel some type of way about "A" and "B" list but during covid there is literally no other way around it. Without covid they would have been invited. I personally would tell them or at least make a generic message and let people know that due to COVID you had to SEVERLY make cuts to your guest list because your venue is only allowing a certain amount of people. Also let them know that the numbers could definitely change but you will be in contact.
I can't even imagine cutting that many people out. My husband and I didn't want to go over 100people for our big wedding and it's hurting us cutting 20 to get to our venue max, I can't imagine 105
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VIP January 2019
Maggie · on October 22, 2020 at 2:32 PM
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Did your original complete list all receive save the dates? If so, I would contact each of the people on the B list to tell them you had to reduce your guest list to meet COVID restrictions. That sucks, but anyone who doesn't understand that these days is being willfully obtuse. And you owe them the courtesy of telling them to "unsave" the date.
But if you haven't sent them a save the date, then I wouldn't do anything but send invitations to the 100 guests you can accommodate in the usual invitation time frame.
I am not a fan of the standard way of using B lists, but of course I recognize that times are different. It's unlikely that you will be able to invite a large amount of your B list anyway, so I wouldn't tell the whole list anything like "We will contact you if anything opens up."
Instead, for any A listers who firmly decline (make sure they know they can't change their minds!), personally contact your B list VIPs to extend an invitation. Let them know they are very important to you and you are sorry that the difficult situation means they are getting a very late invitation.
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Super October 2022
Michele · on October 22, 2020 at 3:07 PM
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The best way to offend someone is put them on a B list because they know they are second choice with a last minute invite and is highly rude. Pick whomever you absolutely want there within capacity. Everyone else gets an announcement. If you have declines, then you have a smaller guest count and live with that.
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Master July 2019
Hannah · on October 22, 2020 at 3:11 PM
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I would just send the invites to your A list and maybe send your B list invites to attend virtually and apologize that due to COVID restrictions, you had to cut the guest list but you still want them part of the day.
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Super September 2020
Alli · on October 22, 2020 at 3:31 PM
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I read a book on wedding etiquette and it said never to do a Plan B list. However, we are also in a pandemic and I think you can make an exception. February is right around the corner and I know a lot of people from here the A list probably not attend… We are not going to be attending any indoor weddings for the next six months at least. My state is also experiencing an increase in cases and considering another shut down soon. We got married in September and we followed the executive orders of outdoor capacity and that is the number we invited. We did not mess with a Plan B list... we were under capacity due to RSVP declines, but we honestly did not care, it is about us 2 and our day.
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Super October 2022
Michele · on October 22, 2020 at 4:06 PM
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The etiquette experts who wrote the books were consulted at the beginning of the pandemic via New York Times etc and their reply was to abide by etiquette now more than ever because it's a proven system of how to avoid awkward social situations. So it doesn't make sense to toss it out the window.
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Super September 2020
Alli · on October 22, 2020 at 4:09 PM
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Makes sense, which is why I stuck to wedding etiquette! 😊🤍
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Dedicated January 2021
Jenn · on October 22, 2020 at 4:14 PM
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I agree with this. So do you think I should send a card in the mail explaining that we had to reduce guest count due to Covid and al thought we won’t be able to have them physically there that we would love for them to join our ceremony virtually, with the link? Or you think skip that and call them and post them link on our website?

I didn’t have a B list before and I didn’t plan on having one but everyone received save the dates.
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Super October 2022
Michele · on October 22, 2020 at 4:21 PM
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The mail right now is very unreliable due to the upcoming election. So I would get on the phone with everyone asap you have to cut and let them know the circumstances. You can post the link to the Zoom presentation on the website.
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Master August 2019
Rebecca · on October 23, 2020 at 3:50 AM
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This is likely your best bet.
If any B people are local, you can maybe slip them a verbal notice... but I think switching a lot of farther out people to virtual is kind of expected right now.
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How to handle Invitations

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