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VIP April 2022

How to handle mom

CountryBride, on February 16, 2022 at 1:05 PM Posted in Family and Relationships 2 7

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So as most of you know my mom and I's relationship can be high conflict at times. I have my 2-week daughter in the NICU and our main focus has changed from wedding to my daughter as it should be, So My mom is pushing that we get transportation, from our hotel to the venue, she looked up prices and it's between 700-2500. it is not in the budget and we don't see the point since most of our guests are driving anyways, and our venue is 5 minutes from the hotel, she won't let it go, even after we said no!!! We have paid for this wedding ourselves and my mom has made it clear that she cant pay for the shuttle we have never asked for her help. but still, she won't let it go. and she is telling some of the bridesmaid's things that are not true or have been made into plans yet ex So last week We were thinking about having our rehearsal at 12:00 the day before our wedding because they have another wedding at 2:00 and then have a rehearsal lunch, I was waiting to hear back from our venue rather or not that would work before I started telling the bridal party, I got texts from some of my bridesmaids saying they need to know asap because they need to take off of work. and I haven't made any final decisions on the rehearsal time. then my mom called me last night has the nerve to tell the bridal party where they are getting dressed and ready. asked again if we are having transportation and said that my fh can't use the transportation because he would see me. yet he would be the one to pay for it, as well as she revealed to the bridesmaids that I was paying for their makeup and hair. it was supposed to be a surprise and part of their gifts, ugh I am just over 2 months out and I know I need to make these decisions I am waiting on my planner to get back to me as well as the venue, I hate conflict as it causes me anxiety but how do I get my mom to butt out of all this because it's causing drama and confusion,

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7 Comments

Latest activity by Michelle, on February 17, 2022 at 2:01 PM

Master September 2019
Sarah · on February 16, 2022 at 1:47 PM
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“Mom, I won’t be discussing the wedding with you anymore. If you’d like to talk about anything else, I’m here, but if this is about the wedding, I’ll be ending this conversation”. Then tell your bridesmaids that you’ll let them know when/how/where you need them as soon as you figure it out.
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Super March 2022
JA · on February 16, 2022 at 1:54 PM
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Oof, I'm so sorry this is all going on at once!!
I mean there are a few ways you can handle this. You can tell her point blank that you do not want her to talk with your bridesmaids because she ruined surprises and is adding confusion to the situation and it isn't appropriate for her to be speaking with them about wedding stuff. As well as that you do not want her help at this moment, but will reach out when something comes up.
Another way to do it if she isn't getting the hint would be to find some busy work for her to focus on to feel important. Things that are helpful but won't really matter. Such as packaging favours, printing programs and folding them, making hotel welcome bags, etc. This could refocus her attention.
Finally, you could really get another family member/friend involved (someone she is really close with) and talk to them and explain that you love her but are really needing her to take a step back, and ask that they talk to her. Sometimes hearing it from someone else who they love and trust gets through differently than you saying it to her.
I definitely know how frustrating it can be when family is overstepping so much, and I can't imagine dealing with it while having a newborn in the hospital. You've got this!
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Expert September 2022
Allie · on February 16, 2022 at 5:25 PM
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Yikes, I agree with both Sarah and JA. Both have excellent ideas. Wishing you luck in the wedding planning process, and wishing your newborn health and strength!
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Super November 2020
Natalie · on February 16, 2022 at 8:23 PM
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The simplest way to do this is to stop giving mom details and inform members of your wedding party know that reliable wedding information will only be coming from you or FH.
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Rockstar November 2054
Jacks · on February 17, 2022 at 4:10 AM
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Yep, stop discussing it with her. Give your wedding party the heads up that you/your FI will be the only ones communicating plans.
Hope the little one is doing OK!
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Expert October 2021
Kristen · on February 17, 2022 at 1:27 PM
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First of all, you need to tell your mom that your #1 priority right now is your daughter, so even though it's coming up, the wedding will need to take a break. Second, along with that break, to echo the sentiments of others, you need to tell her that this is YOUR wedding, not hers, so final decisions all need to go through you, not her. She has no business contacting the bridal party or the venue without your permission. You need to just tell your mom that you and your FH are calling the shots now, and she needs to back off and just help take care of her granddaughter.
Speaking of which, on a happier note, congrats on the baby!! I hope she recovers soon and can come home.
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Rockstar December 2022
Michelle · on February 17, 2022 at 2:01 PM
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Stop discussing details with her. This applies to any situation, not just the wedding. Change the subject, walk away or hang up the phone. Repeat no as often as you need. Because she won’t listen to you, is there another relative (dad, sibling, etc) who can get the message across to her? Also touch base with your bridesmaids and let them know that only you are giving information about the wedding. Is there someone who can act as a bouncer at the wedding to keep her from upsetting you?
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