How to Handle: Negative Opinions

Just remind yourself that your mom isn’t wearing this dress so while it would be great if she loved it, you’re the one who has to love it. Her opinion comes second to yours, no matter what she has to say. If she starts being negative let her know that she’s free to wait outside if she’s not feeling supportive. I know it’s hard to set boundaries, especially with parents, but for your own sanity it’s important.

As long as you are happy with your decision then that's what matters the most. Of course it would feel better if your mom loved it also, but from reading your post is seems like you are pretty used to the way that she acts. I would ignore it and let it be known that if she doesn't have anything nice to say then don't say it at all. Do you really think she would act that way dress shopping though? Especially if you are actually happy with a dress?

I am so sorry you have to be worried about your mom being negative. It's the absolute worst. All I can tell you is try to focus as much as you can on your own feelings and on what your MOH says. At any point if your mom starts saying negative things that are too much just try to block her out. If your consultant this time is good then they should also be able to help hype you up and read your emotions.

I found mine with my mom and my grandma. My mom is always super negative but my grandma and I are normally close so I figured she would be able to offset my mom's attitude. They both ended up being in terrible moods that day and all my grandma could say about "the one" is "It's okay, but I don't love it." Thankfully my consultant was amazing and she was the biggest hype woman I had that day. Once I got home I was upset but I spent some time with FH, reflected on what our wedding day is really about, and kept looking at my dress alone in a safe space and I don't regret getting it.

If your mom is being really terrible, you can always choose to wait to actually say yes until she's no longer there. That way you can try the dress on again in a neutral environment and actually have a good "this is the one" moment. Good luck with your appointment! No matter what your mom says or thinks, whatever you decide on will be beautiful and your fiancé will think you're smokin' when he sees you!

View Quoted Comment

Thanks for your reply Sarah! I keep telling myself that, idk why her opinion/approval is so important to me. Hopefully she will be on her best behavior and once she sees what looks good on me she will change her tune

View Quoted Comment

Thank you Yasmine! I hope she won't act that way dress shopping, she always ALWAYS makes a comment about my weight when I see her and I've snapped back at her before - but she will say it in a way like "I can't get used to you with all that meat on your bones" and laugh it off.... I'm the heaviest I've ever been and I don't mind it at all most days, she's used to me being like 100-120lbs not 150lbs (quarantine depression and getting older will do that to you). Maybe one she sees how happy I am in it it'll be different. I've sent her pictures of "the one" and she just tells me I don't have the chest for it - which is silly because alterations are a thing.

When I went the first time and tired on the one, my friend cried - the alterations lady who was passing through while I was trying on other dresses too said that one was the best one on me, I facetimed my MOH she said the dress is gorgeous and your reaction to being in it told me it was the one by how happy you were. She got married in the 80's, and dress styles have changed a lot since then. She thinks you have to cover up to be bridal

View Quoted Comment

Thanks for sharing your story Jessi, that helps me feel a little better. I'm glad you were able to overcome your mom and grandma's negative feelings and fall in love with your dress. I know in my heart I found my one - but my head hasn't caught up yet! I really appreciate your advice.

View Quoted Comment

Yeah it seems like she is being very inconsiderate. At the end of the day if you love the dress then go for what you love. & it seems like everyone loved that dress as well. Hopefully she will just be happy with you once she actually sees you in it and your reaction. Goodluck with everything

View Quoted Comment

Thank you so much!

I'm sorry you have to even think about negativity on what is supposed to be a really fun time. I just had a similar conversation about things with my aunt because my cousin is going to get her dress soon and is bringing my aunt, and my aunt needed some tips because she doesn't like a lot of what my cousin picked in photos. I told her that she needs to make sure the bride gets to voice her opinion FIRST and my aunt needs to tailor her response to how my cousin reacts. Everyone is going to have different tastes, so one person may love lace and the other may hate it, but that doesn't mean they have to be negative about it. Can you try asking her to let you express your feelings first and then ask her to try her best to not be negative if she sees you love something? I know that's kind of blunt and hard to do at times, but setting some boundaries may help. Maybe she doesn't realize she's doing it.

View Quoted Comment

She might not realize that her comments are actually hurtful since she plays it off as a joke most of the time. Thank you for your advice Allie!

I'm sorry you have to worry about this.

My mom and I are best friends, but she also constantly pokes at my weight which is something I'm extremely sensitive about, I have some pretty severe body dysmorphia, so when I showed her the dresses I was interested in her only comment was "yeah you're gonna have to lose some weight for that"

I went dress shopping with my Mom, MOH and my Best Friend (who is the only one who knows how deep my dysmorphia runs), before we went shopping my mom was also sending me dresses that were not my style and the complete opposite of what I was looking for.

I don't know how close/comfortable with your mom your MOH is, but you can always ask her to run interference.

I gave my MOH the job of running interference with my mom on dresses that I didn't want to try on or didn't like because they weren't my style, my MOH is my cousin (and we were raised like sisters) and she didn't have a problem with this.

I then gave my Best Friend the job of running interference with my mom when it comes to her wanting to make a comment on my weight. We've been best friends for 15 years so she's pretty comfortable with my mom and also didn't have a problem with this.

View Quoted Comment

I'm sorry you had to deal with this as well Erin, I hope you ended up finding your dream dress - my mom and my MOH have met a handful of times and my MOH has no issues running interference ! We actually have a plan since I found my one already, I'm going to try on maybe three dresses and find something wrong with each of those. Then I'm going to try on the one, and then try on a few more and circle back to the one - maybe debate between two lol. So its a staged thing but my mom thinks its the first time I'm going since she would have a meltdown if she found out I went with my FMIL and FSIL first

View Quoted Comment She knows they're hurtful, that's exactly why she always plays it off as a joke, to be able to back out by saying that it wasn't meant seriously if you get really upset. On the other hand, it's good to have someone there who will point out flaws (with the DRESS!) and be critical, but maybe you could ask her to be constructive? If she says she doesn't like something, ask her why exactly. Have her list reasons. Have her show your ALTERNATIVES! I always say it at work, but it applies here as well: don't bring me your problems without having at least searched for a solution. If her only reason for not liking something is your body - well, thought, it's the only one you've got and you're not going to alter it like a piece of clothing.

View Quoted Comment

Thank you Chloe, I appreciate the insight. I will ask her questions of what she doesn't like and ask her for alternatives - that sounds like it would be helpful. I kind of have a feeling if I ask what she thinks she will just sit there and be like "well I'm not wearing it you are" which I guess is fine by me if thats all she says, but if she tries to hijack the appointment with her picks and say rude things I will not be afraid to leave.

View Quoted Comment

Thank you! I did find my dream dress, and my mom actually cried when she saw me in it!

You can't control other people's actions but you can control your reaction to them. I know anticipating your moms negative comments stresses you out, but knowing that she's most likely going to make them, gives you time to mentally prepare yourself to where you can regulate your emotions.

Dress shopping is SO fun (as you know), don't let it be ruined by negativity, I know it's easier said then done, but go in with your head held high and keep it there. This is YOUR day, don't let anyone dim that!

View Quoted Comment

I really appreciate the encouraging words! I'm so excited to go with my MOH and to see her, we don't get to hang out all the time cause she lives in AZ and I'm in IL - so nothing will ruin that!

I'm so glad you found your dress!!

I so hope it goes well for you! It's truly hurtful when people are negative. You'll have fun with your MOH, how exciting! Let us know how it goes!!

View Quoted Comment Ok I was making myself miserable for nothing. She loved the dress I picked!

View Quoted Comment

OMG how could she not love that dress. You look amazing! I love the neckline and that waist! Just really beautiful!!

View Quoted Comment

This dress looks amazing on you I am glad your mom liked it