How to include stepmom

I got ready in my step-mom's hotel room (much more relaxing for me than getting ready with my mom!). But since you are already doing that and having her process, I would write her a letter or card telling her how much she means to you. Give it to her privately and spend a few moments together early in the day.

I agree with doing something privately as this is the best way to keep the peace with your real mom. Or maybe ask her if she can lend you a piece of jewelry for your something borrowed.

I allowed my stepmom to give ideas and suggestions as far as the planning process. She went to some venues with me, she came with us dress shopping to both stores (my mom was there as well) and she picked out and put together my bridesmaids bouquets! They didn't used to get along but they put aside their differences and are now able to communicate and be around each other for the sake of me and my son.

It sounds like you have a great stepmom! I have a great one, also! I think you should assure her she is not overstepping and let her know how much she means to you. If you find the right way to honor her in your wedding, do it.

With all that being said, if you think your mom and stepmom will have an issue with the other being honored in your wedding, then you should address both ahead of time. While they may not like each other, let them know that they each deserve the love and respect they've both shown you while growing up. Let them know you will not tolerate pettiness on your day.