How to let Bridesmaids go?

If none of the girls have purchased BMs dresses or contributed money towards anything bridesmaid, then I think it would be easy to do away with the bridal party. I would just let them know that you have decided to downsize/simplify your wedding, and you and FH have decided to just not have a wedding party. I don’t think anyone would be upset or offended by that, as you are not “demoting” anyone from the role due to behavior, etc. One of my best friends actually did this with her wedding. Her sister was to be her MOH, and myself and three more of her friends were to be bridesmaids. She just didn’t enjoy the planning process and decided she wanted things to be more low-key and simple, so she just told us she had changed her mind on having a wedding party. Everyone understood and there were no hurt feelings. Just be honest with your friends, and I am sure they will be understanding and supportive

I don't understand what you mean by unofficial bridal party or all of the quotes you are using for standard terms like maid honor and groomsman. It's quite possible that your friends don't understand either, and that's why they haven't bought their dresses and are not helping in the ways you want.

It can be a friendship-ending move to ask and then unask people to be in your wedding party, but if you are not going to have one at all, after all, then it should be OK to tell everyone you have changed your mind. As long as you are consistent (no bridal party at all), then no one will feel singled out and rejected.

Moving forward, remember that it's no one's job but your partner to help you plan your wedding. Some people love planning weddings and will offer to help, and that's fine, but it's also fine for friends to prefer just being guests instead of planners.

Does unofficial mean that you never actually asked them but are expecting them to help you plan? If that's the case then it would make sense why they aren't communicating. I'd really love some clarification on what you mean by them being your unofficial bridesmaids to get a better idea of how far their "roles" have gone.

Either way, while it's usually not good to ask people then take it back, it's a little better since you're getting rid of all of them and they haven't bought anything for the wedding yet. If you are un-asking all of them and some have bought dresses - I see you said that two haven't, so maybe one has - then I would offer to reimburse them the cost if they're not able to get a full refund.

I'll also echo what Maggie said about it not really being their job to help you plan. It's nice if someone has the time and wants to, but that's not a requirement. These people have their own things going on and they don't have to be as excited for your wedding as you are.

If you asked them to be an unofficial bridal party then you already don't have bridesmaids, so you don't need to kick anybody out. If you don't want them to get ready with you just don't invite them to get ready with you. And ditto everyone else about people not being as excited as you about your wedding, especially when it's still many months away. Maybe reconsider how often you're texting them about the wedding if they're frequently not responding to your texts.

I am also confused about the whole "unofficial bridesmaid" thing. You originally expected them to purchase dresses, get ready with you, be involved in wedding planning, do everything that a bridesmaid does except walk down the aisle. So they're bridesmaids in function but without the title?


I'd phrase it as, "Hey guys! Don't worry about getting dresses or being there early to get ready with me. FH never got around to picking his groomsmen, and it would be easier for all of us to not have any form of bridal party at all."
But what will you do with your MoH, who has presumably gotten her dress?

If you asked them to buy a specific dress for the wedding, then you really don't have "unofficial bridesmaids" unless that was 100% communicated and understood by everyone, and unless you get rid of the bridal party all together (including your MOH) then it's an easier item to handle. Willow's advice on how to phrase not having a bridal party is a good way to go

If you are basing this only on the fact that one person has helped you plan, then that's not really a reason to get rid of them. It's your and you fiancés wedding to plan, not theirs. If any of them has bought a dress for your wedding at your request, you should offer to reimburse them if they cannot return it.

Are you willing to lose the friendships?

Tell th how you feel.
Coming from a fellow introvert who has chosen a MO and pissed off A LOT of people by doing so, it's not about them. It's about what you want for your day. If that's something they cannot understand, then how well do they understand you?

If they've already been invited to participate though and then dismissed for no reason, it could be hurtful.

What do you mean by unofficial bridesmaids? If you haven't officially asked them, then why would they help out or do any of the bridesmaids things like buy a dress.

Sounds like they aren't really wanting to do it anyway, so they might be relieved to have the title removed?

Just be honest & tell them the truth. They are your friends for a reason, and know you.