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Kristin
Just Said Yes May 2019

How to move on from a disastrous wedding?

Kristin, on June 28, 2019 at 2:17 PM

Posted in Married Life 57

I'm not sure even where to begin (or if this is the correct forum to be posting on), but I will start by saying that I am so happy to be married to my best friend and love of my life. That was never the issue. But the things that happened before and during my wedding left me with such disappointment...

I'm not sure even where to begin (or if this is the correct forum to be posting on), but I will start by saying that I am so happy to be married to my best friend and love of my life. That was never the issue. But the things that happened before and during my wedding left me with such disappointment and sadness, I literally start to tear up any time someone asks me about it. I'm posting this not only as a way to get it all out, but to ask if anyone has tips on a good response to questions about the wedding, or if there is a way I can shift my mindset about it.
We had been together over 5 years when he proposed, and wanted a relatively short engagement (originally planning for 9 months). Then his sister got pregnant, and we ran through scenarios of her and his parents, etc. not being able to make the wedding the month before she was due, our original date. So we decided to move it up 3 months, leaving me only 4 months to plan EVERYTHING.

Trying on dresses was kind of a disaster. The store attendants took pity on me trying on dresses by myself (I'd moved out of state, no friends or family nearby.) My mom said she'd pay for my dress, but wanted to see me in it in person, so I waited to try more on until I went back to my hometown. I found the PERFECT dress, that made my mom and sister cry, and I felt like a princess. But then we went to another shop, found a cheaper style that I kind of liked, and my mom paid for it basically before I could say anything. My dress was ordered in the incorrect size, based off of incorrect measurements the attendant took. After $360 of alterations, the sleeves were still falling off of me, and the cups were so oversized, you can see half of my breast in the gap in a lot of our pictures. I felt so uncomfortable in it.

My bachelorette party was supposed to be a scavenger hunt in Palm Springs, which everyone sounded in to when I mentioned it, but then they all started cheating, and rushing to the next bar, ignoring the game and saying they were over it. OK, fine, lets just drink. But then by dinner, everyone was sleepy and one of my bridesmaids ran in to friends and decided to hang out with them instead. I was just over it so we went back to the hotel. The next day by the pool was lovely, can't say anything about that! And one of my bridesmaids put a lot of thought in to decorating the rooms, which I so appreciate.

The story of the DJ is long, but let me summarize. My mom paid him up front, and for the next month, he was unreachable. His website didn't work to put in song requests and order, when sent to him directly (1 week before the wedding), he stated that too many of my songs were vulgar and despicable (Cardi B and Nicki Minaj and the like), and that I should just listen to him and his years of experience instead of embarrassing myself. After much back and forth, he agreed to play what we asked.

Moving forward a bit to our rehearsal, everything went fine.
The morning of our wedding, I went for my beauty appointments and these people acted like they'd never done services for a wedding party before. I brought in pics of both hair and makeup, and while I didn't expect them to be exact, the hair was horrible and like nothing I wanted, and the makeup was so bad, the artist actual told me she wanted to step back and let someone else finish because she wasn't sure how to fix what she'd done! I saw her crying in the back room! I literally think it was her first time applying makeup. I had black circles around my eyes and my face was so cakey.. I should have done my own, truly. I was basically in tears in their bathroom before we left.

At the venue, I did my best to fix my makeup. The hair had been sprayed to the point of being crisp, so no fixing it. I still think to this day, I looked awful. My mom, who was assisting with the flowers and cake setup, was in the bridal suite for about 10 minutes when we arrived. She was unable to be located after that, and I didn't talk to her again until the reception. I took pics with my mother in law instead, putting my jewelry on me. Pretty sad my mom missed out on those moments.

Even though I didn't want to see many people before the ceremony, they just kept coming in to the suite, even after I was in my dress, drinking our champagne, and sitting on the couches. We took pictures, (more on those later), and then everyone got seated and lined up.

Here's where it started going downhill. The DJ played my processional song instead of the bridal party song when the girls started walking, and when he realized this when I got to the start of the aisle, he abruptly stopped and started it again. Even though I'd asked several family members to record the ceremony, only one did and the file won't open now. I felt almost numb walking down the aisle, kind of out-of-body, and I truly can't remember so much of the ceremony or even what happened after. I hate to say that I was fake smiling while walking down the aisle, but I kind of was.

When the wedding party walked in to the dining area, it was to no music (I requested music, obviously), and our first dance was super awkward (obviously on us for not taking dance lessons), but I also asked the DJ not to play the whole song, which of course he did, so we ended up just stopping in the middle and asking him to cut. Our main courses were horrible, and nothing like I'd been served at the tasting dinner. I didn't have more than a couple bites, and I was starving. The DJ repeated 2 songs in the first 20 minutes of dinner, because he kept hopping in to the photo booth to take pics, even though he brought along 2 assistants that we had to pay for meals for.

I also kinda blame my bridesmaids a little for not telling me that my strapless bra after I changed into my reception dress was so unflattering that I can't even look at any of those pictures because I look just horrible, back rolls and all. I'm not skinny, but don't usually have back rolls, and it look like my back had been sectioned off 🤦‍♀️I would have just gone braless, had I known! The cake cutting was a nightmare, again because of the DJ who kept yelling at the crowd to encourage my husband to push the cake into my face. Several people told me "you don't need to hit every table, let them come to you" and I highly regret listening to this because I didn't get to talk to nearly as many people as I wanted to, take pics, etc. I feel like some people didn't even want to talk to me, which hurts of course, but that they were there for the open bar and to catch up with other old friends.

The photo booth broke down 30 minutes before it was supposed to due to a technical issue, the DJ messed up a "money dance" that I was supposed to have with my bridal party and instead asked that ALL ladies join us in the corner of the room, therefore ruining what we had planned out. I was so upset that I started drinking heavily (red wine). Flash forward to going to a bar, a karaoke spot, and then home to puke on my wedding night. The next morning, I was so ill and hadn't packed a separate makeup bag or hair brush, so I showed up to the day-after brunch looking like a wreck and not talking to anyone, trying to hide how upset I was.

Then my mother in law said something a bit insulting about my mom, so my mom left brunch before ordering food and later confessed she was crying on her way back home. Flash forward to 6 weeks post-wedding and I receive the pictures.. They're so heavily edited that the foliage all looks dead, people look fake, the colors are so totally off, and I don't even want to share the pictures. I thought at least I would have those to look back at fondly. I spoke with the photographer and she stated "that's what my work looks like, I won't change it, you probably shouldn't have hired me if you expected it to be different."

So yeah, it's been almost two months since and I still cry thinking about my wedding. I just want to hear that the feeling goes away. I feel guilty knowing that our families (and of course ourselves), put so much money in to this, and my feelings of this day are predominantly negative. I do have great takeaways like the speeches, seeing the look on my husbands face as I walked down the aisle, and of course, actually being married to such an amazing man, but that's literally it. I'm starting to think a deflective answer like "Oh, well, it was kind of a disaster, but we're married now, so that's all that matters!" but I feel like this is going to piss some people off. I need to talk about this to be able to move on, but not sure who! A therapist maybe? If you made it this far, thanks for reading.

57 Comments

  • Fwbride
    Super July 2024
    Fwbride ·
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    Yes I agree with “eloping” for an anniversary or doing a vow renewal in 10 years or so!
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  • MrsJohansson
    Expert June 2019
    MrsJohansson ·
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    Wow, you've been through a lot! Sorry everything didn't turn out the way you wanted Smiley sad It's good that you've got all of this out. A lot of us have had one or more things go wrong with our day so you aren't alone. You also have your partner, your best friend.. lean on him!!

    I would recommend first that you talk with a professional to help you navigate through the experience and feelings you have. Second, get a dress you are happy with and retake your wedding pictures. There is nothing wrong in doing any of this. Have you considered going away somewhere with your husband? That may help. Wishing you all the best

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  • Denise
    Super September 2019
    Denise ·
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    Man, I've heard that your wedding day wont be perfect but it seems like everything that could go wrong, did! I would think that the deflective answer would work. That's probably what I would do. I know that there was a LOT of negative but try to think about the positive(s).

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  • F
    Super April 2019
    Future Mrs. Polar Bear ·
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    Wow. That's a lot. I'm so sorry you went through all of this. Sometimes just venting on here helps. If someone asks how your wedding was I would just say "I married the man of my dreams, it was amazing." or something like that. You don't need to say anything else.

    What matters is that you married you who wanted to and you have the rest of your lives together to fix any broken moments of the past. The past is in the past. Leave it there. Move on.

    I know it's easier said then done, but you've gotta let it go.

    On another note though, there are plenty of couples who do vow renewals. They are very small, personal, and cute. You could do something like that maybe for your one year anniversary and get some great photos.

    Maybe not your thing but there is a brewery in MKE that does it each year for any couple that wants to join they just show up with a song, and whoever is joining in. They do the vow renewal, have some beers and dance to a song. It's quite sweet actually.

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  • Megan
    Dedicated August 2019
    Megan ·
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    Girl I am SO sorry that all of this happened to you. 😓 Sounds like a lot of unprofessional behavior and lots of mishaps. I don’t think it’s wrong to feel this way at all. Definitely good to see the silver lining (married to the love of your life!), but maybe consider talking to a therapist! Even for a few sessions.
    Best wishes to you!
    • Reply
  • Sherry
    Master September 2019
    Sherry ·
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    This makes me so sad reading this. It was supposed to be such an amazing day for you! Even though your day sounds like it went nothing like you had planned, you did get to marry your best friend so there is always that. As far as photos, I would suggest having your hair and make up re-done by someone that knows what they are doing. Get you and your man in your wedding attire and having your photos re-done, again by someone who knows what they are doing. No it wont be the same and it will cost but you will at least have some photos for you to cherish through the years.

    Again, I am so sorry you didn't get to experience your wedding like you hoped.

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  • Nikita
    VIP April 2019
    Nikita ·
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    It's horrible when a big life moment gets upstaged or goes downright awful. Can you try to re-frame it for yourself to turn it into a comedy of errors? That's what I usually have to do to make it through the V.C. Andrews novel that is my life.

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  • Luca
    Devoted May 2021
    Luca ·
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    I am so sorry that you had so many problems on your wedding day. Planning a wedding takes so much time and energy and to have so much go wrong must be really depressing. Here's what I would do- plan a new day just for you and your husband.

    - Buy a new dress (or outfit) that you feel great wearing (and doesn't have to be a wedding dress).

    - Plan a small weekend getaway or even stay at a local hotel

    - Have a private vow renewal with a different photographer to take some nice photos

    - You could even pick up a small bouquet or have a small one tier cake

    - Go out and enjoy a romantic dinner with your husband

    You can do as much or as little as you want with a vow renewal.

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  • T
    Super June 2019
    Tiffany ·
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    It sounds like you may have the wedding blues or depression. I have struggled a ton after my wedding as well, so many hiccups and such. I’m relieved it’s over, but I think it’s the comedown of it all and the inability to change what went wrong.
    i have been working hard at trying to put the wedding behind me and forget about things. I don’t even want to talk about the wedding and am doing things I enjoy instead.
    I am giving myself some time to get over it and if I keep struggling I will be seeing a therapist and will consider short term medication if I need to.
    Do some research about the post wedding depression that can happen it’s very enlightening.
    its very hard when you can’t do things over and so many things go wrong.
    how you pour your heart, soul and bank account into one day and poof! It’s over and it wasn’t what you had hoped for.
    but it is just one day. Remember that in scope of your marriage it is a blink. I like the advice here about trying to redo pictures and maybe a vow renewal and get an experience that you can look back on more fondly. Hugs to you, I understand so much.
    • Reply
  • Brandi
    Devoted September 2021
    Brandi ·
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    Beautiful lady keep your chin up. I'm sorry you had this bad of a feeling especially on your special day. But I have to agree with some of the other ladies here...you and you hubby do a vow renewal and invite those who make your world. Get dolled up fox your face and hair your way and rock it girl your man loves you for sure that is why he chose you!!!!! Hire a photographer and go to your favorite places and redo your pictures so you have little peace of mind and pick out your favorite cake for y'all and indulge! Again I'm sorry your day went bad but your life is awesome. Good luck!
    • Reply
  • Emily
    Savvy May 2018
    Emily ·
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    I am soo sorry that this happened to you. You married the man of your dreams, which is the most important thing!

    many people don’t even have weddings, or get married in general.

    i think retaking photos with a different professional photographer would help! Have a fun weekend out together and get your hair and makeup done and put on your dress again, or a different one if you want! That way you can have photos to cherish with fonder memories. It is actually a thing for couples to take wedding pics after the wedding! Smiley smile


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  • Renee
    Super October 2020
    Renee ·
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    I am so sorry all that happened to you! I hope you can find peace and move on at some point. I agree with anyone who said to give them bad reviews. It could help another bride or another person planning a party. I also second getting your pictures redone. I saw someone say do a vow renewal and I loved that idea. That way you get better pictures and can remake some positive memories.

    I only have one picture at my previous wedding with my mom. We did the first look and all the pictures before the wedding. Well she showed up late because she lost track of time at the bar. At like noon. So when she did show up, she was a bit tipsy. My ex MIL and best friend were the ones in the pictures helping me get ready. I was mad and didn't really want a picture with her but we did one. Then, on the way to the place we were having the ceremony and reception (pics were done in the church we were supposed to get married at-long story) my mom decided to stop for 2 more white Russians and caused the ceremony to start late. Needless to say, she was drunk, I tried to avoid her, and she left early after being obnoxious during the best mas's speech-without saying goodbye. So yeah, parents can be disappointing at times.

    I hope you feel better soon

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  • Kristin
    Just Said Yes May 2019
    Kristin ·
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    Hi, Melle!
    I'm so sorry that it's taken me a while to come back to respond to these comments. It was so cathartic to write it all out and read some of the responses, but then I needed to take a step back for a moment.

    I do feel hurt about the way that things went down, but the feelings are starting to lessen with time. I've spoken with a photographer friend of mine, the one who did our engagement shots, and she's down to take some more shots for us!

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  • Kristin
    Just Said Yes May 2019
    Kristin ·
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    Hi, Woman On The Go.
    Thanks so much for commenting. It definitely did help, and I needed it to get my frustrations out. I think in time I will be able to look back and laugh. My husband doesn't think poorly about the wedding, but he admitted he just doesn't really think about it at all. He thinks the wedding went "fine" but he also didn't realize some of the things I'd been dealing with throughout it all.
    We might look in to the vow renewal in like 10 years, but no way with this debt that it will be financially sound to do it sooner.

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  • Renée
    Devoted March 2019
    Renée ·
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    Oh my god. My heart sank lower and lower reading each new detail. It sounds like so many things went wrong for you and I’m sure you put a lot into this being an awesome day- and it just wasn’t.

    I think talking about it will help- hopefully just venting here helped you work it out some. It’s ok to be disappointed- so many things went wrong. I’m glad that you’re happy about who you married and that part is all solid. What does your husband think about all of that?

    I like the idea of doing wedding pics over, maybe even in a different dress since yours sounded like part of the problem.

    I know that you’re on the right track to getting past this by the way that you saw the things that made you happy, and that the man you married and your relationship is not the problem. With a little more time, I think that the disappointment will sting less. I’m so sorry that happened to you!
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  • Renée
    Devoted March 2019
    Renée ·
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    Edited to add I’ve read your response now and I’m happy it seems you’re moving through it. I was also pretty sure your hubby (guests too) wouldn’t think it was a bad wedding. You’re on the right track!
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  • 8Bitbek
    Devoted October 2020
    8Bitbek ·
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    I would've written some scathing reviews of some of those vendors, especially the DJ!

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  • Vanessasaurus
    VIP June 2019
    Vanessasaurus ·
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    I am so sorry your day went this way! Is there any way you and the hubby could get away for a sort of do-over? Like a faux elopement, where you two can just focus on all the positives of your relationship? Maybe try to “replace” the negative experience with a positive one.
    • Reply
  • C
    Just Said Yes August 2019
    Craig ·
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    I totally appreciate things went wrong but fml, you’re married right? You got married to the person you love the most! S**t happens, just enjoy what you’ve got and enjoy the rest of your lives together. Your wedding day is important but my god, your description sounds like an apocalyptic world! I get that you spent a lot of money and you had a vision and you wanted it to be perfect but just hold on to the fact you’re married. F*^k the day, nobody cares. They just want to see you happy, which you should be. Your 👏 life 👏together 👏 is 👏 more 👏 than 👏 your 👏 wedding!
    • Reply
  • J
    Savvy January 2021
    JaineyBride ·
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    I second this idea of retaking the pictures. Having something that you are proud to display in your home and share with your friends will make the whole fiasco much less overwhelming. Perhaps even planning a small vow renewal for your first anniversary to give you a true do-over wedding could be something to consider. I am so sorry you got so many unprofessional venders, hopefully you have them all very honest reviews to help save the next bride.
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