How to Politely Drop My Bridesmaid

I totally understand your concern! I’m having the same issues with my wedding party, My MOH does not want to be vaccinated and I have other wedding party members who are concerned about it. So as a compromise I told her she would have to wear a mask and left it up to her. Obviously I’m not happy about it even just for pictures but that was the compromise to make everyone as comfortable as possible

You can’t force someone to get vaccinated, but just tell her that you’ve decided that anyone not vaccinated won’t be able to attend.

"Because we are in a pandemic and my fiance is still battling cancer, we assumed that all invited guests would understand that we expected them to be vaccinated."

I'm not sure why you would have assumed this. I would have assumed you'd postpone the wedding if you determined the risk to be too great.

Regardless, there isn't really a way to remove someone from your WP without the risk of hurt feelings. Be straightforward and tell her why you're removing her, but be prepared for a damaged relationship or no relationship at all. There just isn't a good way to do this.

Do this ASAP. If she has already bought dress/shoes/etc., you should reimburse her for those.

View Quoted Comment Yep to all of this. OP, there may be servers at your wedding who aren’t vaccinated. There’s simply no way to control this and put you and your fiancé in a 100% vaccinated bubble.


Unfortunately, if your cousin feels strongly for whatever reason about not getting vaccinated and you decide that means she’s unwelcome at your wedding, you need to tell her that factually but gently, and immediately reimburse her for any wedding costs. I’d make sure this information is communicated directly to every guest as well—and know that again, unless you require cards at the door, you have no way of knowing if someone will lie and say they’re vaccinated when they’re not.
I am very sorry about your fiancé. My prayers are with his health.

Unfortunately, you should never assume someone would know that you want them to be vaccinated. People have different reasons for not doing so such as pregnancy (I'm currently pregnant) or allergies. It honestly sounds like it would be better to postpone your wedding until your fiance is healthy enough rather than potentially forcing your guests to be vaccinated. But if you don't want to postpone and would rather remove your cousin, I would be prepared for some backlash from her or the rest of your family as there really isn't a nice way to remove someone from your wedding.

When you say little cousin how old does that mean she is? Could you ask her to wear a mask the whole time instead?

View Quoted Comment Agree with all of this.


I understand living with a high risk person, I really do. I spent my whole life doing it. I'll have a person with cancer at my wedding. But I just don't agree with pushing vaccines on your guests because of *your* concerns about risk. My family always made it our burden to take care of our high risk family member, we didn't ask people to make changes and especially didn't ask them to take a vaccine approved under an EUA. It would be more reasonable to scale the wedding way down or to pay for tests for people.
So you can uninvite her, but don't be shocked or offended when she inevitably has soured on your relationship

Just be polite and direct. He / you have been guarding his health a full year now, but it will take another 6 months to a year for those with compromised immunity to be safe. People have made greater sacrifices than not being a bm. She should understand.

Have you reached out to each guest individually to let them know of your vaccination requirement? Putting it on the website it not enough; unfortunately a lot of guests just don't look at wedding websites. And you can't "assume" people just know without direct communication. Maybe you've already done that; it just wasn't clear from your post. As for your cousin, if you've told her vaccinations are required, and she has told you she is opting not to be vaccinated, it seems like you already have your answer? It's the same answer as it seems like you will have for any other guest..."I'm so sorry, but we are only allowing vaccinated people to attend." There's really no other way to dress it up.

One thing you could do (instead of removing her from being a bridesmaid) is ask her to get a negative COVID test within a few days of the wedding, and ask her to quarantine the week of the wedding and wear a mask at the wedding. That way, she isn't forced to get the vaccine if she doesn't want to, and you can still feel safe having her at the wedding. If it costs her anything to get the COVID test, I would also recommend that you offer to cover the cost, since you'd be requesting that she get the test. Otherwise, if you decide remove her from the wedding party, be aware that it may damage your friendship with her.

Typically, removing a member from a WP is a friendship ending move. However, your situation is completely different- it is quite literally someone’s life at risk! If your cousin is aware of your fiancé’s battle with cancer, then surely she will be completely understanding that you are simply trying to protect FH’s health. If you require vaccination from all guests, you will want to make sure you do the same with all vendors as well. If you haven’t done so yet, I would reach out to all of them to see if they are vaccinated and whether they require their staff to be. It would defeat the purpose of having guests vaccinated if your vendors aren’t. I do agree with others that postponing until after he is healthier may be a safer and wiser idea. If you want to be married right away due to medical benefits, next of kin, etc. then you could always just go to the courthouse now and have a vow renewal in the future.

I would ask her to quarantine and take a negative test before the wedding. It will definitely make sure she doesn’t have it, and many people did this anyways before the vaccines came out.

By 'little cousin, she's over 16 right, and eligible for the vaccine? I'd talk to her individually and make it clear why you're requiring all guests (especially wedding party) to be vaccinated. I'd do the exact same thing if I were in your situation. It would be one thing if she can't get the vaccine due to a history of allergic reactions, but it sounds like she just can't be bothered? Anyway, I'd talk to her to see what's up. If she's refusing to be vaccinated for no good reason, then I'd drop her from the bridal party too, but also be prepared to deal with the consequences. Yes, asking a bridesmaid to step down can be a friendship ending move, but if I found out that someone close to me was an anti-vaxxer, then that would be reason enough to end the friendship. If she cares about you and your family, then she will understand why you have to do this.

View Quoted Comment Thank you for your input! Our entire vendor staff is already vaccinated. She is the only one outright refusing to do so. I would love to postpone the wedding but it’s impossible to say when his health will be 100%—it could take up to 9 years for his immune system to be back to normal.

View Quoted Comment So the vaccine is free, approved, and available for all. It’s 100% safe. She is my family, and I’m asking her to do her part to protect my new family. If she won’t, then I’ll surely miss her at the wedding.

View Quoted Comment This is just flat out untrue. It isn't 100% safe and it isn't approved for everyone. It went through an emergency process and many people have been advised not to take it by the FDA or by doctors.


Also my friend had such severe side effects that he was hospitalized for 2 days, missed a week of work, and lost several pounds. Not saying certain people shouldn't get the vax but that's a possibility.
Also I know people not taking it to protest the US hoarding it from the rest of the world and I support them.

View Quoted Comment Not taking an emergency vaccine doesn't make you an "anti-vaxxer"

View Quoted Comment I would appreciate it if this did not devolve into a vaccine discussion. I’m not looking for opinions on it other than those I have received from my fiance’s oncology team at Yale.

View Quoted Comment 100% agreed!

By doing this you are sure to not only hurt your cousin you can also be sure to have many family members mad at you I understand you are worried about your fh however there will probably be guests at your wedding who may not be vaccinated due to personal reasons and unless you ask people to show proof there may be people who haven’t gotten vaccinated