How to put my foot down

I think if she is footing most of the bill and you really want/need her help, you may have to compromise. Otherwise, do it your way 100% and pay for it yourself.

Well, if she's paying for most or all of the wedding she gets a say in everything. You'll have to compromise. We're paying for everything ourselves so I have the final say in all decisions.

My own mother is also paying and she's simply giving me what money she can afford and letting me do whatever I want with it. I don't think it's fair to assume that just because someone is paying they get to make all the decisions without the bride's input. Apparently that makes me crazy...

She doesn't need to be making ALL of the decisions, but you will have to learn to compromise, if you want her to foot most of the bill. If she is forcing things on you that you HATE, then I would speak up & just risk losing her monetary support.

Perhaps you can listen to her traditions and smile and say "We'll consider that, thanks." Also, see if you can find something low on your priority list (perhaps favors) that you can completely give over to her. But if you guys have a good relationship in general, I don't see why you can sit her down and explain why some things are outdated, or even point out some of the updates to etiquette that Emily Post has made.

If you'll be sticking around, I hope you'll update your avatar (the rings) to ANY unique picture from Google we can remember you by! This post tells you how to do that: https://www.weddingwire.com/wedding-forums/welcome-to-the-weddingwire-forums-please-read-if-you-are-new/b433c40c1a62b96a.html

Yes, listen to her and also say what you have to say right then and let it stand. You don't have to be ugly. There's a way to say things in a respectable way. I'm not traditional neither, I'm doing what i want for my day, it's your day and enjoy it. Congrats!!

Yes, with money comes input. Input does not mean she can ignore your wishes. It's still your wedding.

Maybe you could show her alternatives? Like "yeah, we could have inner and outer envelopes, OR we can have this really cool aisle runner/s'more bar/insert your idea here with the money you can save on that nonsense!"

"Those who pay get a say."

But, that is limited... Yes she should be able to inflate the guest list with some people she wants, sure she gets to have a voice way with certain things... BUT, at the end of the day it should be in line with your vision.

You don't have to put your foot down, and I don't advise criticizing her ideas or naming specific things you dislike of hers. Instead, tell her what your vision is. Tell her you're less traditional and show her a Pinterest board that gives her direction to what you want. Millions of pictures, and be very specific. I feel like you can get her on track (and mostly have your way) if you guide her through things. And make sure to reiterate how much you love love LOVE your vision/theme and all the help she is putting into helping you make it come true.

It sounds like you two have a great relationship, at the end of the day I'm sure she just wants you to be happy.

I'm having a similar problem, except she's paid quite a bit and then asks my family (who is by no means wealthy) what they're going to contribute after I've told her I'm not asking them for money. I didn't ask her to pay for anything, she has just paid for it on her own, without mentioning it. She has known for several months what kind of wedding we want, and will NOT let the fancy ideas die. My mom has made wedding cakes for many many years, and wants to make mine. FMIL has turned her nose up every time I answer the cake question with "my mom is taking care of it."

The #1 problem is that we want a simple rustic wedding, and she wants to throw this massive fancy bonanza that we can't afford to supplement. I've had to say no quite a bit and ignore what is possible to ignore without being rude - kind of like when she picked up a white cotton dress in a retail store and mentioned that she'd like to wear something like that for our wedding. NOPE.

Please change your avatar