How to survive a marriage with an Angry husband

Marriage doesn't change a person but abusers frequently hide their abusive tendencies until after major life changes that put their partner is a position where they feel trapped. An abuser often waits until after marriage, pregnancy/childbirth, or until their partner moves in because it's harder for the victim to move on (both emotionally and financially). I know what you are saying here, but I don't want someone who stumbles upon this thread to think that their partner isn't abusive because they weren't before but have started after a major life event.

I'm sorry I haven't updated you all. I needed time to thoroughly think things through and decide what I was going to do. I appreciated every one of your comments and input, and I considered each and every one of them. Everyone had a different view on my situation but I know they all came from a good place. I understood where each one of you were coming from. And the different views you all had reflected the dilemma taking place inside me. I love my husband dearly. Minus the anger that takes over him, he's a good person and I know he loves me dearly too. Marriage is something we both wanted and still want ours to work. But I also know that this is the start of a downward spiral that I need to take control of before it's too late.

It's been a couple of weeks since my original post. During the time after that, it took me a little over a week to fully come around. My husband could tell how badly our last fight affected me and thankfully he was patient, understanding, and supportive. He sought a therapist he had tried contacting before but never took the next step. He finally made the appointment this time and had his first session last week. He came out of it beaming, hopeful, and literally saying he found his therapist. He came home with some basic tools he was to do on a daily basis. This gave me hope.

As for me, my insurance situation turned around and I was finally able to see my previous therapist. Our session went well and she is going to help me work on myself so I can start loving myself more (I seem to have lost that when I started putting my husband's needs before mine), to be confident and to stick up for myself.

We were able to go through these couple of weeks without a fight or a hitch until last night. I should have known watching the UFC fight would have riled him up and stir something negative inside him. The source was, once again, over something stupid. It did not get physical and he didn't get super crazy with the insults, but he was mean and still went back to that place of belittling me. It was enough for me to feel uncomfortable and nervous. I recognized this and dialed my responses down to half of what I would have normally said to him. But it didn't matter how hard I tried to bite my tongue and just walk away into another room. He seems to have a worm turn inside him that makes him see me as his enemy who he'll crush and belittle and have no regard for feelings. This is the part that I still don't understand and I'm hoping he'll come to work on in therapy.

I decided I had to take myself out of that situation. I can no longer stand his repressive treatment and that smug resentful look I know I'll get when he sees me. So I woke up early this morning before work and packed a week's worth of clothing and as much essentials as I could take with me. I left a note on our kitchen countertop and snuck out of the house. I honestly don't know where we are headed to. Of course, I'm hoping this will snap some sense in him. But I also fear leaving and giving him this space will make us drift apart. He has his second therapy session tomorrow, and mine is next week. I'm just praying this will all work out.

I apologize for the long post, but I just want you to all know I am safe and still hanging in there!

I'm glad you made a decision to protect yourself. It's really great that you guys are in therapy and hopefully this can be a really important step towards healing not only your relationship but yourselves. This time apart could be really helpful for you guys and may be a wake up call for him to really buckle down and get the help he needs.

Wishing you all of the best.

I'm sure that was incredibly difficult and you're incredibly brave in doing so.

A girlfriend of mine was in a similar circumstance and could not leave him. Things got significantly worse and he ended up kicking her out onto the streets and she was alone with nothing. She rebuilt, eventually met someone new and is happy now, with twins. Her ex-husband is still continuing his ways but with numerous women.

I hope it works out for you, I truly do. I also hope that you will keep us posted and please hang in there. Remember self care is important and you have to continue to do the things you enjoy as to not lose a part of you.

Stay safe, and take care.

Thank you for the update. I am glad to hear that you are in a safe place at the moment and you took the right steps to move forward, whichever way that may be. We are here for you

I know this was hard for you. I left an emotionally abusive relationship after 12 years and I am so proud and impressed that you saw these signs early and sought to protect yourself. You are doing the right thing. His change won't happen overnight. It will take many many sessions. You work on you and hope for the best for him. When you are both stable I think couples therapy will help...if he is willing. Be strong. If you post here whenever you need to you have supporters. I'm glad you came back to update us. You'll continue to be in my thoughts. Sending love and light your way.

I just found your posts and want to thank you. What you are went though is almost identical to what I am going through right now - 3 months married and everything going downhill. I really hope, either way, you managed to sort things out - either with your husband or being brave enough to know when enough is enough. I hope you are well? I would love to please know if you found anything on your journey over the last 2 years particularly helpful?

Thank you again - for your honesty and bravery.