How to talk to my grandmother

Maybe don’t tell her anything else anymore or let her just plan only a really specific part if she’s super insistent

Just say okay grandma. I hear you grandma.and keep planning your day the way you want to.Once she sees the beautifully different event you put together, she will forget about what the cousin did differently.

I’m going to respond bit by bit:


1. Paying for wedding: if she insists on paying for your wedding (all or part of it), there isn’t much issue with this. I personally come from a culture where the family contributes significantly and normally invites a number of their own guests. However, her paying for all or part of your wedding does not entitle her to pick and choose how you spend it. In this regard, she needs to be told that if she wants to contribute, that is fine, but that she does not get to dictate you on how to spend that money. Paying for a wedding is by no means a meal ticket to orchestrating the whole thing - unless of course you want significant input from them.
2. Comparison to cousin: I think this closely ties in with the first issue here and your grandmother voicing her opinion has become hurtful. I don’t think there is anything wrong with them putting in their 2 cents (I consult my family on everything and we butt heads a bit but I’ll still listen to what they have to say, but won’t necessarily agree), however it has instead become her comparing you to your cousin because clearly your cousin did things more in line with what your grandmother would do and that’s a sore spot for her. Just the same as above I think you really need to sit down with her and put your feelings on the table, tell her it’s making you upset and that her comments aren’t constructive but are hurtful. If she continues past this, then maybe stop telling her details as things progress, but give her the benefit of the doubt at first instance.

Let her know you want your day to be just as special as your cousins but it has to be what both you and your fiancé want. Ad you realize that some things like save the date might be non-traditional but your friends enjoy them as they’re able to plan time off etc in the future. Yes this is something new but tell her more about what they are - that everyone who gets a STD will get a real invitation later, I got married first time in 1995. Trust me the new way is no where close to that way.

I think having a heart-to-heart could help. Tell her how you feel and that you & your fiancé need to plan your wedding to make it “yours.” Hopefully, she’ll listen.