How to tell a Groomsmen that he need to cover up his face tattoos

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I understand, I apologize if it came off harsh, but the wording of 'he needs to cover them' rubs the wrong way. No one should really have to change how they look on a daily basis for a wedding (beyond the usual spiffying up/getting your hair done/not looking like a hobo). For me that means not covering my tattoos, dying my hair, taking out piercings, things like that.

It may seem small to ask him to wear a little make-up or have them airbrushed out, but like a PP has said it's odd to anyone that knows him, and it's unfair. He chose those tattoos for a reason, it could be just because he thinks they look cool, but it's still a valid reason and asking to cover them is the height of rudeness to me. It would make me feel unworthy of being in your wedding or being your friend because you don't accept me as I am.

I just want you to understand that there's a mindset that comes with it, and having your idea of perfect pictures on your wedding may not be worth hurting your FH's friend.

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My goal wasn't to make him feel ashamed in any way, I more or less was trying to ask opinions, I didn't phrase my discussion very well. I don't shame him in any way, we accept him for him. My fiancé has known him for awhile now, and they have been through thick and thin

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I'm not trying to get the perfect wedding photos, as I know that there is no such thing. I was more or less trying to ask opinion of people, but I didn't phrase my discussion properly. We aren't shaming him for his tattoos, I have tattoos as well, I think that they are a way for a person to express themselves and tell their story. and if you read my initial post, I said that I wasn't bashing him or hating on him.

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Agree with this

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I'm not saying it would be intentional, but the mere act of asking him to cover them up for the wedding is itself kind of shaming him. Overall it is not worth even broaching the subject with him, because no matter which way you go it's likely to be offensive.

Are your pictures worth offending him even the tiniest bit? He'll look at those pictures too, and don't you think he'll be re-offended every time he does? It's just so not worth it, and I hope that you can see that after this.

View Quoted Comment Can I ask what specifically your thinking is behind asking him to cover up the tattoos, or your desire to photoshop the pictures to remove the tattoos? I’m not trying to be sarcastic, I’m trying to understand the sticking point.

View Quoted Comment I was thinking about it after I posted it, I wish that I would have worded my discussion differently. I am not trying to attack him, or pick him out, or shame him or anything. I know of some people who have had their tattoos covered up their tattoos before, wasn’t sure what everyone opinions were on it. I was going to get s tattoo before the wedding, because I thought that it was cool.

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I just feel like I'm not coming across clearly here, so I'm going to be a bit more blunt.

I understand that you're not trying to shame, attack, or pick him out. At least not intentionally, or even consciously.

However, you and any other person that's ever asked their wedding party or family members to cover their tattoos for a wedding are doing exactly that. It's time to move past this whole asking the wedding party to change their image to fit with my vision or wedding aesthetic.

It's wrong, and it's rude, end of discussion. If you don't want to be rude to your FH's friend get over that he has the under eye tattoos, accept it, and allow him to be in the pictures and videos with no modifications.

I don't mean for this to attack you personally, but this has been a trend on the forums for the last few days and I'm so over it all. So truly, no hard feelings. I'm a stranger on the internet with a very strong opinion, don't let it hurt you on a personal level.

View Quoted Comment “How to tell a groomsman that he need to cover up his face tattoos”
“ I am not bashing him or hating on him for getting the tattoos, I just don't want them in the wedding photos or videos”
“ you look at your wedding photos quite a bit, and the last thing I want is to regret them”
I don’t think this was a matter of saying it incorrectly. You made your feelings on this groomsman very clear.

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Agree with this.

I'm in the minority here but I think there's nothing wrong with your wants people here keep saying don't ask someone to be in the WP if you don't want them. They skipped a "detail": The groom did ask him, the bride didn't!


From what I read here MANY MANY brides request that bridesmaids/bridesmen/MOH (and grooms about their groomsmen/groomswomen) have to wear a color they may dislike, a specific type of shoes or even a specific hairstyle and those who reply are not shocked . It's not that different since you don't care about their style/personality with such requests, in my humble opinion.I mean: she wants him to cover the tattoos, not him to remove them. It's not the same, is it?That being said, i can't see a way to ask him in a nice way and your groom may lose a friend.Do you think it would worth the risk for the sake of a couples pictures? "you look at your wedding photos quite a bit, and the last thing I want is to regret them" ???

View Quoted Comment Unlike most of these brides I understand where your coming from. One of our groomsmen just went and got a tattoo outline of the state of Florida on the side of his forehead. I CRIED. I just talked to him about it he was super calm about the whole thing and was more than willing to cover it up. 🙂

One of my bridesmaids had a bride ask her to cover up her tattoos on her arms, and although she has tough skin and she wasn't offended by it, it was extremely annoying. She had to buy pretty expensive foundation right before the wedding, that ended up being sweat off and looked horrible in pictures.

She laughs about it with me and jokingly asks me not to ask her to do that for mine - which I would never. And now that bride's ridiculousness is just a topic at wine night that we laugh at.

In my opinion, the groomsmen aren't your deal. The groom chose them and you kind of need to stay out of it for the most part. My fiancé would look at me completely sideways if I asked his friends to get their tattoos covered, and so would the groomsmen!

I get the feeling of not necessarily wanting face tats in your wedding photos, but there isn't much you can/should do about this situation! Asking him to cover them up will make things extremely awkward and tense - and even if he bought some concealer to cover them, it would look ridiculous. Pick your battles!

View Quoted Comment I appreciate your comment. We aren’t hating on them or judging them, but you wedding is about you and your soon to be husband

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Amplifying this response. It is spot on.

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No one says don't ask them to be in the wedding party. They are your friends no matter if their hair is blue, facial tattoo, lip piercing, whatever. What the majority are saying is that it is rude and disrespectful to force/ask them to change their look for the day so that they "don't ruin" your pictures. If they are close enough to you to genuinely be asked to be your attendants, then accept all of them as they are. If you are unable to do so, it is NOT the fault of the person with the purple undercut and chest tattoo.

No one should be asked/forced to alter any part of their body for your event/pictures. Including hairstyle, tattoo coverup, taking out piercings that close up when removed, etc

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When you invite guests it is no longer about just the couple

I would not ask him to cover them up. If the tattoos being in your photos is really bothersome, you can always ask your photographer to edit them out.

As someone with large tattoos, I would be beyond hurt if someone asked me to cover them for a wedding. It's part of who I am. Do not ask him to do this.

You should have thought of this before you started making friends years ago, so you would never get attached to someone who is not marvelously attractive in the ways that matter in pictures. 😟😟😟😟😟😟😟😟😟 You seem to have misunderstood what wedding pictures, birthday, baptism, Christening and Graduation pictures are. Theyare a record in pictures of the people you loved at the time, who came to celebrate with you. What they are not, is fantasy visions you cast and script
and pay to look and talk and behave like the cast of a movie about your life. It does not matter if your friends are basically pretty or ugly, if they like their hair, makeup, jewelry and personal appearance to be what you like, or totally different. What matters is their personalities, and the fact the came to this social event to celebrate with you. You are way out of like to treat real people, friends and family, like actors or models, who only matter as props for your pictures. .... If someone is changing their looks on wedding day only in a way that does not work with the dressiness or formally of the occasion, say making a beehive of coolwhip in their hair, with sections of bicycle chains hanging from their earlobes, it is okay to say, this does not belong in a formal wedding with a satin gown. But when you are talking about someone's body, the face they present to the world each day, including hair, skin tint , tattoos, and facial hair and hairstyle, as well as scars, malformed limbs or less than perfect features, as long as the person is clean and well groomed, and dressed with a formality to match the occasion, it is extremely rude to ask them to change. You may not act as though friends and family are not acceptable as they are without a makeover. This is why a bride may offer services like pro hair and makeup, or gifts of personal jewelry, as a convenience, but never insist on it, or on any particular style other than what the individual wants for themselves. ...TV and movies set examples of outrageous, rude, and socially unacceptable behavior all the time. And the recent fad has been to indulge bride's every wish, and let her dictate many things that are totally out of bounds. Laugh or clap at such bad behavior on the screen. But do not ruin every personal relationship you have by trying to control other people's personal appearance. Choose a type of dress or suit, ceremonial clothes, no different than a graduation gown and hood or mortarboard. But leave all other matters of personal appearance to your friends, or you soon won't have any.