Hurt by my family, struggling to get over it

I'm so sorry this happened. I never understood why people think a wedding a month before theirs is taking away the attention of theirs. Your cousin sounds dramatic so it's probably best you weren't at hers and she won't be at yours.
About your grandpa, he can totally come. Just talk to the nursing home and social work. My friend had her grandma come. The facility wheel chair van dorpped her off and picked her up after dinner. Some one just has to be able to assist him/push his chair(if needed).

I'm very sorry about this. No one gets a wedding MONTH. That's not a thing. It's upsetting that everyone got on you about it. I feel that part about your grandfather. My grandfather recently passed from dementia. He started to decline and we were talking about doing a special ceremony because for me it was SO important for him to be there. However his decline happened so quickly he passed away earlier this month. Like PP said I'm sure you can work out with the nursing home or a transport service.

I’m very sorry you’re having to deal with this. Your cousin was unreasonable in objecting to your original date, and her behavior sounds awful.

Have you spoken to your minister/pastor/priest about how you’re feeling and your struggles to get over it? I’d expect them to be able to provide support and advice. They can likely also support on how to cope with your family’s response to your faith.

Wow, I'm going to be a jerk here, but I absolutely loathe your family just reading this. I am usually a fairer person when people come here to post about family drama, but this is a big exception.

I hate that you moved your date for this spoiled brat of a cousin. You upended your lives, and people are still being jerks about it?

I wish you had someone in your life who could stand up for you and tell that grandmother that your grandfather was able to attend before... but then her spoiled brat of a grandchild threw a b*#ch fit and now he's too unwell, and this was exactly why you wanted your date when you did.

No one gets a SEASON. No one gets a MONTH. They get ONE DAY.

Honestly, if it were me, I'd strongly consider eloping. Go to your grandfather's home, have a little minimony with the supportive people present (like your dad) ASAP, and tell everyone else to piss off. Keep the party and whoever shows, shows, but none of them get the privilege of actually watching you marry. The way they treated you makes it clear that they don't really care about your marriage, so they shouldn't have the honor of witnessing it, in my opinion.

Now that I've aired my vengeful side, since I'm sure that isn't a great solution for you (although it's really the one they all deserve), I agree with other posters that you should have an earnest conversation with the nursing home. Unless your grandfather is on a ventilator, they certainly should be able to help you find a way to get him to your wedding.

I'm sorry your family has treated you so badly. I wouldn't even bother trying to explain yourself - you did nothing wrong, and it won't change their minds. The best you can do is move on with your life and try not to let it bother you. Just know that your cousin's behavior was completely unreasonable, as was the rest of your family's, and limit their involvement in your life moving forward. The best revenge, especially against drama queens and narcissists, is "I don't care about you or what you think of me."

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We are out of state from his home, so my parents told me they didn't think it was possible, but I will check again. I have had so much anxiety about him being unable to come.

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I talked to a couple pastors about this issue and it came up during our pre-marital counseling. I have gotten great advice and lots of healing through prayer, but the hurt is still lingering. I want to be long-suffering, but it also makes me not want to be around my cousins. My church's pastor has also been very helpful in supporting my faith and I have a good faith community, but I like your suggestion to ask him about how to deal with my family's response and words.

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I really needed to hear your advice. I have this instinct to defend and explain myself, but you are right that they won't listen. It's sad because I do really care, but I know that I have to get myself to a place where I don't care and where I can separate myself from these people. I grew up so close to my family so it is really difficult, but I think I have seen their true colors and how they were all willing to throw me under the bus when my awful cousin threw a tantrum.

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Oh, my heart breaks for you. This does complicate things.

I'm just throwing this out there as a consideration, because it is so clear how this hurts you. How do you feel about a miniature symbolic ceremony at your grandfather's nursing home? If you think he will make it until the actual wedding, you could wait until after and just have a little, brief ceremony where he can be present. Nursing homes usually have a clergyman available. It doesn't have to be elaborate. Considering what he is suffering from, there would be no need to tell him that it isn't the legally binding ceremony (you don't have to make a big deal or lie, either, all he needs to know is it's a ceremony) - let him be present in the moment.

Symbolic ceremonies in the presence of loved ones who can't be present at the "real deal" are not uncommon. It may be unfeasible, or you may not like the idea, but I figured I would suggest it in case you hadn't considered it before.

I'm so sorry to hear about all this! Each couple gets ONE DAY. That's it. A wedding that is five WEEKS before or after another person's wedding wouldn't have any impact on the other wedding. Who cares if the two weddings are in the same season? Your cousin doesn't "own" the season. I'm so sorry that they made you feel like you were in the wrong, and that they bullied you into changing your date. You definitely were not wrong, and you were not obligated to change your date.


Personally, I would avoid giving them info about your wedding going forward. Pick whatever day that works best for you and your fiance, and plan the wedding that you and your fiance want. Don't change your plans based on what anyone else wants. As for your grandfather, I agree with the previous comments! See if you can work out a plan with the nursing home to have him in attendance. Hoping for the best for you!

I'm so sorry this happened to you. It sounds like you have been gracious and kind through this awful situation. Catholics believe that longanimity, or being long-suffering, is a gift of the Holy Spirit. It seems like you are being faced with a situation in which you were clearly right and your cousin was clearly wrong, but others don't know your side.


Keep doing what you're doing in not sinking to her level and trash-talking her. It hurts that other people dont know your side of the story, but God knows both sides and He is perfectly just and merciful. I'll be praying for you as you continue to work through this.

Also it's okay to tell people when their comments hurt you. You don't have to say anything mean, just say "Actually grandma, he would have been able to come had I kept my date, but I moved it to try to keep the peace. It hurts me that you brought this up and I would prefer not to talk about it again." Nothing mean, just facts.

You were the bigger person and these immature children canʻt see that so guess what? Sounds like weʻre getting married with our VIPs and everyone else can kick rocks