Hurt Feelings

If you’re accepting money from both sets of parents the parents need to be treated equally. Honestly, I think that none of the parents should have gone venue shopping with you. If it’s no strings attached then they shouldn’t have to be involved - especially with you aren’t on board with it and it’s causing problems with your parents. I think you need to chat with fiancé and get on the same page as far as what level of involvement is expected, knowing you will be keeping it the same for everyone. So to her point, does she want 4 additional opinions or just yours and hers? She’s contradicting herself and not compromising.

I would probably be hurt as well. It might not even have anything to do with their gift of money, but more about be treated equally throughout the process. Does her parents' gift come without strings attached as well? Otherwise, I'd be really curious why she wants her parents there, but doesn't value your parents' attendance equally. If she insists on including her parents in decision-making, I would either reconsider their "gift," or err on the side of giving your parents the option to decline (don't assume and make that decision for them - that's probably what she's hurt about).

Here's what I find when it comes to wedding planning, the bride has her family more included in the planning regardless of money because a wedding is seen as more of the brides day. By no means is that the right way to view a wedding, to me its about both the bride and groom. However that is how a lot of people view the day. And it also does not mean that it's ok to exclude the grooms family. But that is why I feel like they tend to get pushed to the side. I also think the fact that the bride doesn't seem to care about how her actions made your family feel, should definitely be something that you need to discuss with her. And I think if I was you I'd put my foot down with her. If you want your parents to be there as well then tell her it's either both parents or no parents. Set boundaries and stick with them. Don't be afraid to tell her the way it is You both need to make compromises. And if you are the only one making compromises she will get used to that dynamic and that will be how your marriage will be forever, once someone gets set in their ways it's very very difficult to get them out of those ways.

Your mom is right to be hurt, and if I were her, I'd also "passive aggressively" refuse to participate moving forward. You're the one who slighted her, and then tried to tack her on as an afterthought.

Your FW is being incredibly inconsiderate. She wants her mom present, and is fine tacking her dad on, but then "doesn't want a committee" when it comes to your parents? When both are contributing equally, as I understand? Why is that right or fair?

It should either be both sets of parents or neither, period.

She also needs to apologize for what was an obvious, intentional slight against your parents. Of course she's fine with how things are going - because she doesn't have to deal with your mom's hurt feelings. You do.

I absolutely loathe my in-laws. My husband's parents are absolute trash, and I want as little to do with them as possible. But I would never have done this to my MIL.

I think you should sit down and discuss boundaries moving forward: both parents or no parents, no in-between. The only exception is her dress shopping, which traditionally only includes the bride's mom. Anything that involves both of you, she does not get to invite along just her mom or just her parents.

Your parents have every right to be hurt.

Your FW needs to check her entitlement.