Hurt Mother of the Groom Not Hosting Rehearsal Dinner

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I am young, and I by no means think tablecloths and flowers are "stuffy" (I spent a small fortune on both of these at my own wedding) but you need to respect whatever it is that your son and his bride want for their rehearsal dinner. Decorations are lovely but they by no means indicate putting 'care into entertaining' guests - heck some people don't even have decorations at their wedding let alone pre-wedding events and that is absolutely a ok!

They want something more low key than what you had in mind and they are totally within their rights to, and that may be the reason they decided to host the dinner themselves but that doesn't mean they don't know or appreciate that you love them, it literally just means they have a different vision in mind and don't see eye to eye with what you wanted for the event.

If you want to throw a hissy fit and not attend this event because you can't stand to see them host the event without pretty white linens, that is your own prerogative but don't be surprised later on if this causes friction in your relationship with your son and his bride.

Please think long and hard before deciding to skip the rehearsal dinner, its the night before your son's wedding whether you host the event or not you should be there. Not going to this event could be something you regret and also could forever change your relationship with your son. It stinks that your feelings got hurt but I d stop worrying about the tablecloths and flowers and start focusing on what's important your relationship with your son and your soon to be daughter-in-law. Enjoy this special moment in your family.

Okay, this is going to sound like it comes out of left field but you may have some toxic traits that need to be worked on. I looked on your profile and you have another discussion that I remember about your son being mad at you because you had different versions of HIS wedding. In it, you talk about how his bride and he are doing things differently than you would. You focus a lot on her side being overly involved (which is just because of size) and that you don't think you will go at all. That is also all over your post and comments here.

Maybe your son and future daughter-in-law had a conversation about how when they don't do something your way, you threaten not to come and have decided as a couple they don't want you involved and would rather do things themselves so they can have the day THEY want. They might not care if you come now or not because you are threatening it so much. If I were your son I would think you don't like my future spouse and think very hard about going low to no contact.

Your son and future DIL are not the selfish ones in this scenario. Think about this carefully and maybe look into talking to a professional. Do you want your son in your life? Then you have to have a conversation and APOLOGIZE for constantly threatening not to attend their day. Say you were sad they didn't want you to host it but you understand your behavior made them not trust you. Ask how you can make the day easier and be okay if they just ask you to be a guest. Hopefully, your relationship with your son survives this wedding.

View Quoted Comment Wow, you're right, I remember this poster. It's as if she didn't get her way for the wedding, so now she's moved on to fussing about the rehearsal dinner. Also she didn't mention the sick husband in the first post, she's just using him as another obstacle trying to find excuses not to attend.


OP, you said you are older, so maybe you are unaware that rehearsal dinners these days are not the big deal they once were. They are often casual, not hosted by any specific party, and some people don't have a rehearsal dinner at all (me included). Are you worried it will reflect badly on you because it's not a fancy affair?

OP, I really hope you read this. I will try to be gentle here.


If I had to guess, it sounds like you would have planned the RD to be fancier than they wanted. You give examples of what WeddingWire says about RDs, and that's all well and good, but it's *not what your son and DIL want*. You are trying to convince them that your vision of the RD is the correct one, and they don't want that. If the wedding itself is casual, then all the more reason the RD should be, too. The RD cannot outshine the wedding. I would be mortified if that was me.
Your attitude toward the RD and it seems toward the wedding in general, if you keep doing this, might cost you your relationship with your son entirely. You are pushing too hard, and skipping the RD because you're not hosting comes across as extremely passive aggressive. You need to loosen the reins a little or this will not go well for you.

"Grace is the face that love wears when it meets imperfection."

Maybe they just didn't like the direction you were going and instead of saying that and hurting your feelings, they took over. Also, if you were planning to expense the rehearsal dinner to plan it, saying it's too expensive to attend now that you're not hosting seems a little selfish. It's your son and new daughter in laws wedding, they should be able to do literally whatever they want. Your hurt feelings are absolutely valid, but not going simply because they're not putting tablecloths and decorating the way you want seems petty to me. If my mother didn't show up to my rehearsal I would be angry, for a longgggg time.

If you were planning on hosting it, would it not cost more to have hosted than attending would cost? It's very natural to feel downtrodden and outcast in this situation, and that is totally valid, but weddings are the events a couple is supposed to be allowed to be selfish about. I'd advocate for taking the high road.