Husband changed baby talk after the wedding

So, him changing his timeline without communicating that with you is not fair and not okay. At the same time, you two both have to want this and be on the same page with timeline. Sounds like a serious conversation is needed. What’s going to change in 4 months? What specifically is making him want to delay? You have to get to the root of why to be able to move forward. If he can’t give you direct answers to those questions then it’s a problem. If he’s pushing it off with no reasonable explanation then a much more serious conversation would be needed.

I think you need to communicate , maybe the thought of becoming a dad is overwhelming to him I would take the first year and enjoy marriage and then try

I think sometimes it's way easier to say "ah, yeah in XYZ amount of months, I'll be ready".....kinda like how people always say "well, my schedule is hectic this week, but it should let up starting next week"....and then next week gets to be hectic too, because little things come up, and life happens! So I agree with PPs that I would recommend asking him "Ok, I'm definitely open to waiting a few months if that's what we both want. I'd like to understand what may change in the 4 months before signing up for it. Can you help me understand? I'm a little lost, because I'm excited to try for this new chapter with you." It could be something totally unexpected but still logical - maybe the benefits enrollment period is coming up, maybe he's always wanted a [insert season of the year here] baby, and if y'all got pregnant in exactly 4 or 5 months, it would match up, maybe he's feeling overwhelmed because the wedding was so recent, etc. I'm not sure, but I just wanted to say YES it's totally normal to feel a little "Umm what in the world, i thought we were on the same page....do you have cold feet?!?!" but he may have a totally reasonable explanation! I wish y'all lots of luck!

Communication is key with this, but have you changed how much you want it? Like were you a once or twice a week couple before marriage and now you want to every day? It’s fine if you do, but he might see that as you pushing to get pregnant when “just going with it” would have in his mind likely have been you guys just doing it with the same frequency as before without protection now. Maybe the abstract idea of a baby sounds great to him but knowing your in debt from the wedding and babies (pregnancy and birth included) are expensive might have him freaked out a bit.

So...it's perfectly normal to want to have sex more when trying to conceive. Also, being off the pill often ramps up the sex drive. We are biological beings and some drives are really strong.

It does not sound good that he's approaching it this way, that he jumps to an accusation to prompt the talk about not trying to conceive, rather than clearly stating he is having second thoughts. That should really be addressed.

And for something like having kids, I feel like both people should be 100% agreed or it's a no go. It's one thing in life that one partner should get a veto on, since it's such a big commitment.

Oh, and think about immediately going back on the pill and using a barrier method until the next cycle!

View Quoted Comment This. There's a big difference between just going with it, and actively TTC

You definitely need to have a conversation - like a sit down, heart-to-heart, unheated, sympathetic conversation.

Bringing another life into the world is a big deal. If anyone just "went with it" and didn't think about it long and hard, I would be concerned. Agreeing to stop using birth control and possibly having a baby soon soon is so much more abstract than actively trying for a baby; in a few weeks your entire lives could change.

I understand your frustration, but it sounds like you aren't 100% on the same page and the only way to get there is through communication. Babies are expensive, they are a lifelong commitment, and they come with a lot of hurdles and scary things, so its normal to be a bit apprehensive. If you are already in debt, having a baby is not going to alleviate that situation at all. You two need to talk.

My husband and I discussed having kids prior to marriage. We both wanted to try, but were not dead set on definitely needing to have a baby, nor did we feel it was super important to us to have a biological child if it wasn't in the cards for us. I was pretty adamant that I didn't want to go through extensive drugs or testing, and if we couldn't conceive naturally on our own then we would consider fostering, adopting, or being childless. My husband was entirely on board.

We stopped using birth control at the beginning of the year and originally we wanted to just go about our regular habits, without protection, and see what happened. We didn't change anything about the frequency of intercourse, but I did track my cycles and our activity pattern to see if they were naturally aligning or not. We have not yet conceived even though it seems like we should have, and since we are in our mid-late 30s already we are concerned that there may be some fertility issues. We are now at the point where I am regularly tracking my BBT, cervical mucus, and using OPK/LH testing, and we both have appointments with our doctors this month to discuss our fertility. Despite not wanting to make major changes to TTC, we have certainly shifted our habits to be more intentional about it, and it has felt exhausting at times. As you go through the process, attitudes sometimes change. Fantasy and reality don't always line up, and it can be really eye opening.

You need to chat with your husband, and not in the heat of the moment when conflict comes up. It needs to be an intentional conversation with space and time for both of you to reflect and be honest with one another. Even though you have been together a long time, you are still newly married; I think its natural for some people to want to take a break before diving into the next big thing, while others are eager to transition quickly. My husband and I had really intended to enjoy our marriage before TTC, have a nice honeymoon, etc and do a few "child free" activities, but with Covid we haven't gotten to do those things and we feel like we cannot keep putting off trying for a baby because we are out of time. It's not the journey we envisioned but its where we are.

I agree with the others that you both need to sit down and have a heart to heart.

There could be a few things at play here, he might feel under pressure by an increase in the regularly of your intimacy, he might have realised more recently that perhaps he isn't quite as ready for children now as he though he would be, he might feel like financially he's not prepared for children, etc.

Until you actually speak to him though, it is all speculative.

Have a conversation with him and clarify with him, is this what he wants right now? If not, he needs to explain the change of heart and agree to be more transparent with you so that you are both on the same timeline.