My husband and I have been married for eight years. My cousin is getting married this year, she is 3 years older than me.
I received an invitation in just my name and RSVP'd but never thought much of it at first. I decide to confirm he was invited, after realizing it wasn't specified. He wasn't.
I texted her but felt agitated by her response because 1. I was already annoyed it wasn't directly mentioned in the invitation or in a follow-up text that he wasn't invited. 2. She said I already told your dad he wasn't invited, when your dad texted saying he was excited for him and her to meet finally (my cousin moved to California after college and moved back recently). I had no idea this conversation had taken place at all. My dad and I live three hours a part, we don't casually chat often at all. I understand why she may have assumed my dad and I talked but I feel frustrated, she spoke to me expecting we had without asking. It felt a bit "telephony" to me.
She did say her venue only allowed 150 people. This made me feel more understanding, I was annoyed but I was like okay the venue is limited. But fast forward to a month ago...
My aunt had a dinner at her house and my cousin briefly stopped with two of her friends. It was on their way, to the bar they were going out to in the city.
I'm vaguely familiar with her two friends since they have known her since elementary school. They started talking about the wedding, bridesmaids stuff, and how they need to find dates for it and worried if inviting someone they hadn't met yet on a dating site, would be too risky. I found out that all 12 bridesmaids get a plus-one even though I think at least half of them are single. I also got the impression that her friends she invited may get plus-ones, too.
I now feel hurt because I feel she wants to appear fun/flexible to her friends and old college buddies but doesn't feel they same towards me because I'm related. I do get the sense she's approaching her venue limit(which must be stressful) but I'm thinking why are you letting your bridesmaids invite random people off of the internet and I can't bring my husband.
In addition when she dropped by she made a vague comment, that didn't sit well with me about my marriage. My husband and I got married very quickly and very young and there seemed to be a questioning of the seriousness of the marriage because of that fact, even though we have been married a while now and are 30/31. I don't have any social media and we didn't fight or anything when she stopped by(she has nothing to go off of), so it seems like she was grasping at straws, as a justification as to why he's not invited. When I hinted at this, she also brought up how I dated someone from age 16-20 and that was a long time but didn't work out. I responded by indicating how is that relationship even relevant to my life now, and that my ex is married too and they are doing well?
I believe she has reflected on what she said or told someone who may have given her advice because since then she has gone out of her way to be really nice to me even though we don't typically interact. I think she's embarrassed, I know about the bridesmaids plus-ones. Also, I didn't even bring up the subject at my aunts house but likely looked annoyed when her friends were talking. So I wonder now, if she thinks it would have been best to leave the topic alone. However, I feel off and awkward about what happened. I remember that getting married was super stressful and want to respect her but I don't want to justify away low-blow comments to myself, just because "it's her day."
