Husband works night shift and it's ruining our marriage!!!

When is his next day off? Can you send your daughter to a family members for the day/night and take the day off if you're working?

Plan some fun things - having lunch together, going for a walk, whatever you like. Then after that make sure you both know you will be talking about how to handle this.

This is very real and is affecting your marriage. You did make vows through better and worse, you know that. But it doesn't make the worse any easier. It may be time to have a no BS conversation about what needs to happen to make your relationship a priority. Maybe that means budgeting for a smaller income and changing jobs, maybe it means planning to have a vacation (does he get PTO) whether you stay home or go somewhere on a regularly and scheduled basis.

One thing that I know for sure if you have to try for yourself to stop assuming about what is happening his mind and heart. No matter how well you know him, you are assuming and that will fester in your mind and make issues worse than they are. It's HARD but you can do it if you reality check yourself. I am sure that neither of you is happy with the situation as it is now and would like to see it change. Work together to figure out what that means. It's not easy but it's never impossible. It may require some serious and significant compromises that don't seem like things you really want or will be very hard but could be worth it if they save your marriage.

This is what I’m going through now,mine is worse because I haven’t seen my husband for a year and half now,I’m in great pain

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Stacey, Hi. I am truly sorry that you're in such pain.

Are you up for sharing more about your situation?

Im really late, but do you have an update?

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May I ask, Why you haven't seen him? Is it work or a different situation?

View Quoted Comment Nicole I am sorry your relationship is going through these tough times. I myself am entering this challenge. My husband and I both work days but the weather is wiping his health out so he has been offered a job 6 day a week 7 pm to 8 am and min is 5 days a week 8 am to 6 pm. Most of the time we do not cross paths and he keeps the same schedule whether he works or not so we are up against challenges as well. I do agree strongly with AD2AP. We did take the vows and my husbands income run the household and him working nights is best for his health and he is naturally a night owl so I feel as if the rest is if I am the one having problems with the current situation I need to find something work wise that I can do and change my schedule to keep us alive as a couple. I promise I am not attacking you here but you mention the problem and no solution and it seems you are not flexible but his income is needed and what runs the household. It really sounds like your not flexible to make things work and may have already took steps back out of the relationship verses you altering your job and find a friend , family member, or someone at the school to help out with making sure your child is at school. Is part time an option for you? Since he is the main person financially what can you do for a job around his schedule that makes you and him work and fits your child’s life also? Be flexible yourself and you know if your relationship and lifestyles don’t succeed you tried everything possible for your relationship and child's life you possibly could. I hope where there is a will there is a way.

View Quoted Comment He started night shift immediately I took in for our second baby then he started this business that takes him away from home.He gets home then he dresses up and leaves,come back few minutes to work time to dress up and go to work..He makes more than enough money from his job and we are very very okay and this business is our joint business,our initial plan was to for me to manage the business but he changed the plan and doesn’t listen to me anymore and goes out and comes anytime.we haven’t slept on the same bed since he started night shift and it’s been one year and eight months now.we lost all communications,I could count how many times we’ve been intimate,we quarrel all the time now ,he doesn’t see anything wrong and I invited my father Inlaw and he’s coming tomorrow then I’m gonna give him options or divorce because I can’t take it no more

Hi Nicole.
I jut read your story and I absolutely feel for you and understand 100%. My soon to be husband just got a wonderful job offer working third shift plus hours. At the same time I’m very happy for him and knows that he deserves this. But I’m also afraid about this too. So my reply to you is stay strong keeping fighting and know at the end of the day good always out way the bad..

I know this is an old post. I hope things are better now. I moved almost 1000 miles across the country for our family to have a better opportunity. Job opportunity for him. It seemed like a win win because he has family is here. I definitely undere

View Quoted Comment It's hard to communicate when they are sleepwalking or sleeping. Spending the three days he has off catching trying to catch up so he can hopefully feel normal enough to get out the house with us. On the last day he has off. It feels you are taking this too personally. She's just looking for some emotional support because I promise she's not getting it from her husband right now.

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I don't know why you are on this old post but i'll bite...

My views on this subject have not changed since i posted this. My husband has now taken a job that requires him to be away for long periods at a time, so it's different then OP's situation but not completely. It's hard, it's really really really hard, but you know what when i made those vows two years ago it said through the good and the bad. - Now that I go back and re-read the post and the comments one thing I do notice is it's a lot of focusing on the negative from OP. - Hopefully this did work out for them.... I would love to know.

I think you just need to get the spark back in your relationship. Be intentional about spending quality time together. Plan and go on dates! Be romantic. There are plenty of couples where the two people work opposite schedules. You've just fallen into a pattern that doesn't revolve around intimacy or shared time and it's difficult to feel close when that happens.

So it's 2021, How did this ever pan out?

So it's 2021, How did this ever pan out?

My husband and I both worked nights. I stopped that job a year later, and he continued to work nights. He works for the state where there’s a lot of mandatory OT so most times worked 10p until 12/2p the next day. After about two months, I told him that it was not good for our marriage. It made no sense to be married to someone I saw two days a week and didn’t even sleep with. I urged him to look for a dayshift if he cared about our future. It took time, but he was able to get transferred to evenings, same extensive amount of hours, but at least we can sleep together and be somewhat normal. (14 years together: dated 6 years, married for 8. We don’t have kids and recently became Christians. The latter has helped our marriage a great deal.)

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It is good to hear that he got a better shift. Sometimes people get focused too narrowly on making a living to even do a mild change -- even for a minor change in income for the sake of marriage.