i am wanting have my matron of honor step down

I 100% agree with all of this. I was basically going to say this same exact thing. From the examples mentioned she has very valid reasons, none of which call for her being demoted.

I'm sorry, but the first poster nailed it. A bridesmaid/maid of honor has already taken a good chunk out of their time to spend on you throughout the process and for the wedding, so these things are just making her life more difficult and that's not really fair to ask of. She's provided you with some solutions, and while you may not like them, they are valid solutions and that's what will work for her. I have a BM who probably won't be spending any time with me while we get ready because both she and her husband are in our wedding and they have a 3 year old. We didn't allow children at the wedding, so they had to come up with a solution for childcare that day/night, so she is getting her hair and makeup done on her own and then meeting us either at my mom's where we are leaving from or at the venue. It's just easier on her and I have no issues with it at all. You have to remember that others have lives outside of your wedding and you need to be mindful of their lives and schedules when planning things because not everyone will be able to make what you want to do work.

Literally none of this is a valid reason to make her step down.

Why is letting her do her own makeup a problem? Why is letting her do her own hair a problem?

She has a kid. I can understand why she doesn't want to have a slumber party with you the night before. She wants to be with her family. You have her the entire wedding day - let her be with her child the night before.

You need to step back and acknowledge this person is not here for you to control her appearance or where she spends her time on any day other than your wedding.

I am seconding (more like sixthing) the fact that none of these are reasons to risk hurting a valued friendship. Take a step back, breathe, look at the bigger picture, and lose ALL of your expectations about what she should be doing for your wedding. Appreciate the friendship and look forward to getting married.

Will you feel better if I tell you my maid of honor is going to be makeup-free (same reason), and probably have nothing done to her hair?

To be honest, all eyes will be on you. Not your matron of honor. She can look like her normal self, and most guests will not feel like she is out of place.

You are the center of attention, not the wedding party. Trust me, your guests won't even think about why she is not covered in makeup and have different hair.

....you want to kick your friend of 10 years out of your wedding over hair and make up?

I have to agree with everyone else. Sometimes, we get so caught up in our plans that we forget to take a breath. If you have kept a good friend for 10 years, I am sure you are a good person just getting swept up in the wedding whirl. I am sure she will look fine without the professional hair and makeup. The back and forth (especially with the makeup) may have made you upset. But, she may have been upset as well. You are friends, be friends.

Another thing to consider, I went to a wedding a couple of weeks ago in which not a single person in the bridal party looked like themselves. Each one was so fake looking. Caked on makeup (for pictures) and unattractive hair. Both done by professionals. We worry so much about the pictures, that sometimes people honestly look bad in person.

Is it possible that she doesn’t want to be in the wedding? She is making life pretty challenging for you and not being flexible. If this is her normal personality, then so be it. I don’t think you should destroy a friendship over hair and make up, but maybe ask her if she would rather just attend as a guest. You have a lot going on and sometimes it is better to just take a few steps back. Good lick to you!