i Don't Know What To Do...

Your wedding is over a year away. I would check in with your friend and see what’s going on in her life. Be a friend first and a bride second.

View Quoted Comment I've tried doing that and she's completely ignored me. I've reached out quite a few times now, which is why I'm getting upset.

If it were me, I would assume she is no longer interested.

I would send her another message and ask if she's upset about something. Maybe also say something like asking if she's still interested in being in the wedding.

I don’t think you’re overreacting. My best friend of 20 years did this to me. All of my other bridesmaids went to select their dresses, she didn’t show up, she told me she overslept. So i let it go, later i kept asking her if she went, long story short she never did. So she’s no longer in the wedding. I think peoples actions speak louder than words. I would simply move on and not contact her anymore. If she wants to be apart she’ll come around.

My fh cousin did this to him. Turns out he was just super busy and would glance at it and forget to respond or not look at all. Even though he was active on social media. Once that time passed he apologized and responded. I dont Think it’s right to kick someone out this early. I would wait and give her time. If closer to the wedding she still hasn’t responded at all or talked to you at all cross that bride then.

I meant bridge* also by time I mean around December.

There is nothing g your bridesmaids need to do over a year in advance. Most bridesmaid sign on expecting to do things only in the last 6 months. I am not saying people can't see each other earlier. Just that those with busy lives may have their usual periods when they rarely see friends for a month or two at a time. Don't read anything into it . Since bridesmaid dresses need not be ordered until the last 4 months, because they come in in 2-8 weeks,. And only bridesmaids who volunteer to work on showers have any planning to do before the parties happen in the last 4 months, there really is a long time from now before any bridesmaid need do anything but ordinary friendship. Most people I know with kids do not have time to touch base with 5 or 6 friends even once every single month. Getting ready for a new school year, with extra Dr. visits, clothes and school supply shopping, and getting kids to see their friends and start new school year activities can take an extra 10 to 15 hours in a six week period. Busy tending kids activities and school, any friendship with nothing special going on ( like the actual wedding) takes a back seat to housekeeping and kid things. 9 months from now, with the wedding approaching, is a different story. But it is not a job. 3-5 months at a time, there is no reason a BM need do anything so early, if she is busy with school, work or kids. Many wedding parties, the bridesmaids may get together once or not at all before 4-5 month out dress things. And some get the dress on their own and see others only at shower or bach party time, if they are not party planners. Please, don't discard a friend for not doing anything wedding 7 months before there is anything that needs doing . This is regular friendship time . Relax your expectations. Most people do not maintain contact every single month with every friendship they have. Their kids' friends, school, and activities usually take too much time in August and September and October.

Yes, you're overreacting. There is nothing that you need to do. The cookout was 3 weeks ago. Are you seriously contemplating kicking your friend out of your wedding because you haven't talked to her in 3 weeks, over a year before your wedding date? For all you know she's just very busy right now, for example dealing with her special needs child. How often other friends contact you is completely irrelevant. If she wants to come to your dress appointment in a month, she'll let you know.

My FW are both notoriously awful at texting people back (thankfully our friends are either understanding or have a similar communication style). I think my FW has 102 unread texts or something? Try calling her if you haven't already! Otherwise, just give her a month or so until life calms down and reach back out to do something non-wedding related (coffee, dinner, ect).

You are over a year out so she has time. While your wedding may be the most important thing happening to you right now, just remember that your friend might be looking at your texts and thinking it is less urgent than whatever else is going on. Hopefully you guys can touch base, and nothing else is amiss!

View Quoted Comment I get that, but I've mentioned when I'm going to be shopping for my gown twice now with no response. She's been extremely active on social media, she's been hanging out with one of her other friends and posting about it. It takes less than a minute to reply to a text saying, "OK, see you then," and leave it at that. I'm not expecting a constant stream of communication, just at least respond once so I know.

That’s odd... maybe send her a message just saying hope everything is okay, please get back to me soon in reguards to the wedding, if something has come up and you can’t be in it DONT worry I totally understand etc etc— something along those lines so that way maybe she won’t feel awkward if she is trying to ge tour of it for whatever reason 🤷🏼‍♀️🤷🏼‍♀️

View Quoted Comment Oh I just read everything else lol sorry - that’s really odd and annoying - stress you don’t need to be dealing with 🤷🏼‍♀️🤷🏼‍♀️🤷🏼‍♀️

As many have said..your wedding is very far away. She might not have it very high on her priority list. Time and time again on here you'll read that no one cares about your wedding as much as you.

Maybe she doesn't want to shop for your gown with you and doesn't know how to tell you that. I wouldn't particularly want to go dress shopping with any of my friends for their gowns and I didn't want them there when I looked for mine.

Give her some time. I can go months without talking to some friends. It doesn't mean I like them less. I'm introverted and that's just how I am. If she's not into stuff that you actually need her for closer to the wedding..then have a heart to heart with her. Until then..relax.

I think you might be overreacting. Take a step back and give it some time.

View Quoted Comment This is my thought . So bride mentioned she was shopping for her gowns. If it were me, if I wanted to shop with the bride, I would speak up. But if I really didn't, I would say nothing, and let others volunteer to do it. Unless directly confronted, I would not say, heck no, why would I want to go shopping for your gown? Why be confrontational and negative. Assume , those who want to do something will speak up. Those who do not, fine. Don't expect people to contact bride to say, I did not mention volunteering to give a shower, because I don't want to do it. I did not mention planning the bach, because I am not interested in hosting or planning . A dozen things, people who are interested will respond. Let the rest go. Don't expect them to jump in just to tell you how they do not want to do it. A lot of times, people who are in a wedding party who do not know your other WP, have no interest in making friends. They are there for you, not to join a club for 15 months. If they meet twice at parties, at the rehearsal or dinner, and at the wedding, that is enough. But they don't want to stand up and shout, Not me, not me, I am not interested . . . every time you bring up cookouts, group shopping, having a spa day, or going for a mani-pedi together. They do not respond to what does not interest them, but clearly let you know when they have a positive response. Many a time I get lots more texts and emails and phone messages than I can reasonably deal with, and still live life. When so done says, Jane and I are going shopping and to a movie Friday. Let us know if you want to go . . . I let them know if I want to go. Otherwise, blip, gone. If I get, we are shopping for the cookout I mentioned having on mother's day. Please let us know if you and family are coming, and how many. If you are not , text me back and I will not expect you. . . . Then I text back, other plans, not this time. No explanations, no saying, heck no, I don't want to hang out with your other friends, or I don't like your hubby and he burns the food he cooks. Nothing negative is needed. Just no response if it is open ended, or a polite sorry, cannot come if specifically asked, answer yes or no. I may still write or post on other matters to other people from a waiting room, while sitting in my car outside school, a dozen odd moments that others will mention, or you may see on social media. Without taking time to answer all 8 voicemail messages, 20 emails, 2 letters and 18 texts from other people that I received over the weekend. It does not mean I want to drop somebody from my friendship list, or am not interested in their wedding in 6 or 11 or 15 months. Just, this sister contacted me 8 times in a month over her baby's Christening, that coworker 8 times about a dinner she is having, neighbor may or may not need mail and pet rabbit tended while away !!!! Yikes. So, selective answering, even though I find time to post. Like now. 2 kids in one bathtub, and 2 in next room playing with 4 friends. Not time to return phone calls or conversations. But WW, I pick up and put down.🙂

She told me in the past she wanted to come dress shopping with me and to keep her posted. I told her when I'm thinking about going and there's been no response. I wouldn't care as much if it wasn't for the fact she told me she wanted to be there. We used to work overlapping shifts but I transferred to a different part of the store and now I don't see her because our schedules are different. I had to do it for work life balance so I could see my fiance more. I don't know if she's upset with me for transferring but it had to be done.

If she cant even reply to a text than she is not worth being part of your wedding party

View Quoted Comment Yes, this!

Update: I decided to wait it out and give her some time, and I'm glad I did because she got back in touch with me this week.