i don't want a bridal shower...

Nope. If you have a shower you cannot dictate to people what they can gift you .

Showers are for physical gifts. If you don't want physical gifts, don't have a shower.

I wouldn't have a honeyfund either. The funds charge fees, don't book the excursions/meals advertised and may not give you access to the funds before you leave for your honeymoon. Just don't register and most people will give you cash/checks at the wedding. Use those to pay for the honeymoon.

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Then what is a registry even for? If people were to shop off of a traditional registry, there would be no question about "what people gift me." My point is that I DON'T want a shower, I'm only doing it to make my family happy. My question was how do I do that. My wedding is extremely non-traditional.

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That's what I've been trying to express to the family-- it's not really possible to have a physical shower for what we want, if people want to give. Like I said, I don't like to receive or be showered in any type of way with gifts, so this all makes me super uncomfortable. I hate being given money, that's why we thought if people feel like they are paying for something using Honeyfund, it would be better. But I will DEFINITELY look into those fees. Thank you!!

I would think outside the normal shower. You could have a recipe shower. The guests bring a recipe and the majority of the ingredients to make the recipe. You could have personal shower and receive lingerie, special soaps and lotions. The lingerie doesn't have to be sexy lingerie. I'm sure there are many more nontraditional shower themes that might fit.

If you really don't want a shower, but you want to accommodate the families desire for a get together, think about a bridal luncheon or brunch. Everyone comes, mingles, eats, but there are no presents. Everyone just has a good time. You could do the same thing at cocktail hour for a couples event.

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Those are really fantastic ideas. Thank you SO much!!

The only right thing to do is decline their offer if a shower. And repeat. Until they get it, no shower if you do not want any physical gifts . People wanting to give you a gift and seeing no registry, will sometimes select a gift, but more often ask you or moms, so what do you suggest? Once they request the information, it is proper to say, FI and I, or moms say, B and G, have really been saving for the honeymoon. Traveling, especially with a baby, is so expensive, and after wedding expenses , they would likely be pleased with help for the honeymoon. But never write it in any invitation, ir shower invitation, or your website, please do not give gifts, we prefer donations to our honeymoon. That is considered impolite. Wait until asked. And some people will ask where you plan to go, and give you a tour book for the country. And some will say, do you need a luggage carrier for all the baby's little bags? And many will send you a check, or a credit to buy American Express Travelers Checks. But they will feel in control of the gift, and thus it is a polite way if achieving the same result. Besides, why give 5-7% to people running a honeymoon fund? If family insist on a party, and you don't want to fight, say that an afternoon tea / light supper / wine and cheese and social chat would be fine, but make it absolutely clear to every guest, it is not a shower. No shower invitations. No shower games. Just a social hour. Or no party at all.

Either have a themed shower, or have a brunch, luncheon or afternoon tea instead- all non-gift giving events.

You could have the above mentioned recipe shower (guests bring their favorite recipe and the staples to make it), a stock the bar (for your home, not the wedding) or favorite wine shower; a time of day shower ( guests are assigned a time of day and bring something appropriate, many people are very creative); a date night shower etc

Don't have a shower and don't do a honeyfund. Your guests don't need to pay a fee to donate money to your family vacation. Don't register and your guests will get the hint and gift cash.

This is an easy solution,

Have a small registry. I live with my fiancé too, but there is always something you need. A nice wine cork, air fryer, hand towels.

That way when you get gifts, you have something you need/want. Having a smaller one will encourage people to give cash.

I agree with others, you can’t dictate what people give you as gifts. (Most people for weddings give cash anyways)

but if don’t have a registry and have a shower (or even for your wedding) people will give physically gifts, you’ll end up getting gifts you don’t want.

View Quoted Comment Thats what were doing. Ive lived with my fiance for almost 4 years now. We still need a few little things so did an amazon registry and the rest we did gift cards and zola.com account for 'adventure fund' etc. And anyone saying they take fees, they are not that much at all considering its less than people would pay in taxes and shipping for physical items for your convenience so its fine. As far as the shower goes, its not just about getting gifts, thats a pretty shallow idea about showers! Its about celebrating you finding a husband! I threw a couples shower that was more about fun and games (and booze lol) than gifts by far, especially if you put for the registery on invite clearly ie- gift cards only, cash registry, zola.com, etc.

Simply decline any showers that are offered. Don't register if you don't want to and don't have a honeyfund. People know that monetary gifts are appreciated, they don't have to be told. Then use any money towards a honeymoon.

My fiance and I have lived together for two-and-a-half years. For my bridal shower I did a little registry on Kohl's. And on my bridal shower invites my maid of honor put down gift cards to Home Depot. That way we can do some yard work.

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I'm glad someone else gets it! I'm not asking for money "to donate to our family vacation" and I'm not sure where anyone got that from my question in the first place. We only decided to make the honeyfund because so many people were asking what to buy us. If our wish is go on a vacation, and you feel like you need to give us something, save the KitchenAid mixer and pay for a zipline tour or something? I just really don't see what the difference is. I feel like showers are super outdated and part of the reason why I didn't want to have a wedding anyway is because of the comments above. I'm not having a wedding FOR anyone else. We're having a wedding to celebrate me and my future husband. I don't care if you bring a gift, that's not why we're having it. Is my way of thinking wrong?!

View Quoted Comment No girl, youre not! Weddings have become traditional messes of obligation and fuss and frankly many of the women on this site saying such horrible, negative things on here live shallow lives with nothing to look forward to afterwards til they have baby showers to overthink. Look, at the end of the day do whatever you want! Like I said, forgoing a shower is up to you, but if you do, make it fun and dont worry about having it be fussy! A couples bbq or a small gathering with the girls is perfectly fine, its not about gifts! there are plenty of companys that do experience gifting, which for us was easier than couples giving cash, cuz in reality that money is just going to go to bills and food most likely. Giving it on the site forces us to use it for what we registered it for! I explained this to my family and friends and they thought it was 100 times for fun than giving pots and pans and cash! I also am planning on sending thank you photos of us doing the things to them!