i don’t want to be a “no” bride but i have my own vision

I’m also a planner. I have basically planned everything myself (my FH thinks he helped but really I just made sure he agreed 😂). Instead of having people “help” me I tried to include them while I was still making my decision and would tell them my thoughts. That way they could share their opinion and then I did what I wanted. I am lucky that once I describe what I want usually they just agree with me anyway so it’s not like they actually help.


Also, when it comes to smaller details I’ll ask for actual opinions. Most people won’t remember a lot from the day anyway.

You sound exactly like me!!! We are cut from the same cloth, girlie! I LOVE to plan and keep my old yearly planners as keepsakes because my whole life is in them! My wedding is still 10 months away but I have almost everything planned already, it is just a matter of booking vendors and getting supplies. My sisters and mom call me weekly to hear wedding updates, but so far I don't think I have used a single one of their ideas. They pinned stuff to my pinterest board and the only reason I haven't deleted it all yet is because I don't want to hurt their feelings. My mom would make my wedding WAYYYY more extravagant than I would plan for myself, my MoH would make it way more boho, and my little sister would make it way too country!

I am trying to set aside some decisions for the people who want input and want to help. For my BMs, I am letting them pick their dresses, hair and makeup styling, shoes, etc. It doesn't matter to me if we all look the same or not, so I am handing them the reigns. My mom has been dying to buy personalized wedding favors for us and pay someone to decorate. I was gonna nix the favors and DIY my decor, but since she is so insistent, when it comes time to order favors and I have worked with the decorator to create my vision, I will let my mom pick out the favors and pay for a decorator if she still wants to. It seems like a waste of money to me, but it would mean so much to my mom to get to do those things.

Listen to the people around you to get a feel for what they are interested in. If you can find any flexibility in your plans, let them make smaller decisions that aren't so important to you. Or just hear them out and explore the ideas with them, even if it isn't what you want, it mighy inspire other cool ideas. Plus imagining and planning together can be a fun way to spend some time together, although talking about weddings all the time can get exhausting!

I’m doing the majority of the planning. My fiancé is a firefighter/medic & the captain of his crew so he’s extremely busy both on & off shift which means he can’t really be hands on with the planning. What I’ve been doing is gathering our options & we decide together what we want- we definitely don’t include our family/friends in these decisions. I took my stepmom & FMIL to Hobby Lobby to help me get flowers to make arrangements for my bridesmaids. That’s the extent of outside help.

I’m the same way...! I planned 100% of my magical wedding and it turned out exactly how I wanted it to. I did not want any input from anyone and I made it known. Voice your concerns so you can have your dream wedding!!

Here too 👋🏻. My dh doesn’t plan anything, not booking anything, not buying anything until I get livid. If I let him do everything, he will book the venue and photographer a month ahead, and I can bet he won’t see the need on wedding attire, mua, any flower, and cake. He just wayyyy too simple and wayyy too easygoing I am frustrated. Our 2 adult kids and one 10 yo will be our bridal party, and they doesn’t want to decide on anything. They said “I will wear whatever”. I feel lost. I am so sad. I feel like I am the only one wanting this wedding. I need at least my dh to show effort, you know. He doesn’t need to decide.... Just show me pictures or ask me how the plan is doing.... Nothing. He never asked anything since we postpone last July. All he does is wfh, watch movies by himself, eat, sleep together. Sometimes I feel like canceling everything 🥺😩😤

I'm doing it all myself too. My MOH hasn't helped one bit and doesn't even know wedding details really. FH has been involved in every decision (after I narrowed down the hundreds of choices to about five for him to pick from). The people who I thought would have an issue with not helping I gave specific tasks to that I didn't really care about. For example, my mother in law wants to host the rehearsal dinner at her house. So she has complete control over planning that. She's also in charge of appetizers for the wedding and she's making a sign. My mom is making seat covers (outdoor wedding in midwest in November on metal benches so we need something to put on the benches or they'll be too cold) and she's decorating the gazebo. Complete creative control (she did ask for my general approval of her idea). But neither of them got any opinions about wedding colors, centerpieces, flowers, venue, etc etc. And they're fine with it because they have their own jobs to focus on. So that's what I suggest if people give you issues, just ask if they'd like to help with something and if they don't want to actually help then they don't get an opinion 😂

This is me lol. I've even offended some people because I'm the Queen of "No". I've found that assigning some things for others to do helps a bit. I always have my MOH on standby as my opinion person and I made her main job to be my assistant to finalize plans. Outside of that, I don't have anyone making suggestions on things I've picked out or planned because again, Queen of No lol & they understand that I have my own vision for the day. Shoot, people that really know you won't want to take away your planning because they understand its fun for you. Hopefully, you don't have to be too forceful to get them to back off a little.

Same! I was a wedding coordinator for years in my area, so I knew right from the start what vendors I would want to use and some ideas for how I wanted things to go. But I make sure to involve my FH in a lot of decisions because it is his day too.

I actually took him with me wedding dress shopping for the first time I went to get an idea of what I liked and what he liked, so I know what kind of styles to look for when I'm officially looking.

I think if there are little decision you can concede on, layouts of your tables, flavor of cake, specific flowers, things like that it helps give an air of decisions.

My family knows I've got it well under control, and my mom actually laughed when she found out we were engaged because she was like 'Cool. Planning's already done' compared to when my sister got married and she basically planned everything.

Well first of all, you should not be trying control your FLOWER GIRLS HAIRSTYLES. That is beyond ridiculous. Other than that, plan the wedding you want and share details as people ask about them if you want to. You could always go with the classic "oh thanks, I hadn't thought of that" or "oh, that might be pretty" if people give you suggestions you don't want.

You include your loved ones by inviting them to a wedding! But joking aside, this sounds frustrating. I am a similar planner, DIY type while simultaneously hesitant to ask for help so as to not impose. I think realizing that people want to help and to let them (in some capacity) is good. If you have everything planned already, don't ask for help planning, but ask for help doing/executing. Some examples: I'm not having a bridal party or a traditional ceremony (nobody walking down the aisle but us), so I'm trying to find ways for people to be included elsewhere. I am enlisting my sisters to come pick flowers with me at a local farm the afternoon before the wedding. I'm asking my close friend to do my makeup because she loves makeup. My dad is very handy so if he wants to help, I'll ask him to make cornhole boards for outdoor game time / cocktail hour. Integrate people's hobbies and interests and put them to work, if they're so desperate to help! At the end of the day though, you can always say "don't worry about centerpieces, I have it all figured out! Just enjoy yourself and get ready for an e p i c party!"