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i don’t want to be in my best friends wedding

May, on February 9, 2021 at 5:22 AM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 16
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My best friend gets married in a few months. I’m her matron of honor, but right now I don’t want to be apart of her wedding. I also, don’t want to lose her friendship. She had to move her wedding because of Covid, but last year we had these problems too. See she’s really like my sister. We’ve been best friends for 5 years and we’ve always been inseparable. Her fiancé asked me on proposal advice, ring advice, I was even there to film it when he proposed. Fast forward and wedding preparations began. She asked her actual sister to be maid honor, which is fine they had talked about it their whole life, and when I have a wedding my sister will be my maid of honor. But quickly I realized her sister wanted the title without doing any work. She wanted all these expensive things but didn’t want to pay for them and it quickly became incredibly stressful for my friend. She’s the type of person to sacrifice her own happiness for others though, so she never speaks up for herself. Quickly drama between her family happened and all of it has been pointed at me. They’re mad that I offer cheaper solutions for shoes and jewelry even though they can’t afford it anyways. It’s just to the point where I’ve became the punching bag and I don’t even think I want to be in the wedding anymore. I just don’t know what to do.

16 Comments

Latest activity by Kimberly, on February 10, 2021 at 3:28 PM
  • Jessica
    Devoted February 2021
    Jessica ·
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    If most of this just happened recently I would give it a couple weeks and let things calm down and see how you feel then. If she is your best friend almost like your sister I think that you would be very disappointed later on if you didn’t participate as much as you can.
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  • Cyndy
    Master May 2019
    Cyndy ·
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    Personally I think you should stick it out for the last few months. If the two of you are so close you can’t worry about the family drama and just need to be there for her on her wedding day.
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  • D
    June 2021
    Dj Tanner ·
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    I know you’re feeling hurt right now but think about it. Just give it a few weeks. This is your best friend and basically your sister. Your friend would be CRUSHED. I know its hard but try to just put up with the nonsense for the sake of your friends big day. You seem like a great friend who cares about her a lot. Weddings have a tendency to sometimes hurt relationships because of the stress it may put on everyone. This is the exact reason why I’m only having my bms and MOH just show up with the dress of their choice and walk down the aisle. Everything has been done and planned by me my fiancé and our event team. I just cant see ruining a great friendship over the persons wild family.
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  • Katie
    VIP August 2021
    Katie ·
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    You don't want to lose your friendship with her so I suggest sitting down with her and talking to her about how you are feeling because of her family. Tell her you feel like her family's personal punching bag. If I was you I'd express my feelings to her and see where it goes from there. If she doesn't care and dismisses your feelings then I'd say it's time to think about cutting your losses with her and back out the wedding.
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  • Katie
    VIP August 2021
    Katie ·
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    Yes this is true but you should never allow anyone to use you as their personal punching bag regardless of your relationship or them planning a wedding. A lot of people think they need to just deal with this kind of behavior for the bride. But it's not far to the person who is getting mistreated to push their feelings down and suck it up. The bride needs to know what's up so she can fix this. Nobody should be anyones personal punching bag no matter what.
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  • Mrs. Spring
    Master April 2021
    Mrs. Spring ·
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    Don't make any quick decisions. Sleep on it.
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  • Expert September 2021
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    I say absolutely do not quit your friends wedding on whim, just yet. If you're close enough to be her MOH, you should be able to voice the issues without totally crushing her right before the wedding.It doesn't really sound like she is the main issue, it sounds like other girls are the issue - don't ruin her wedding without speaking with her and seeing what can be done! I'm all for not being a punching bag during wedding season, I think theres a line between "support" and being walked all over, and never allow someone to walk all over you, bride or not, but I think you need to make sure your exhausted all options before quitting on her, in my opinion!

    Maybe even have a discussion with the other MOH and see what you can get figured out with her, since she seems to be the biggest point of problem!

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  • A
    Expert September 2022
    Allie ·
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    I agree with Katie on this one. Sending lots of luck and good wishes!

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  • L
    Lisa ·
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    I personally do not think you should continue to be a punching bag. That’s wrong and no one, NO ONE has a right to treat you this way.
    Bride or not, she needs to know how her actions are affecting you. Nobody’s wedding takes precedence over decent treatment of another person.
    Best wishes.
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  • Katie
    VIP August 2021
    Katie ·
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    Also another thing to mention is that you said her family is the one treating you like a punching bag. So just watch to see if she stands up for you to them. Just remember one thing she can't control what others do but she can try her best to eliminate it.


    I had a bridesmaid in my wedding that was constantly treating my other bridesmaids like crap. My bridesmaids came up to me and let me know what was going on. I sat down one on one with the bridesmaids that was causing trouble and told her she needed to stop acting this way cause she is causing unnecessary stress on me and how shouldn't be treating my other friends like that. I told her if she couldn't be nice and corgal that I would have to remove her as a bridesmaid. 3 months later the ladies complained again about her and so I removed her from my wedding party. I love all my bridesmaids even the one I had to remove, but I will not tolerate my bridesmaids being put through hell and added stress on me.
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  • T
    Super April 2021
    Tiger Bride ·
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    Is your friend or her family treating you like a punching bag? I would not end a friendship over how the family treated me assuming my friend apologized for how the family treated me. Some people have difficult family dynamics and others have a hard time standing up for themselves. Sounds like there is a lot going on here.

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  • Michelle
    Rockstar December 2022
    Michelle ·
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    No one deserves to be bullied for any reason. Sit down with her and share your feelings. Weddings show people's true colors because of the stress involved. If she is your best friend she will take your feelings into account and is likely very aware of her family's behavior but feels she can't do anything about it.
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  • C
    Super December 2021
    Casey ·
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    Everything Katie said is spot on!! Don't just "push through" or wait, but do talk to your friend about what's going on and go off that.
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  • J
    Master 0000
    Judith ·
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    Don't be their person to pick on. Talk to the bride. Point out that you have been willing to be helpful.
    But you agreed to be bridesmaid for her, and not be stuck between her and her family bridesmaids. That if they cannot be polite and respectful, you will be there on wedding day, but the bride can settle issues and give you the information you need to appear groomed and dressed on wedding day. You won't put yourself in a position to be pecked on .
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  • Allie
    VIP November 2021
    Allie ·
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    I had issues when I was the MOH in my best friend's wedding as well. The other bridesmaids didn't want to do ANYTHING to help, they were extremely cheap, they never paid me for anything that they said they'd pay for...and I found out one of them talked about me behind my back because I wasn't fronting money for an extravagant bachelorette party when they wouldn't pay up. So I sat my best friend down and told her what was going on. She addressed with each of her bridesmaids and while it got a little better, it wasn't 100%. But I still did it because it was my best friend. If you were a little farther out, I would say you could probably talk about dropping out, but you don't have much longer to go. Can you stay away from getting sucked in so much? If so, I would suggest just keeping some distance until it's over.

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  • K
    Kimberly ·
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    Do not quit. Try to put her feelings first before yours since you say she always does the same for others. This can honestly damage your friendship.
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