I don't want to do it anymore

You know, Amy, I just did that today. I kinda' had a meltdown last night and told him exactly how I felt. We talked and I felt somewhat better. Then today I made a "honey-do list". I included tuxedos, groomsmen gifts, hotel reservations or blocks of rooms for guests, transportation the day of the wedding, and the entire honeymoon. I also added, "this list is subject to change at my discretion". LOL! I have really taken a much more light-hearted approach to it all. Last night he said, "I want what you want and what will make you happy". I explained to him that I already have what I want. That really hithome to me and realized that as long ad I have him and his love, I don't really care what color flowers are sitting in the middle if the tables. Or even if there are any flowers!!! Who cares?!? Don't sweat the small stuff...and it's all small stuff!!!

By the way, thank you all for your support and input. You all know how stressful this can be and know that sometimes you just need to vent and blow off some steam. Thanks again, and best of luck to all in your planning process!!!! <3

I LOVE lauren10's answer!

I just asked my fiance who is snoring like a bear next to me if he would marry me in a junkyard if that is what I wanted. When I asked if it was because it's me....he said yes! Ha. I feel your pain but I am very independent and I knew early on he could give a rats A** about the planning. Its not an excuse but most men are like that. Do tell him how you feel and if he doesn't change.....deal with it the best you can and try to remember that you are getting married for reasons that far transcend wedding planning....good luck!

I have been going thru the same thing with my wedding--its always what ever you want. I sat my hubby to be down and said look I love you and want to spend the rest of our lives together, but we are getting married not just me and your wants and likes and dislikes matter because I want you to have the best day of your life also.

Well it worked he is totally into helping me now, all I have to do is ask. Good luck and dont give up we have both been married before and his ex would not let him do any planning she told him it was only the brides day so he thought that was how it always is.

Hang in there it will get better.

Yep, you're expected to spend hours and hours doing research, coming up with options and guys get to spend 10 seconds helping the final decision (acting like it's such a chore). Some think they're being helpful by just letting you decide (aka do everything). Truth is they don't want to do it, but everyone expects you to want to. No, you're not alone.

I don't recommend the passive-aggressive approach of saying "I don't care" -- it does not compute with guys. And Yes, this is pretty much how living together will be too. Trust me housecleaning, laundry, cooking will be left to you unless you say something direct about it.

I agree with everyone who advised you to speak up. The whole I-Don't-Care game won't last long plus it's no way to start out a marriage. I honestly don't think that he's doing it to be malicious, he's just a guy! lol

Oh and I wanted to throw in that my FH actually said to me..."ugh, this wedding planning is stressful!" - and he was serious.

Let's see...the ONLY thing I had asked him to do at that point was to THINK about who his groomsmen/best man would be. That's it...only to think about it...and that STILL isn't decided and that was months ago!! haha...MEN!!

I actually had the same problem with my fiance but the complete opposite. He wanted too much input. I'd ask him what he was looking for in the location. He would give me some ideas, I would search the web, find a couple beautiful places. I would show him and than he would completely change his mind. He gave me a $400 limit on my wedding cake, and refuses to pay for a caterer when we can do the food ourselves....for 150 people....150 miles away from home...and have to transport it there safely. I finally talked to him, and he agreed that he was being indecisive about everything, and that since I was paying for 90% of this wedding anyway, that i dont need a limit on my cake, or anything else. Anyway, it's not uncommon for the guys to not care. Because the whole wedding thing is not there thing. Guys dont really have a sense of style either, your probably better off picking everything yourself. lol! Don't let it get to you, its your day, and I'm sure it will all be worth it in the end.!

It looks like naynay has it figured out, but to to help anyone else out that is reading for some perspective here is a groom's opinion on this subject:

We seriously don't care about this stuff for the most part. We'd rather not be tacky (or some of us would rather be tacky), but on the whole we view the marriage afterward as a lot more important than the nitty gritty details of the wedding day. Something that particularly perturbs us is when we get asked our opinion after saying we don't really care, give that opinion, and then not have that opinion followed anyway. It feels patronizing. On the whole, for most guys the details are just that, details, and not very important. Whether the linens are honeysuckle or cornflower, we frankly don't care.

There are going to be lots of situations where the two of you have differing ideas about what your respective roles are. This is just one situation where you need to work it out.

You seem to be overwhelmed and like you really want his support in planning this event. Pretty legitimate. There are ways of him offering presence and support that don't mean that he has to have an opinion on color schemes or whatever. He needs to know this. Your "I don't care" strategy doesn't communicate this.

Maybe he's afraid that the next year is going to be nothing-but-wedding all the time. Maybe he is afraid of offering an opinion that you don't like. Maybe your pace is different from his. Point is, if you want this to be a shared experience, you need to be ready to listen to and accommodate whatever his feelings about the process are as well. He probably won't just come out with it. You will both need to learn how to talk about this stuff.

Take a deep breath. This is what marriage is about.

My FH does all the wedding stuff with me. I dont know if he WANTS to or not, but I think he likes being involved. That said, I think he may be an exception to the norm. They say that women have dreamed about their wedding day since they were little. No where does it mention little boys dreaming about their future wedding! Don't get frustrated at him. He probably thinks you like doing all the planning. I think you should just talk to him about it b/c chances are, he has NO idea that you feel that way. Remember, men aren't that intutitive

WOW, I thought I was the only one having this problem!!

My FH was the same way!! And like everyone has alrady said, Let him

know how your feeling! The cold shoulder is not the best way to go, It's just gonna piss you off more!

I told my FH that he had to wear an orange tux and he started to speak up!

Hang in there Girl!!

Lol at Lauren!! My fiance was the same way..I kept telling him he needed to pick a best man and groomsmen and he kept putting it off saying why so soon? We were 4 months away from the wedding! I think if it were up to him he would ask someone the day before the wedding! Well I finally got him to pick one, a mutual friend of ours, which worked out great because my fiance had it in his head he was going to wear jeans to the wedding! No amount of begging and pleading was changing his mind. Then after I was venting to our best man he went and sat him down and said hey this is a big day for her and you and she wants it special and I don't know what else but after that he realized how important all this is and had a real change of attitude!! He is even going to wear a tux now!! lol

My sister in law made of list of things my brother had to do for their wedding, like the DJ, food, marriage license... etc. big things that he could do. she handled all the little things that he 'didn't care' about.

Beelieve me i went through this too in the early stages planning our wedding. id just either a. sit him down and and talk to him about how you feel. or 2. not talk aboput the wedding for a few days and see if he even mentions anything about it. if he doesnt then id go and talk to him about it.....see guys just dont get what all goes into deatail about planning a wedding. but after i talked to my fh he has been giving me ideas and we worked together on this. hope it works out with you and your fh.

LOL...I know where your coming from as do most of the brides who also wrote. Take a week or two off from planning the wedding and talk to him. Most grooms know that you have thought about this day from the time you saw Cinderella!! And they just want to make you happy. You know the saying Happy Wife Happy Life. He doesn't doesnn't to be blamed if anythign should go wrong or be told no because you don't like it. Talk it out!! Wish you luck.