i don't want to invite my cousin

While I’m a big believer in you shouldn’t invite anyone you don’t want there, I also don’t think it’s ok to not invite someone because you’ll “be out $200”. If you have no relationship with her and don’t care to have one in the future then don’t invite her. If you do want to have a relationship with her, invite her. Don’t base it off what present she’ll give you though.

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I couldn't agree with this more. If you genuinely think that she's a selfish person and don't want a relationship with her, that's a good reason not to invite her to your wedding. Assuming she won't bring a gift is not.

View Quoted Comment I did word that a bit mean, but she always shows up to holidays and will gladly accept money and presents from everyone and never brings anyone anything. I just feel like it's rude. I understand if she was unemployed and struggling but she's not. I barely talk to her and don't really want to have a relationship with her but my family thinks i should

How do you figure you'll be throwing away $200? Is that the cost per person at your event?

I would understand where you're coming from if you didn't want to invite her to your event purely because she never invites you to hers, but it sounds to me like you're making this about the money and the possibility of her not bringing you a gift.

View Quoted Comment Yes. I didn't mean to word it like that, i just kind of meant she would show up with her plus one, eat drink and leave and not really enjoy anything else. I don't care about the money but i feel like its kind of rude to not even show up with a card or anything. It could be am empty card i dont care, but i feel like she would just show up for free food and drinks, not because its my wedding. If that makes sense

If you don't want a relationship with her, and want to be happy at your wedding, then don't invite her. I was made to invite people I don't really want to and I just hope I don't end up regretting it when/if they actually come.

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I can definitely see where you're coming from in that case. Honestly, it's your wedding, and if nobody aside from you and FS are contributing financially, they really don't get a say in your guest list. I wouldn't invite her, especially if you don't really have a relationship with her

OMG I feel ya girl! We're are facing this exact issue, I have a cousin, let's call him "J" he shows up, eats then leaves (usually after criticizing the food in some way) we've both been at Christmas's and I didn't even know he had showed up because he leaves so quickly! I had been fighting our Grandma because she said I "had" to invite him since I'm inviting his sister who I'm close to, FH and I have been bouncing back and forth about it. But this Sunday, on Easter oh did that boy (he's older than me but acts like a child so, I refuse to call him a man) made our decision for us, we were pulling onto my grandma's road and he was already leaving and refused to move over so we could drive past him (the road is plenty big enough for two cars to pass each other) and RAN US OFF THE ROAD!!! While smiling the whole time! We were LIVID, I walked into my grandma's kitchen looked at her and said "I love you, I value your opinion, but you're not paying for this wedding, we are, and we are NOT inviting him, I don't want to hear another thing about it"

I personally think that if your cousin is ANYTHING like mine (and sounds like she may be) then don't invite her, it's not like you really have a relationship to damage and whether or not she shows is not going to make or break your day.

Some people on here are so quick to jump on the fact that you said she won’t bring a gift and completely ignore all the other information like “she’s selfish”, doesn’t invite you to her events, will come only for the food and alcohol and leave after she’s had her fill. It shows you who are truly just here to judge instead of offer sound advice. I honestly would not invite her. Think of it this way; would you take her and a date out to dinner and pay for their meals? Probably not. It’s the same situation.

P.s a gift could be a $2 “Congratulations” card which I expect all my guest to at least get that whether it comes with a second gift or not. It’s rude to go to someone’s event and not bring some sort of “gift”.

I totally see where you're coming from and have a cousin like this. I would not invite her if I was you At the end of the day, it is your wedding and you should not feel like you have to invite anyone.

Before we planned to elope, my FH was VERY adamant about not inviting one of his aunts and her spouse and children. They're very dramatic people, very selfish, and will come to family functions just to complain. While I agreed and didn't really want them to come to our wedding, I tried to tell him it would be awkward at future family functions if they weren't invited. I'm actually glad that he kept his foot down and told me no, not that it matters now anyway, but shortly after discussing it, one his cousins was with us at a CHRISTMAS function no less and was just on the phone the whole time grieving about how he didn't want to be there, with full use of expletives in front of the family, and they're all like that. Now I don't now about you, but those are not people I would ever want at my wedding. If you don't want someone there, don't invite them just to keep the peace. It won't really avoid drama because it could end up ruining your day. Don't make it about other people. Make it about you and your spouse.

I am a firm believer in only inviting the people you genuinely want there.

That being said, the point of a wedding isn't to get gifts. It's to celebrate the commitment to each other. I don't think it's okay to not invite someone on the basis of "they will bring a plus one and not bring a gift".

ETA: After reading additional comments, and getting more background information, if you don't like your cousins personality and you don't have a close relationship with her then I would not invite her!

I wouldn't invite her if I were in your shoes. She sounds rude and I wouldn't want to see her face on the day of the wedding 🤷‍♀️

Just make sure it’s something you really want to do and is worth the negative impacts. Don’t make a rash decision based on hurting someone who hurt you.

You're welcome to invite, or not invite, anyone you want to your wedding. It sounds like you've tried to maintain some type of relationship with no reciprocation. If I were you, I wouldn't invite her either.