I have a condition called Mast Cell Activation Syndrome (MCAS) that basically makes me allergic to everything when activated. I've basically been in remission since high school, but I always knew it could possibly come back at any time.
Well, it's back, and just in time for my wedding 😭
I can't even begin to describe how this disease has changed my life in just the last two months of it being activated. All my clothes feel uncomfortable. I have gross rashes and hives all over my body that never go away. I can't eat ANYTHING anymore, like I'm basically living off salads without dressing and plain rice and water, but even that tickles my throat and I feel sick afterwards. My eyes are red and always runny. I haven't left the house in almost two months.
We're already locked into several contracts including one for a gorgeous wedding venue that we paid a huge deposit on. We can't afford to lose our deposit we made over six months ago. I just feel so lost and devastated. I do not want to have a wedding right now. I can't even think of how I could possibly participate in this state. I can't eat anything. I can't get ready with the bridesmaids. I will not want to be there and I will probably be crying for all the wrong reasons.
Another thing is insecurity. I've been completely stripped of my makeup, hair dye, hair products, nail polish, skincare, self-tanner, and everything else that used to be part of my daily routine. I used to feel so confident and now I feel so bare and exposed. I don't want anyone seeing me or taking pictures of me like this. Ugh.
We literally have no idea where we can go from here. If we cancel the wedding, we will probably never be able to afford one again and that's been a dream of mine since I was a little girl. If we go on with the wedding, I honestly can't even begin to imagine what that would look like. I'd prefer everyone else have a good time while I watch it on zoom or something honestly. Idk. I'm crying again. If anyone has ideas I'm all ears.
