i feel like no one is helping me

Why isn't your future spouse helping? This is not your burden to bear alone (nor is it your friends' job), and he or she should be playing an equal role. If your mental health is beginning to suffer, your partner needs to step up in a MAJOR way. I would recommend having a candid conversation about the tasks that still need to be addressed, and figure out how to bear that load together.

What is your fiancé doing to help mitigate your stress levels in wedding planning? You should not be doing this alone, they should be helping. It is their wedding just as much as it is yours and they should be putting in equal effort in planning (a lot easier said than done in a lot of cases). You want help, this should be the first person you turn to.

Remember, your MOH is not a free wedding planner, clearly she is giving some input (minimal), but a lot of time we as friends don't want to give our opinion on items revolving around your wedding because you may be in love with one thing, but then opinions start rolling in an you start second guessing. Even best friends have stuff going on in their lives that they don't have the time to contribute to pre wedding festivities. Anyone can host a shower, it doesn't fall just on her. Anyone can take the lead on a bach party if she is too busy, just have open communication.

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Thank you for this

I didn't want my post to be 5 paragraphs long but that is actually an issue I have been struggling with. Gosh guys, I really don't want to come across as dramatic or anything like that but idk. He works and I stay home because I am in school (online). I vent to him about how stressed I am to the point of tears and how I feel like no one is helping me and how this whole process is beginning to be so unenjoyable because it's too much for me to keep up with as one person while also having to study and take quizzes while also making lists for vendors, signing contracts, communicating with vendors, organizing, etc. Anyways, I sit and have these convos with him, and nothing happens he says, "what am I supposed to help with you have already done it all?" there will also be times in public in front of other people where he will apologize that he hasn't helped or put much effort into helping but the actions do not match the words? I'm so confused I do not know how to approach any part of this situation at all. He is an amazing guy, don't get me wrong but he out of everyone is the one to see how much the stress is actually taking a toll on me and i IDK

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Thank you for this pov, this helped me so much.

I don't want anyone to think that I am viewing her as my wedding planner or expecting her to completely take over and do everything. I don't know how this is supposed to work or the correct etiquette I guess you would say, I honestly just want help. This is something you dream of since you are little especially with your best friend. I guess I had just hoped this would have been something fun that we planned together.

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Sorry if this is harsh. This is what your future is going to look like if you two do not get on the same page. Every appointment, gathering, paper work, etc. He is showing you that now he is just going to put it on you. Just because you are in school doesn't mean you just have more free time on your hands.

Make a list of things that need to be done. Vendor research, booking, quotes, whatever it may be. Give him half the list and say this is what I need you to do. If he doesn't do anything, really think about the future of your relationship.

ETA from your reply to me: Wedding burnout happens. It happens with everyone involved including our friends. For right now I think you need to take a step back from planning, talk to you finace, and just chat with your friend without wedding talk.

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This isn't harsh at all, I wanted advice and you're giving it to me! Thank you! Really, this is honestly helpful and nice to know it's not in my head. You're right about not getting help from my fiancé, I have been feeling discouraged about that but just tell myself "The husband doesn't usually help anyways" when that's just making an excuse for it and he should be helping me, you're right.

Have you communicated this to your MOH? She might genuinely not know what is expected of her. Some people don't have experience with weddings or anything of the sort & might just think it means she'll stand next to you at the wedding! Either way, it might help to let her know how you're feeling.

I agree with Janet, and I'm also going to add that some MOHs and friends are going to bring different things to the table. My MOH was actually a co-MOH in a wedding where the bride had a childhood best friend who does not have strengths involving organizing, party planning, or getting people excited about things. My MOH? Your perfect hype woman, and this bride knew that.

I was a BM in a friend's wedding and her MOH was her sister. Planning and organizing and hyping? Not her strong suit. So my friend planned her own bachelorette party (and I helped where I could because I'm a planner and an organizer and a hype woman), the ladies at church threw her a shower, and I stepped into MOH duties wherever her sister didn't want to.

You asked your friend to be your MOH because you value her friendship, not so she would have to plan things for you, you know? But it could be really good for your friendship to take her to coffee or out for drinks and just have a heart to heart about what your expectations were and which ones she doesn't feel like she can meet. Then you can talk to your other 'maids and friends and sisters and aunts and whoever to fill in the gaps.

Don't hold it against her that she isn't jumping in - sometimes it's hard as a BM or a MOH to know how much to jump in.

I love my MOH and she loves me but I've stopped sending her every single thing I want opinions on because I don't want our friendship to just revolve around wedding stuff right now, ya know?

I'm also going to echo getting FH involved a bit more. I know you can't send him veils and dresses, but maybe you guys decide to have a couple's shower and his mom or aunt plans that? I get that it can be frustrating, but remember that these are your favorite people, and while we want everyone to share our excitement, it's ultimately our wedding and not theirs.

I made it clear to my now husband that if we were to have a big wedding I would need his help planning, otherwise I wanted to do a small dinner at a restaurant. He expressed that he wanted the big wedding and that he was willing to help plan and execute.


He took the lead on caterer, band and rentals.

I took the lead on photographer, florist, attire, and everything else.
I really enjoyed my areas and had specific ideas and preferences. His areas weren’t as important to me and I trusted whatever he picked would be wonderful. I was able to “let it go” and only worry about my areas of the wedding.
There were of course things that we did jointly! And we made a lot of decisions together as well.
Printing out a Month by month checklist (just google wedding planning checklist) was really helpful for me and I think could possibly help you cope with some of your stress and anxiety. I wish you luck!! Let us know if you have a chat with your fiancé or MOH!

Unless you pay someone, no-one is obliged to help you. Your FI should be doing much of what you're describing. The wedding party is a chance for you to honour the most important people in your life.

You have unreasonable expectations of your MOH and should be hiring a wedding coordinator or at least DOC if your fiance has no input or interest in planning. You might also consider a micro wedding in it's too overwhelming.

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I feel there are many gender-based assumptions with weddings and they are an unfair burden to everyone. A wedding is not every little girl's dream that the groom merely goes along. There are actually many posts of grooms wanting the big wedding while brides prefer small. Many of us can give you tips on how to be co-event planners, but really if your FH isn't willing to take stock in your shared life, you should cancel the wedding, or hire a professional. Just because one of you works, doesn't mean your schoolwork has less responsibilities. Trust me when I say this will carry into your marriage.

Ps. Just because You and your MOH are females, doesn't mean you know everything or is interested in everything wedding. Give yourselves a little break. Best wishes.

Hello, I'm sorry that you are feeling burned out! I can relate to the feeling of being the main person to plan everything for the wedding and not really getting much help. Spoiler: I hired a wedding planner/coordinator last month.


My fiance is in charge of hiring the band and making the wedding website. I will check in with him about vendors and ask him what he likes, but he is really having me do most of the work. He did come with me to the floral appointment and the tent site visit as well (for backyard wedding reception).
My maid of honor is also my sister. She is lovely, but not taking charge of any wedding planning. I text her links and pictures and ask her advice, but she only gives her opinions sparingly.
I ended up hiring a wedding planner/coordinator. She gave me a list of vendors she has worked with before, she quickly answers my emails of questions, she will come for a site visit soon, she is going to help with most of the decor, and will be taking over during the wedding day. I found that her price is very reasonable. And I like that she is helping me, but I'm still planning as well. And I think the day of coordination is really important since it's a backyard reception. Good luck!! You definitely need more help! But I think it's also ok if the maid of honor that you imagined in your head is not what your friend is able to give you. She can still be a great maid of honor even if she is only helping plan a little bit. You definitely need to have an honest conversation with your fiance, MOH, and any other support systems that you have to divide work between some other people. And I recommended looking into an affordable planner (if it's in your budget).