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Jordan
Just Said Yes October 2021

I guess I am not having a Bachelorette Party

Jordan, on August 5, 2021 at 12:36 PM Posted in Parties and Events 0 22
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So, I have been engaged for 11 months and our wedding is in October. The bridesmaids/maid of honor were asked to be in the wedding almost immediately as they were all in on the engagement. It’s a small wedding party with 4 bridesmaids/MOH.


We’re now 8 weeks out from the wedding and I find out my MOH still hasn’t planned my bachelorette party. I ensured she had the time and ability to plan the bachelorette party because others were offering to do it for me. I have given her the other bridesmaids phone numbers so she could reach out for ideas/help. All of my bridesmaids messaged me recently asking if I knew any details because my MOH never reached out to them. My 3 bridesmaids have small kids and full time jobs (plus other obligations), my MOH is a SAHM of 2 teenagers so I don’t want nor except them to plan anything.
Am I right to be upset and disappointed? What would you say/do? I told my fiancé about the situation and he mentioned that he would just book a friend and I a spa day and a hotel for the night, but it doesn’t make me feel better.

22 Comments

Latest activity by Sarah, on August 5, 2021 at 3:15 PM
  • Katie
    Expert August 2021
    Katie ·
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    It can be a little disappointing. But in no way are the bridesmaids or MOH required to plan any parties. Their only job is to wear the dress you want and to show up on time to the wedding. If you want one that bad you can plan it yourself, but make sure you have everyones budget and opinions in mind. My bridesmaids were all so busy with their own lives, so I took my Bachelorette in my own hands. I asked what everyone's input was on what I suggested and when we found something everyone agreed on we did that.
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  • Jessi
    Super October 2022
    Jessi ·
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    I agree with Katie. It's okay to be a bit disappointed, but if having one is that important to you, you can plan one yourself. Just because your MOH is a SAHM doesn't mean she's not also busy or has other obligations. Your bridesmaids truly are not required to do anything more than show up at your wedding in the dress you asked them to be in. Try not to hang onto this for too long. Like I said before, it's valid that you're feeling disappointed, but letting it affect anything else isn't worth it. If you FH is open to planning a spa day you could do that... all of you could have a spa day, it doesn't have to be anything crazy.

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  • SLY
    Master January 2022
    SLY ·
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    I think the issue is that the MOH already agreed to throw it and had all of the other ladies' information to reach out to them for planning. She confirmed with the bride that she had time and ability to plan it, and the bride told everyone else that had offered that the MOH had to covered.

    At this point, I'd get with your MOH and just confirm whether or not she'll be planning it. If not, then it's perfectly fine to get with your ladies and plan it together! Although it's not what you expected or planned, it's an option!

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  • Jordan
    Just Said Yes October 2021
    Jordan ·
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    The thing is, I had other friends (non-wedding party) specifically say they wanted to plan it, but my MOH said that she wanted to do it. I even double checked to make sure she wanted to and had enough time to. I don’t feel as though anyone is obligated to do it. But, I turned down others offers to do it because she said she wanted to. That’s why I am so disappointed.


    I’m not having a bridal shower so this bachelorette party was a chance for me to get together with all my closest friends (three different “friend groups”) at once, which I was excited about.
    After paying for the wedding we really don’t have the money for an entire spa day for me and all my friends. That’s why he offered for me and a friend, even though that is pushing it (I don’t think he realizes the cost lol).
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  • Lisa
    Rockstar July 2022
    Lisa ·
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    One thing you could do is reach out to your MOH to say something along the lines of, "Hey! A few people were asking me what the plan is for the bachelorette party. Do you have any details that I can pass along to them? Is there a date that I need to keep open in my calendar?" This might encourage her to start planning. If she responds that she won't have time to plan it, you could let her know that you understand, and then accept the offer from one of your other friends who offered to plan one.
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  • Jessi
    Super October 2022
    Jessi ·
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    A bachelorette party usually is when everyone pays for themselves. If you can afford a spa day for yourself and everyone else agrees that they can afford it then you're good. They also may offer to split the cost of yours.

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  • Samantha
    VIP October 2022
    Samantha ·
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    It’s ok to feel disappointed, she said she wanted to handle it and she hasn’t. Since she isn’t doing it, why not take up the offer that one of the other bridesmaids have made and let someone else do it?


    As far as her being a SAHM with teenagers so she should have more time - that’s not so cut and dried. People have varying energy levels, planning abilities, and expectations in their families that other’s can’t see. She may really not be able to do this. Of course she should have been up front, but she wasn’t.
    The goal is to have the party, so focus on that - enlist the other bridesmaids to help and have the party you want.
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  • Jordan
    Just Said Yes October 2021
    Jordan ·
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    Not everyone can afford it unfortunately. That’s why we were going to have a more relaxed night!
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  • Jordan
    Just Said Yes October 2021
    Jordan ·
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    I know her kids really well and take them to a lot of their events lol this isn’t a stranger to me and I know what her responsibilities are as a SAHM. So, I don’t understand why that continues to be a point of concern in my post.
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  • Rabreena
    Expert October 2021
    Rabreena ·
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    I will say that you do have the right to feel upset, but not at or towards any of your friends in the bridal party.
    I agree with PP, Katie, that in no way is the MOH or bridesmaids obligated to plan any party for you, as they are only expected to show up and do their agreed duties for the wedding. If you truly feel like you are being deprived of not having a bachelorette party then I would start planning it yourself and inform you bridal party that you are. So that way they have heads up and see if they can make it work in their schedule(s). Otherwise I would take up on your FH's offer in order to take some time for yourself to relax.
    It looks like I will not have one either, as nothing has been mentioned to me from any of my girls. But I honestly informed them that if I didn't have a bachelorette party I would be perfectly okay with that decision as I do not want them to feel obligated to do/ plan something for me when we all have very busy at home lives.

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  • Jordan
    Just Said Yes October 2021
    Jordan ·
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    I have asked her, offered ideas that would be affordable for everyone, gave her other friends numbers and even sent her the “guest list” since she doesn’t know all of them. I messaged another friend that had offered to plan and if she still can, I’m just going to let my MOH know.
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  • Jordan
    Just Said Yes October 2021
    Jordan ·
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    I have tried confirming several times, but it’s always a vague answer. I reached out to someone else that offered to see if they still were willing/able and I think I’m just going to let my MOH know if they are! Thank you Smiley smile
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  • Samantha
    VIP October 2022
    Samantha ·
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    If she isn’t a stranger to you, could you talk with her about your hurt feelings? Have an open and honest conversation that you were counting on her, you know she has the time to do this, and that you are hurt and disapointed?
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  • Lisa
    Rockstar July 2022
    Lisa ·
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    I think that sounds like a good plan!
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  • SLY
    Master January 2022
    SLY ·
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    Good luck! I know it can get frustrating, but just remember that you have people that want to celebrate you! I hope it all gets worked out and you have the best bachelorette! Smiley shame

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  • Jordan
    Just Said Yes October 2021
    Jordan ·
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    I have talked to her about— she just makes it sound like she’s already planning it every time. But, I know she hasn’t because she will turn around and ask me questions about “what I’m wanting.” Id be fine with not having one if no one had asked me. It’s the fact that numerous people did, but she told me she wanted to do it.
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  • Jordan
    Just Said Yes October 2021
    Jordan ·
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    Thanks girl! Just having a low key night with all mud friends would be perfect Smiley smile
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  • Jacks
    Rockstar November 2054
    Jacks ·
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    That is frustrating! You'll need to let it go so it doesn't affect your relationship with your MOH. Anyone can plan a party for you, except for you of course. If you just want to spend time with them, you could host a lunch. Just don't call it a bachelorette of course.

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  • Samantha
    VIP October 2022
    Samantha ·
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    So it sounds like she’s a liar - you’ve told her your feelings are hurt, she replies that she is planning party but you know she’s not.
    She doesn’t sound like she values your friendship. It’s a big move to remove her from the wedding party, but the best way forward may be to expect only that she be there the day of. But honestly, if someone were to lie to my face about planning a party, I’d wonder what other things they lie about. That seems like such a bizarre thing to make up.
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  • SLY
    Master January 2022
    SLY ·
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    Sounds like a plan! Good luck with everything moving forward, it'll all work out! Smiley catface

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