i have never had the chance of to be in a wedding party and i would like to be in one/seeking ways to make it happen

I am so sorry you have never gotten to experience being in a wedding party. While I understand the disappointment, I have to be honest… I don’t think you will get that experience being a “bridesmaid for hire“, so to speak. What makes being in a wedding party so fun and special, is celebrating that milestone in one of your closest friend’s (or family member’s) life. It’s bonding with close friends. Just going through the motions with strangers is never going to give you the experience you’re seeing others have.

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I'm not trying to a bridesmaid for hire. I'm actually willing to pay to be in someone's wedding to get the experience of being in a wedding party. If people can pay to experience places on vacations, then I should be able to pay to meet a goal that I want accomplished.

View Quoted Comment That’s not what I was saying. I was saying that, by being in a complete strangers wedding, you will never get the true experience of being a bridesmaid. Being in a wedding party isn’t a checklist of things you do, it’s an emotional experience. It’s the excitement of celebrating your friend during one of the most important days of their lives. It is not an experience you can purchase like an item off a shelf. Unlike a vacation, which is opened to be experienced equally to everyone, being in a wedding party can only truly be experienced when you are invited by the bride and groom because they love you dearly and want to share these important moments with you. This would be akin to saying you want to pay a family to experience Christmas with them. Or pay a significant other to be in a relationship with you. You are never going to truly experience an event that is rooted in emotions, by paying someone to fake it with you. Just because you are turning 40 doesn’t mean you will never be in a wedding party! People are getting married later in life these days. Couples are having big weddings for second marriages. And huge blowout vow renewals are becoming a thing as well. There is still definitely time for you to have an authentic experience as a bridesmaid (or a groomswoman)!

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Most of my friends are married. Most of my younger unmarried relatives who are younger than me aren't going to pick somebody older than them to be in their weddings. The people I know who remarry aren't having big weddings, they just go to a courthouse or have very small weddings with a best man and maid/matron of honor. My window of time for friends or relatives who are in my age range to ask me to be in a wedding has closed. The only chance I have at this point is paying extra to get the experience through a stranger.

View Quoted Comment Well, I guess it’s obviously up to you if you would like to pay for an inauthentic experience; that is always your right. But again, you won’t get the real experience of being in a bridal party. So it just seems like a waste of time and money. (for example, paying somebody to be your significant other is never going to give you the real experience of being in an authentic relationship with mutual feelings/love). You are just going to be paying for a cheap knockoff experience that doesn’t come close to what it actually feels like to be in a wedding party. Unfortunately, some things just can’t be purchased.

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I know you think I'm weird, but I just want to a way to experience being in a wedding party and I don't care if you think I want to pay for a cheap knockoff. It's hard never being anyone's favorite in life or never being viewed enough to be asked to be in a wedding party, but if there's a way to at least get to experience being in a wedding party after being rejected by friends and relatives I would take it.

View Quoted Comment No, I don’t think it’s weird wanting to experience being in a wedding party at all. I would just be more concerned with finding a way to work through these feelings of rejection you are having. It seems like there is a much deeper issue here than just wanting to be in a wedding party. Maybe speaking with a therapist could help you come to terms with some of these feelings, and they can give you healthy ways to work past them. Trying to put a Band-Aid over deep-seeded emotional trauma is never going to heal you or fill the void you are trying to fill with this faux spot in a wedding party. I would definitely suggest therapy and working towards deepening your friendships/emotional connections, or even make new ones! Healing from within and tackling the problem at hand is where you are going to finally find peace and happiness.
Best of luck! 💕

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I really want the experience and I don't think therapy would help at all, it won't give me the experience I desire. Again, if people can spend money on vacations, going to sporting events, skiing, surfing, rock/mountain climbing in other countries, then it should fine for me to spend money to pay to be in a wedding party.

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I will be honest, I don't have a lot of female friends to be bridesmaids. If you want, you can definitely be in my Godzilla-themed wedding if you don't mind wearing a dress based on what the Mothra priestesses wear. Maybe we can PM together and chat about it. Because of my fixed income, I always need money and if you are willing to pay me, that would definitely help and also be a solution to my lack of female friends to be bridesmaids.

If this post is for real, your priorities are completely warped. Bridesmaids are not props. The honor is all about recognizing special relationships. I agree with the suggestion to seek counseling. Saying it won't give you the "experience" misses the entire point and makes a farce out of the arrangement. You can't buy friendship.

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I'm trying to get an experience. If people can pay money to travel to cross off things from their bucket lists then I should be able to do the same for a wedding party.

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No, you shouldn't. Shouldn't do it that is, since there is no law. It makes a sad mockery of the concept of friendship.

View Quoted Comment Maybe getting the experience would lead to friendship. It’s difficult for me to know that deep down none of my friends or relatives think enough of me and didn’t include me in their weddings.

View Quoted Comment Were you invited to be a guest at these weddings? If so, you were very much included and thought highly of.


And comparing paying to be in a bridal party with paying to go on a holiday or do an activity is not accurate. It’s more like paying strangers to take you on what is supposed to be a holiday with their nearest and dearest. It’s weird. And when you have to explain to wedding guests who’ve never seen nor heard of you before that you had to pay to be there, well I can’t imagine that will make you feel included or highly regarded.

As others have said, some experiences can’t be experienced by just throwing money at it. For instance, birthing a child is a very emotionally salient milestone for many people. While yes, people pay for fertility treatments, but would you pay the money to get pregnant and have the baby and then give it up for adoption and move on after you’ve “crossed that experience off your bucket list?” I would imagine not. Certain experiences, like a vacation or skydiving or whatever can be paid for. Others, especially those that are really rooted in strong interpersonal connections, can’t. You can pay for sex and companionship, but you can’t pay for true love, for example. Do those maybe look the same to an outside observer? Probably, more or less. Do they feel the same for the people involved? Likely not.


It’s understandable to want to be in a bridal party, but the joy comes from that intense joy you feel as you help your nearest and dearest prepare for and go through their wedding day. What exactly is it that you are hoping for in this bridesmaid experience? I think focusing more on the why rather than the what can help you get to what it is you are truly hoping to experience. Because I’m willing to bet the experience of putting on a dress you were asked to buy, get your makeup done, and walk down an aisle to stand there for a bit is likely not the fun, exciting, emotionally laden experience you’re hoping for. Quite honestly, being a bridesmaid is just expensive and possibly time consuming. But you do it because you love the person you’re doing it for.

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Yes I was invited. But, being a guest is just basically like being a spectator at a sporting event.

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I honestly don't care if I have to explain that I paid to be there. It's the experience that I would pay for and I wouldn't care about what the guests thought.

Being left out constantly in the past by friends and relatives hurt me more so I don't think I would care what guests thought if I had to pay to be in someone's wedding.

Hi! If you don't mind adding context:

How many of your close friends have gotten married while you were friends with them? How long had you known them by the time they got married? Do you have siblings who are married, particularly sisters? Any cousins you're very close with who have been married?

You mention that your friends and family haven't asked you to be a bridesmaid so I'm just wondering how many instances this has been

In my experience, being a bridesmaid doesn't come with THAT many perks or responsibilities (other than getting ready with the bride and other maids), unless you're specifically the Maid of Honor. I've been a bridesmaid in two weddings (both for my sisters), and neither time I was the maid of honor so I really wasn't asked to do anything other than show up on the wedding day. I did help set up one bridal shower, but that's because it was at my house (if it wasn't at my house I wouldn't have been asked to be involved because none of the other bridesmaids were except the Maid of Honor). Even if my sisters didn't ask me to be their bridesmaid, I really wouldn't have missed out on anything other than getting my makeup and dress on with the others (except one sister asked me to pick up sandwiches on the wedding day, haha). This is all besides the sentimental value, but in terms of what the actual experience is, that's just my opinion. To me all the value in it was because they are my actual sisters rather than the actions of being a bridesmaid.

I have never been a bridesmaid in a wedding. I would love to experience this too but if I never do, I am ok with that. But I would never buy a spot in someone's wedding. It just seems strange to me but to each their own. Different strokes for different folks , so to speak. I could never do it though. But good luck on marking that off your bucket list one day. I have a normal bucket list, like going on a cruise for the first time, visiting every state before I die, etc.... But not buying a spot in someone's wedding. Good luck with that.

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I know you think I’m weird for not having a normal bucket list like you. That’s fine, but I know you aren’t really wishing me luck. You probably laughed at me, again that's ok. If my goals aren't normal, then so be it. I've been hurt too much and if I have the means to buy into a spot and have the chance, I'll do it.