Skip to main content
ARE YOU A VENDOR?

Post content has been hidden

To unblock this content, please click here

I
Beginner October 2025

i just want to elope! Family stress and pressure.

Izzy, on December 19, 2022 at 1:10 PM Posted in Planning 0 4
Saved
Reply

Ugh, I just want to elope! If I could have it my way, it would be me and my fiancé, our two witnesses/best man and matron of honor, and maybe both sets of parents, and that's a solid maybe.

I never wanted to get married in the first place--everyone in my family has been divorced a minimum of 1 times, some more, and I just didn't want to risk it. Then I spent five years with my fiancé and realized there was perhaps one person in the world I wanted to marry. Seeing as I never dreamed of a big wedding, keeping it as small and intimate as possible sounds nice to me.

Thing is, I have a huge family. I mentioned those divorces, right? Yeah, well, everyone has too many kids to count, too. There are so many cousins. Sometimes I lose track of aunts and uncles, still. 50 people is the absolute smallest we can make the list, and even that feels like a lot. It's too much for most micro-wedding packages.

So yeah, I'd like to carve it down to my four parents, my fiancé's two parents, and our two witnesses. So 10 people, counting the two of us. That sounds heavenly, but...

But my matron of honor/witness is my older sister, she's also my only full blood sibling in a blended family, if I were to bring just her to the wedding and no other siblings it would start a favoritism riot. I know my littlest sister would be absolutely crushed if a sibling was invited and she wasn't, and I would never want to hurt any of them. I don't have a best friend I could substitute to be a maid of honor instead to avoid any favoritism by not having family.

But it's just so stressful, planning a wedding, and I'm not even really planning it yet!

Part of me wants to jump in a car and drive to Vegas, then just come back and announce that the deed is done. If only weddings really were just about the happy couple, then I could have the intimate wedding of my dreams without worrying about offending anyone.

Sorry, I really needed to vent this to someone other than my fiancé. They're very sympathetic, but there's only so many times they can hear me go off about "running away from it all".

4 Comments

Latest activity by Michelle, on December 20, 2022 at 7:55 AM
  • Michael
    Rockstar October 2023
    Michael ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content

    I'm glad you realize the wedding is not just about the happy couple. The weddings are about moving from one family into a new family and thus is a broad family event. It is also good you see a positive view of marriage for yourself now.

    I hope there is a happy arrangement you can find. You were not the one to create this modern extended family via divorces. Hopefully the family understands what you need to do to navigate this.

    • Reply
  • Cece
    Rockstar October 2023
    Cece ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content
    I could have been reading my own story. This is exactly how I felt. My advice… elope or have the small wedding! (assuming your spouse is on board with that plan). If having your sister as MOH would cause hurt feelings with your other siblings, you could always extend the guest list to just parents and siblings. Or, if your spouse likes the idea of eloping, you could elope just the two of you and live stream the ceremony for your family and friends back home. Weddings are expensive and there is no use wasting all that time, energy, and money planning an event you don’t even want!
    • Reply
  • Xx Sera
    Beginner June 2022
    Xx Sera ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content
    Congratulations! The skinny -
    My MOH who I flew in and expensed everything for, was of zero help. I was upfront with my family and friends about my choice on exclusivity and small. I did not want anyone at my wedding that I didn't regularly talk with or see excluding my out of town family. A week before my wedding my youngest cousin decided to ask my aunt, a grown man, if he could bring his girlfriend. I said no, 1) this family event was about my marriage not their personal agenda to introduce her to extended family. 2) I was weeding out family to include people I rather have. This cousin and his girlfriend were low on the totem pole and never reached out to wish us directly on our wedding. This later coincided with his sisters not attending and a sister not even replying back. I broke down 3 times, and in the end it still didn't go as planned but those who I least expected all the help from were wonderfully amazing making my day special and bright, May you find your boundaries, happiness, and the way you want it, on the day you say, "I do" xoxo It's about you and whomever your team bride is. Happy Planning.
    • Reply
  • M
    VIP August 2021
    Michelle ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content

    Hi Izzy. I hope you and your partner get the wedding you truly want! Just FYI, many couples head to Las Vegas alone. The chapel or venue can provide you staff to be the 2 witnesses and many have livestreaming capabilities. Best wishes!

    • Reply

You voted for . Add a comment 👇

×

Related articles

33 Bridal Jumpsuits and Rompers for Your Elopement or Minimony
Bride & Bridesmaids 33 Bridal Jumpsuits and Rompers for Your Elopement or... Skip the white dress and make a fashion statement by rocking pants or shorts...
24 Engagement Party Dresses for the Guest Who Wants to Impress
Engagement Party 24 Engagement Party Dresses for the Guest Who Wants to... Celebrating a newly engaged couple? These engagement party dresses were made for...
23 Bridesmaid Jumpsuits They Won't Want to Take Off
Bride & Bridesmaids 23 Bridesmaid Jumpsuits They Won't Want to Take Off Before you style your bridesmaids in traditional dresses, consider this trending...
Read more articles
WeddingWire celebrates love ...and so does everyone on our site! Learn more

Groups

Show more

WeddingWire article topics