i know i need to get over it but still angry

It's definitely not stupid but it is something you need to work through. Consider counseling or talking with your FH about it.

I think its rude for people to not come unless they have an excuse like an injury or being in the hospital. The other excuses are just tired and I can see why this makes you upset and may take you a long time to get over.

Were you the Bride with the eagles theme wedding? If so i totally loved everything about it,being an eagles girl myself! OK here comes the deep sigh...................You have every right to be upset. I find it very shocking how people don't know the etiquette that comes with weddings or the cost! Like you do realize I AM PAYING FOR YOUR PLATE? ugh! I understand your frustration because you could of saved a good chunk of change. Unfortunately the wedding is only the most important day to the bride and groom. Guest don't care as much and its sad. You have to figure out how you want your relationships to be now with the guest who didn't show(well the ones with stupid reasons). Do you want them in your life? Do you want to pull back from them now that they disappointed you? I'm sure i would be so upset if this happened to my wedding and i only have 46 guest in three days! I think a bride and groom went viral for sending guest a bill for the cost of their plate since they no showed. lol Totally something to do! You just got to figure out what you want out of the relationship from them to move on. Maybe if they throw a party you can rsvp yes and not show? OR show up with no gift since you already paid something for them.

Sooooo I am going to be the jerk and see both sides. I agree with you being upset and it is improper to not show and not forewarn you so I get that. I would take advice from the last PP, do you want to still continue to have a relationship with these people that cancelled with no valid reason? I would say do not include them in important life events or maybe even little parties. It lets you know how you are important to them so I would say keep that in the back of your mind. I will say that not everyone realizes how much weddings cost and I did not fully understood until I started planning. I will say this and I am sorry this is not what you want to hear so pardon if this is rude. You have every right to be bothered by those that did not show or cancelled last minute without a valid reason but on the other hand it was your decision to choose to spend the amount spent on a reception. I think receptions are great but I feel they are horribly expensive and sometimes I feel anti reception because I hate that some plates do cost $100+. It is an over charge and I feel it is done because the word wedding is attached. I do feel that you should have the wedding you want but it is ultimately up to the couple how much they choose to spend so in regards to the cost that is on you. I do agree you have a right to be upset about how they treated you because yes if you are not going to go, then tell the people, that is etiquette 101, and be mad because it is disrespectful but I would not let the fees be the reason. Yes that is a lot of money and it sucks you are out that money but we all decide how much we choose to spend on the day. I would rather focus on them not wanting to be there for an important day. If these people are that important to you then I would take time away from them to not be angry at them and eventually forgive but do not forget. Other people that do not have higher priority to you, just cut them out because they showed how important you and your hubby are to them. I am sorry if you hate what I am saying but I guess my overall point is to not let finances to be the source of your anger...plus you are going to have a beautiful married life so why harbor anger and resentment. When you are ready, let it go but maybe do not include them in the future for important gatherings.

Well here is where I am a jerk...remember that stuff lol. I kind of like what someone said....go to one of their parties and do not bring a gift. I mean realistically I would be mad about the money but I feel that it is rude to not cancel in advance. Take your time to not let it bother you and whenever you do that is fine. More so, I just do not want others to control your happiness. Otherwise I do hope your wedding was fun and you had the people that truly love you two were there for you. If it takes time to forgive then it does but yeah be mad but then when you feel better just keep that in your mind for the future. Maybe these people do not get invites to anything in the future. Hope married life is amazing and you get to spend the holidays together as a married couple...YAY!

I am so sorry. I kind of feel the same way about my husband's uncle and cousin. The cousin is in his 30s, but can't hold a steady job. He still lives with his dad and step-mom (my husband's aunt). My husband's uncle refused to pay for the cousin's hotel room because he wanted him to be a responsible adult and pay for his own hotel room. The cousin decided not to come. My husband's uncle and aunt said they were going to attend so we paid for both of them. Apparently a week before the wedding my husband's uncle told my husband's aunt he wasn't going since his son couldn't attend. The aunt told my mother-in-law, but by that point it was too late because the wedding was 7 days away and we had already paid for him to attend. His excuse is so lame because he is the one that refused to pay for his son's hotel room which is why the son couldn't attend. I later saw on Facebook they went were hanging out a bar the night of my wedding. I was so angry. I haven't seen them since, but the aunt tried telling me she thought we hadn't paid yet. She seemed to think we paid the day of because she clearly doesn't understand how weddings work. We had some other people not show up, but we knew beforehand the one person might not be able to make it, but she was going to try. Her daughter-in-law had cancer and was only given a few months to live a few months prior to our wedding. Another person told us she was bringing a date and didn't which annoyed me. One of the groomsmen's parents were invited since my husband knows them really well, but the groomsman's mom was sick so she couldn't come. I understand that though. Although it sucks that we spent all of this extra money there is nothing that can be done.

I totally understand this. I had about 10 no shows as well and it is super frustrating. One of them especially, as he was one of my best friends, the first friend I made when I moved to Memphis 2 .5 years ago, and we were supposedly super close. We talked all the time, him and my husband became good friends too, he was the person I called (other than my husband) when I needed to vent about work or friends or school or whatever. We talked a ton about the wedding and he came to our couples shower and everything. A week before everything was great and he talked again about his plans to come to the wedding. Then the wedding came and he was nowhere to be found, I didn't even get a text or call. That was October 12th, and he STILL hasn't bothered to text or call me. A mutual friend recently said he still talks like we are still best friends, but no. It was extremely hurtful and I am just going to withdraw from the relationship. It really sucks but he has shown his true colors (and I checked to make sure nothing happened like he was sick, etc.). Some of my husbands friends did similar things. I am so sorry you are dealing with this, but we decided to just let those people fade away and not to reach out to them anymore. Their loss.

Its not wrong to feel how you feel. Feel it and get through it. I say just take some time away from these people for a while until you are in a better place and then gradually allow them back into your space.

I think you have every right to be upset! This isn't just a "hey the department might grab a drink after work, swing by if you want" type of event, and not only does it suck when someone unexpectedly bails because it's expensive, it's also a really important and meaningful day for you and people who act this way don't seem to have a grasp on that!

I'm glad that you've made the distinction between those who have valid excuses (like the hospital, etc) or attempted to apologize. For others, consider their relationship to you, and if you feel like reaching out, definitely wait until you have had enough time to feel all of your emotions and will no longer react out of anger. It would be totally fine to say something along the lines of "Hey, I wish I had gotten a chance to see you at the wedding and catch up, and hate you missed such a special moment. Is everything okay?" but NOT "Hey punk, what's your problem for skipping out on my wedding?!"

If you feel like these conversations will bring out too much anger and won't be productive, write a letter/type an email explaining your frustrations. Get everything out there, heck be mean if you have to, then trash it. You'll be able to work through your feelings and move forward with your super cool new MARRIED LIFE!

Lady, I would be right with you (and probably will be.) I've told my partner we are gathering the uncollected escort cards and those people aren't on the holiday cards list for quite a while.

$1.50 a card plus a stamp...they should pay for their empty chair and open bar tab in 75 years or so and get back on the list.

I would be frustrated as well!! especially from family! not even a decency to call or text you STILL!! i had a few people cancel last minute and then some not show. but not that many. i'm so sorry to hear that but happy you still had an amazing day!!! i would definitely tell them your feelings. that might help you let go of some of that frustration and resentment. if they don't like it, oh well!! then you can take it from there.