I Lost a Friend Because of my Wedding

She didn't respond until after she was drunk. But she started telling me how I was a terrible friend for not making her a bridesmaid and she didn't understand because she thought we were close (we were but I have some other girls that I am really close with as well). She was mad that I didn't ask her to anything for the wedding. Saying I didn't care about her because I forgot to go to her table. I feel really bad about that, my husband went but I got distracted with something else. She kept saying "I blew her off at my wedding" and I was being selfish. Am I crazy? I feel bad about the whole situation and I don't know what to do. I guess I am mostly venting but want to do if I am being awful or not?

I was frustrated because we had already talked about some of this stuff but she was still mad. Then started saying I never cared about her because I missed her birthday last year (I was on a family trip).

If you have already apologized I would point that out to her, and ask her what else you can do to fix this. People that hold on to this type of grudge have other things going on in their lives. She may need to talk to you about those other things.

She has made it pretty clear she doesn't want to be friends anymore. Was I in the wrong?

Choosing BM's is a personal choice & what ever your reasons were I'm sure they weren't intentional on hurting her feelings. She should just understand & be a friend. As for skipping her table...a lot goes on the day of & you're extremely distracted. Again, not intentionally trying to hurt her feelings. It's very hard to please some people. At this point if you already apologized & tried reaching out to her then maybe give her space & try later or wait for her to realize.

Similar situation: we had a quince for my daughter this past weekend & I forgot to thank my aunt in my speech. Her feelings were hurt & she vented about it to my mom. I felt bad but hey it was an accident. She should know I'm extremely grateful for what she did.

Sounds pretty tough - maybe she's jealous that you are married (is she married)? But definitely she sounds like she's hurt because she thought your relationship was different than you did. It happens. She's dealing with that hurt pretty poorly. I'm so sorry.

You have a few options:

1. Work hard to try to salvage the relationship

2. Just let it go.

My personal position would be #2 - I've done #1 before and it never gets back to being the same even after apologies and tears.

We honestly got into a big argument about it and she has blocked me. She then started telling mutual friends how mean and awful I am and they stopped being friends with me too. I don't think this friendship is going to be fixed, which makes me sad, but I just don't understand it.

If you've apologized for not visiting her table at the wedding, you've done all you can. The rest of the problems are with her for being so upset about not being a BM or invited to the bachelorette.

Unless she tells you why you will never understand it...so sad that this happens, but people change and grow and not always together

Your'e not in the wrong but you're not in the right either..

It was a long string of perceived slights and, to a needy person, these can really sting.

Its a little needy and petty on her part, but this is her reality.

Honestly, as a sometimes needy and petty person, she'll soon be embarrassed and if you reach out in a year or two, she'll respond. I promise.

I understand why your friend would be hurt and upset by your decision; she likely felt that you were one of her top 5 best friends (or however many BMs you had) and that wasn't reciprocated. Sometimes realizing that you may not have the same importance in each other's lives can be a friendship breaker. BUT I don't think you're in the wrong. Everyone has to draw the line for their BP somewhere. It's really sad an I'm sorry for you, but I don't think you should feel guilty as long as forgetting the table visit was a true accident (it happens).

Telling you that she should have been a bridesmaid is out of line.

But think of this from her perspective. She thought she was one of your closest friends and would be one of a select few to stand up and be honored at your wedding. Instead, you didn't even go to her table.

She probably feels embarrassed and like she valued you a lot more than you valued her.

That hurts. It's like finding out when you're dating someone that while you see a future, they think of you as a fling.

She's not handling it well, but it sounds like she's incredibly hurt.

I mean, it is pretty rude to not even greet your guests, especially if she is a good friend as you say, but there is literally nothing you can do about that now.

You've apologized (how sincere she felt it was is a different story) but all you can do now is try to move on with her. You have no reason to apologize that she wasn't in your bridal party, or that she wasn't at your bachelorette party.

If she is taking what happened this personally I highly doubt it is just this. Have you tried talking to her to see if something else is bothering her? Does she have a lot going on personally?

I had a similar feeling to hers with one of my close friends who didnt invite me to be a part of her bridal party and I was really hurt, but what could I do about it but let it go. Now at her wedding she didnt pass by my table either but I didnt stress it because I know weddings are hectic. Instead I went up to her table said congratulations and gave her a hug. The next day she posted a photo of us at her wedding saying how thankful she is for our friendship. What im getting at is perhaps your friend should of also made an effort to come to you as well on your wedding day. She failed to do that and now wants to make it seem like you dont care about her.. Id say there may be some deeper feelings hurt than just your wedding. Like i said i was sad my close friend didnt ask me to be in her bridal party, but that wasnt enough for me to say she doesnt care about me.

Sorry for my late response, I was driving

Thank you for all your comments! Just because I didn't make her a bridesmaid, doesn't mean I didn't value her friendship (I know no one is saying that) and I told her that. I have a big group of friends and I didn't want 8 bridesmaids. I had my sister, my two closest friend and my friend I am also really close with and have known for almost 10 years.

As I said in another comment she also told me she was upset that I missed her birthday last year, which I had already apologized for at the time. I was going on a family trip. She never said anything else so idk what else I could have done to make her so upset. I always invited her out, asked how she was doing, listened to her problems.

I guess I am frustrated because we had already talked about all of these things and she told me everything was okay (Ill post the message). It's not that I "didn't greet my guest", I missed a table. My niece was having a breakout because of her mom so I took her away from everything to talk to her. When I got back it was time for speeches. I just forgot and the second I realized I apologized to everyone at that table. Everyone else said it was totally fine and they had come to me during the wedding to say hi.

Then we got together and talked in person and everything seemed fine

You don't have anything to apologize for as far as the BM thing and her not being invited to the bachelorette party, but she's allowed to have feelings about not being asked to be a BM, too. If you do want to keep trying to salvage the friendship, keep working to help her see that she means a lot to you. I feel like if the bachelorette party was a surprise party, her frustration about not being invited shouldn't even be directed at you. That was a decision made by your BP members not to invite other close friends to participate. It is what it is and you had no control over that. I hope your friend can see that.

I don't think she should make you apologize for not greeting her at her table for the rest of your life. You said you apologized, and that should be enough. I do think that it is a big deal that you missed a table of guests, and now understanding this girl was already feeling left out, it made it an even bigger deal to her that you didn't think to say hello to her once at your wedding. I get why she's upset. I get why even after an apology, she may still have some residual hurt feelings of neglect over this to work through. It seemed like from her texts she was willing to work through them and be friends, but her actions since aren't consistent.

I am wondering, though, what's the Banff thing she referenced? That wasn't the bachelorette party, was it?

Jennifer is upset because she got dumped out of the Banff trip. I would feel put out too if I was there for the planning/first idea and then wasn't invited. Everything else just piled on to the initial upset.

I would take her full name off the top of those texts. You're going to make it worse if she sees that.

The way I look at it. Is an adult should realize that people have many friends and family. There is life-long friends, high school friends, co-workers, family, siblings and your SO. Not EVERYONE can be included. Not everyone, no matter how special, can be in the bridal party. If you took in consideration everyone's feelings you would have 30 bridesmaids.

The fact that you didn't visit her table... ok I'm with her in that. That's kinda shitty. And I bet everyone at that table also feels that same way. They spent time and money to dress up and travel to your wedding. However, with that being said... your wedding is a hectic day. A lot of people, a lot of planning and coordinating.

I would try and take her out to lunch. Maybe get her a MEANINGFUL gift. With my BFF I get her a strawberry milkshake and I am forgiven.

Let face it. We are human. We all suck sometimes.

Sorry OP. That's all I got for ya. Good luck