I Lost a Friend Because of my Wedding

When you say you talked in person and everything was fine - then never heard from her again basically....that happened to me. my best friend (at the time) when she found out I got engaged she was not supportive. Instead her and our mutual friend invited me to dinner and basically interrogated me about my engagement. I was hurt and upset. We didn't talk for a couple months. We eventually sat down and talked it all out. We left that restaurant on good terms. Have I talked to her since that day? Nope. It's been about 5 months since.....Let your last conversation be seen as closure. Sometimes friendships just don't work out.

Ok so I just read the text in comments.

I kinda feel for her. I think the fact that you have many friends hurts her. Maybe it kinda points out that she doesn't have many friends. Which I can relate. I am the type that has a few really close friends rather than many average friends. If that makes sense.

I would just meet with her .. maybe do a spa day or something. Something just for the two of you

@BlueHenBride - I am not sure about that either. I think what might have happened is that I wanted to go to Banff for my birthday (which was a couple weeks before the bachlorette party) and she asked if she was invited and I said of course, but I didn't end up going to banff. There was two parts to the party, one with just the bridesmaids and the next part was with everyone and she was there.

@kate - I didn't invite her to Banff for that, I didn't know I was going there. She came to the second part of the party, when everyone was invited. I told her she could come to my birthday and I was planning on Banff, but that didn't work out. I think she might have gotten confused because the dates were pretty close

We did talk after those messages, thats when she got really upset with me and brought all that stuff up again. That's when she started called me slefish, aweful and so on

Sorry I hide the pictures because of the name

Last ones

When the Banff birthday trip did not work out, did you let her know it wasn't happening or just not follow up to give her details because there were no details?

So then she was invited to the bachelorette party? I don't get why she's upset if she was included.

@GoingBALDwin - I know, I feel super bad about it. As I said I apologized to everyone else at that table and they all said it was totally fine. The reason I missed that table is because my niece was freaking out about her mom and was almost in tears so I took her away from everything to make sure she was ok. When I got back I had no idea what I had been doing. Not trying to make an excuse but I would never miss a table on purpose.

I just don't understand why she would say everything was okay, then lose it on me later

So her feelings are clearly hurt. Try to keep that in mind here. You're frustrated but she's hurt. If she's an important friend I'd try to rectify the situation (talk with her, help her understand she's still a friend etc) and if she's not then don't worry about it. You did nothing wrong by not including her as a BM, but if it's a friend you want in your life, then I'd try to work through it personally

@BlueHenBride - Yes she knew the details. She was invited to my birthday (she wasn't able to come, which is fine), it just wasn't at banff. I don't know why she is upset about that. I honestly think she just got confused because my party was going to be in Banff. I had no idea we were going there and I had no say. The next evening there was a big party with everyone and she was there

How long ago were the texts? She doesn't seem mad at you at all. She seems extremely reasonable actually...

Ohhhhh so the birthday party was originally supposed to be in Banff, but you ended up doing something else instead, you kept her up to date on the new birthday plans, and then your BMs ended up taking you to Banff as a surprise for part one of your bachelorette party a few weeks later. Got it.

Yeah, it wasn't exactly under your control, but it looks bad. She was invited to a trip to Banff with you and because your BMs decided to revitalize that trip for your bachelorette party, this looks like the trip was moved and she was excluded from it after having been invited to the original Banff trip. It's just that you didn't decide to do this to her, your BMs did. I'm sure they didn't mean to do it, but it was inconsiderate.

It seems like there may be some jealousy towards you; you had this beautiful wedding and were surrounded by people and she mentions her feelings being hurt because you have so many people that love you that you've known for a really long time and she hasn't been around you that long. Even though she seems okay in those messages, maybe she's lashing out over her feelings of jealousy, or maybe she wasn't as okay with it as she lead you to believe. As frustrating as it is, if you've apologized and been open with her you've really done as much as you possibly can. It may be helpful to keep in mind that some of this might be her own issues and she's lashing out at you because she doesn't have a healthy way of dealing with them.

IslandGirl - those were from August and she lashed out at me in October. Saying the same things but in a much more harsh way.

It seems that she really thought that you guys were closer and I could understand her frustration. I think her ego was hurt a bit. If you really care about her and you want her in your life, you'll find ways to make time for her. That's how you figure out who genuinely cares. If you continue to plan family trips on her bday without consideration, then she's got valid reasons to be upset.

ChristinaNYC - Im sorry, but really? I didn't plan this trip my in-laws did. It was a FAMILY trip, I couldn't not go. It's not like I chose to go party with other friends instead. She missed my birthday for a similar reason, I wasn't upset.

I think she's overreacting completely. You apologized and she simply isn't accepting your apology. I get being hurt about thinking she was going to be a BM and then it not happening, but being an adult she should be able to get over those hurt feelings and move on from it. You've done everything you can, I would just try to move on for now.

I see where she's coming from. She might not be mad so much as she just sees your relationship differently now. That's the vibe I got from reading her message anyways. Originally, she thought your friendship was special and she felt "needed" by you, in a way. After the wedding, she saw that you were someone with a lot of friends and that she wasn't really a priority. Not that you are in the wrong for that, its not a bad thing to have a lot of friends. She is just someone who wants a few very close friends that she knows value her especially. She might be someone for who it takes a lot of energy to maintain a friendship (I definitely relate to that). After feeling that she is not a priority in your life she decided to take that energy elsewhere. That doesn't mean that she thinks that you are a bad person or that you did something wrong.

When she brings up the same incidences again and again, she is saying those are the things that made her realize that she wasn't a priority. Apologizing doesn't change that realization, because mostly you weren't in the wrong.

Man this is tough-- I feel for you both. Some people view the grunt work of helping out with a wedding or event a place of HONOR. FH and I designed our wedding so all our people have to do is show up-- I'm hoping everyone is ok with that LOL. It sounds like Jenn just really wanted to be involved in your day, even if you thought that her attending as a guest and not burdening her with tasks would be easiest on her. I feel for you both!