I need a good comeback! re:MIL and grandkids

My mom was pushing for another, but got upset that we were going to be "selfish" and looking into adoption. Just another reason we cut her out. FFIL has said that he'd be fine with us having another baby ASAP because he feels we can handle it. FMIL on the other hand would absolutely lose her shit. We're hoping that will be enough reason for her to not ask about it. She's asked about our sex life a few times and got really upset. Apparently laughing is not the appropriate response when someone asks if you're abstaining before the wedding.

She sounds like she needs a hobby/dog.

Grab FH by the shirt and say "Come on, honey. Your mom wants grand children now." and knock everything off the table in front of her and act like you are taking off your clothing. Lol.

Mine is grossly inappropriate.

"I guess we'll have kids when his spunk goes up my vag instead of in my mouth"

@Mrs. A & J that reminds me of the baby batter/ how do I know if we're trying to have kids correctly thread.

"Well I'm not sure if he's doing it right. Want to sit in and make sure his baby batter is ending up in the right place? No? Okay then"

Mrs A & J!!!!! My goodness!!!! Lol.

@Pancakes- time flies! I've been MIA since I got my new job too. No WW at work anymore

@jsarge- that's what I want to avoid. I just want her to stop hinting/asking/demanding grandkids. It's none of her business when we decide to start trying!

My FMIL does this too...not this bad yet, but I fully expect it will increase as the wedding gets closer, and after. She has 2 grandkids already, fortunately, or I'd hear it a lot more. I'm "old" (34), so I know we can't wait a long time or anything, but how is it any of her business?? I've gotten good at changing the subject. I also say "well, we don't even know for sure if we're going to have any" quite often - that brings the dream crushing looks. Also, FSIL dumps her kids off on FMIL all the time - I bet she's thinking that's going to be the case when FH and I have kids and it's soooo not. Sorry/not sorry.

These comebacks are hilarious - I hope I can remember some of them!

We're not even married yet and FMIL is getting pushy. FBIL and FSIL have been married for a little over a year, but live out of state so she knows that when they have kids that she won't see them as much. We've been together for over 9 years and we're not waiting long after marriage to start a family, however can't you let me get married first? I finally got FH involved and the pushiness has subsided a bit. He spoke with her on the side I guess.

Oh, she also wants to move in with us. Hah.

Wow @KWtobe- I would rather die than have mine or h's parents live with us.

@KWtobe - FMIL wants to move in with us too...what is that all about?! Thankfully, FH is completely against that.

Ask her to be your surrogate.

I agree with Zoe.

Disclaimer: I didn't read all the comments.

MIL, as soon as you pay off our student loans we can an afford a baby OR

MIL, can't have a baby in an apartment, but if you want babies that badly feel free to put the down payment on a house for us.

It's such a personal financial matter, it's so bizarre when people say that!

I hear this allll the time. It especially pisses me off when it's coming from FMIL, she just moved literally across the country from us so why the F does she care if we have kids that she would never see. I'm definitely going to be using some of these awesome comebacks!

My mom does this to my sister all the time. My sister has a plethora of medical issues that affect her fertility and brother in law has an aggressive Hodgkins Lymphoma. She is the only one working and is in school full time also. It's so so so rude of my mom.

Whenever anyone asks me I say "I have a black womb" or "Kris is getting a vasectomy" which is true.

TMI allert:

I actually am not able to carry, but people have asked me for a long time when I was going to have kids. there was one response that nailed it. that and I figure if people are going to ask such a question, it's their problem to deal with the answer they get.

some snot got on my case one too many times with the question and responded with 'I suppose I could, but my guy just think that pulling out is so dam* sexy - and I just love those colored condoms!' I was in one H of a mood, and when she got snotty with me I went on to give her all the graphic details as to why I think it's all so sexy- her laughing husband pulled her away and that was the last time anyone ever mentioned it from that group.

her husband actually thanked me later for telling her off, said he was getting tired of her mouth too!

"Ask me one more time and my answer is going to be NEVER."