i offered to throw a Bachelorette Party...appropriate to ask for $ contributions?

If you offered to throw the party - I’d say you’re responsible, but it can’t hurt to reach out to the mutual friends to pitch in.


Does everyone know they are responsible for themselves?

View Quoted Comment I haven’t sent out an invite yet.

I agree with the pp.
The only time I've contributed to a bachelorette party is if I was a part of the planning committee and the bridal party. My friend that got married last year I was invited to her Bachelorette and I did not contribute at all rather pay for my own dinner. If someone offered their help then you can accept it but it would come off rude to ask people to contribute to your plan. I would definitely think about your budget and what you can't afford to do. It sounds to me like you have some really good ideas but if it gets to be expensive then I would just cut back. Trust me I'm not trying to be rude to you whatsoever but I know if someone hosted a bachelorette outing and then message me to contribute a certain portion it would definitely rub me the wrong way.

I would eat the cost myself if it’s just for stuff like goodie bags. M

You can definitely ask the other bridesmaids to contribute what they can afford. Try to formulate a cost to present them with. Tell them you need the money upfront in order to continue with plans or it will have to be scaled down to what you can afford from your own pocket.


It wasn't up to the bride to invite a ton of people, but you work with the situation you have. Best of luck!

View Quoted Comment There are no bridesmaids. She got engaged just before Covid and is planning to elope. I wanted to be a good friend and make sure she had a bachelorette. She sent me the list with 30 people today and I’m kind of ticked. I can pay for it, but would rather everyone else chip in a bit. Don’t want to offend anyone though.

View Quoted Comment In that case, keep it simple to what you can afford with cake and decor. Skip the gift bags if cost is a concern. Yes you have a right to be ticked.

I think it's fine to ask people to contribute at least a little bit. I just had my bachelorette and I'm a little upset for my friends that some of them did and spent a ton and some did absolutely nothing. If I was invited to a bachelorette the first words out of my mouth would be "How can I help?"


That said, it's a little harder when there's no bridal party. 30 people is also WAY too many for a bachelorette. She/you should also make sure they know they won't be invited to the wedding. I would tell her you can't do an event this big and see if she can maybe cut it to 15 or so.

Yikes, that’s a lot of people to coordinate for regardless of who is paying! The bachelorettes I’ve been to have usually asked the girls to pay for their own attire (shirts or hats) but goody bags and decor are all on the host. You could ask some of the other close friends if they want to help. Personally I love party prep and would be happy to take over a task (like getting the cake, making a sash, bringing balloons) if I got to be involved, even if it meant a bit of personal cost. Otherwise, scale it back (haha)! Good luck 😊

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Wow, 30 people is a lot for a bachelorette party! I would just not plan on having much or any decor and skip the goodie bags. The guests should only have to worry about paying for their dinner unless they offer to help host.

To be quite honest, I would decline an invitation if I was given a bill for decor and goodie bags that I had no say in choosing or setting the budget for.

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A 30 person bachelorette....I’ve be kinda ticked too! I have never seen or heard of 30 person bachelorette lol. Personally, and I’m sorry if this is rude or wrong, but I’d ask for contributions from people who want to attend. I don’t think it’s fair to offer, and then have a bill for 30 people. That’s the size of a small wedding! Any bachelorette party I have attended, which isn’t a lot, I’ve paid my portion to attend.....even when not in the wedding party.

that’s so super nice of you to try and make sure she gets some of those bride experiences 😊

View Quoted Comment I agree with this
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30 people is a lot. I’d ask some mutual friends but also be careful because you don’t want them going to the bride complaining... maybe you can let her know you were thinking something smaller like 20 people max?

I've only been invited to one bachelorette party outside of my sisters and I was underage. The bride actually sent me a text message (I'm not sure if this is how it was sent to everyone) advising me of the very specific plans and what the cost of each activity was. I was to pay her directly prior to the events. I wasn't required to attend all the events and could have just went to dinner. But I declined the invitation since I wasn't in the bridal party, didn't know anyone besides the bride and felt kind of like an afterthought. If you have additional bridal party members, I think it's okay ask them for money towards the event (goody bags, even the brides share of dinner and drinks). I'm not against each person paying their way for dinner and drinks but they shouldn't have to pay for the goody bags or the brides share if they aren't in the bridal party.

I wouldn’t ask. I would just pay it. I would hope your bride understands that there is cost involved for you, but unfortunately it would be your responsibility.

Where I am from (Australia), anyone who attends a bachelorette pays their way to attend. This is usually because unlike bridal showers, these tend to have more activities or events built into them, and as you can imagine, get quite expensive. If anything, the more people that attend, the better it usually is because this way the costs are more proportionate.

You might have offered to throw the bachelorette, but that obligation you’ve undertaken is with respect to the planning and some (reasonable) costs. Especially if the bride has invited many people, you shouldn’t have to be out of pocket hundreds of dollars (if not more).

I would ask the bride for an exact list of who she has invited (and to the extent you don’t know the invitees, their contact details), and then, once you’ve worked out the cost per person reach out to everyone and put to them that everyone will be asked to contribute for their share of costs, equivalent to $X per person (factor the price of dinner/drinks into this) and that you require money from them PRIOR to the bachelorette by X date. If they don’t pay, they don’t come.

As others have said, anything beyond the necessities (such as decor) shouldn't be factored in, but most definitely reach out to everyone and ask them to contribute to the extent that the costs apply to each person attending (i.e. dinner, drinks, cake, any events etc).

View Quoted Comment I'm from the US (New England) and that's pretty much how it works here, too. Everyone other than the bride contributes. Having each person pay for meals ahead of time is convenient, but not required. If there's money left over, you can use it to buy people extra drinks or treats.

I wouldn’t ask guests to chip in. If you can’t afford extras like goodies bags you can skip them.
I’d also tell the bride that 30 was bigger than you anticipated for the guest list, and then tell her the max number you feel comfortable hosting.

It depends if you offered or you all had something to do with the planning

As someone who has been in both deep debt and better circumstances while attending bachelorettes, I'd recommend being aware of people's income discrepancies. Some people really don't have anything and its unfair to expect them to contribute towards your choices of cake/goody bags no one cares about. Had terrible experiences where I was sucked into so called friend's ridiculous soirees and just frankly told them I am too poor to be their friends. Ended sourly. A lot of other friends were in similar situations and we have parties everyone felt comfortable splitting the bills. Also have been in more coluntary contributions, feel those in the bridal party could chip in more or whoever felt they could contribute more.