i offered to throw a Bachelorette Party...appropriate to ask for $ contributions?

Personally as a bridesmaid previously, if we'd gone the traditional party route, I'd be absolutely shocked and uncomfortable by one singular girl taking us all out. I find it weird that you should bare the cost of the whole party. I would be mindfuk of everyone's unique financial situation, not make the costs super high. But if it's split among over 30 people hopefully the costs can be kept reasonable.

Skip the goodie bags and the decor. Maybe get the bride one of those cheap party veils, but that's it. Be very upfront with each guest that they're picking up their own tabs

This is very much a 'no good deed goes unpunished' situation. Sounds like the Bride got excited and now thinks you are going to pay for the small wedding she's not having. You should be in charge of the guest list. Set a budget within your means and make sure everyone knows that it is pay as you go. You did offer to host so any extras are part of that obligation. Otherwise, you are just organizing a get together and not hosting a party.

Maybe if you give us a little more detail on what you’re doing for the party? I’ve always contributed but this usually goes towards an overnight or two at a hotel and then whatever’s left will go towards decor, gifts, snacks, etc. As one of the hosts or bridal party members however, I expect to pay more than everyone else. If she truly wants all 30 people invited, I wouldn’t find it unreasonable to ask for $25-50 per person if they plan to come depending on what activities you’re doing and the length of the bachelorette party i.e. just one day vs multiple days.

Goodie bags and decor... Not something I would chip for because they don't really matter to anyone. I went to a Bachelorette night out for my friend getting married, and everyone brought over food and drinks to the host's house for before we went bar hopping. She just shared a list of what food and drinks (and decor) she needed help with, and guests were able to choose if and how they wanted to contribute (I provided cake pops, less than 20 guests).

Holy cow first off 30 people! Is she wanting a bridal shower or a bachelorette party?! Maybe clarify on that one because to me that is wayyyyyyyyyy too many people! I threw one with 20 people once and it felt like too many people and was so hard to coordinate and sooooo expensive! I would talk to the bride maybe and explain it all to her and see what her expectations for the event are.

I wouldn’t ask people to contribute to cake, goodie bags or decor. Unfortunately, that falls on the host. Can you have a heart to heart with the bride about her expectations?

I think asking the bridesmaids (or mutual friends) to help contribute is reasonable. Most times if you don’t ask, you won’t receive 😉

Just skip the cake, goodie bags and decor - none of these are necessary.

A) 30 people is way too many - that's unfair that she invited those people without asking you / running it by you!

B) Goodie bags, although cute, should probably go out the window in this scenario. So goodbye to goodie bags.

C) Decor - the hostess should probably cover this, and this is the ONLY thing that the hostess should cover 100% of. (One idea that's kinda decor, kinda "goodie bag-esque" would be cutesy customized drinking cups with "Jane Doe's Bachelorette"...each guest has their own cup, and they keep it at the end of the night)

D) Guests are responsible for their own dinner, their own drinks, and their portion of the bride's dinner and drinks (in this case, 1/30th). Whether you have it catered and then charge people on Venmo...or whether you make a reservation at a restaurant....it's on them, plain and simple. I would never expect the hostess of a bachelorette party to cover my food or drinks (ESPECIALLY one with 30 people).

E) Cake is a grey area. If I were you, I would make a homemade cake and some cupcakes and done it is. Truthfully, I never really pay attention to desserts at bachelorette parties, so I doubt people would miss it.

Overall, with such a large crowd, i would keep it veryyyy simple...and if someone feels passionate about ABC cake or XYZ decor, they can be the chairperson of that committee (aka fork over the dollars for it)

You offered to throw the bachelorette party. But, based on what you wrote, I don’t see what you’re actually hosting or covering yourself since everyone is paying for their own food/drinks. It seems as though you should at least cover the invitations, cake and decor (and skip “goodie bags”). But definitely don’t ask guests to pay for the entire party since they’re already paying for the food, drinks and a gift (it’s already weird that they’re paying for her own food and drinks at a party anyway).

Seems fine to ask guests to contribute toward activities but I wouldn't ask them to contribute toward goodie bags. Since those are gifts for guests, that's asking them to pay for their own gifts. And as others have mentioned, 30 people is way too much and that's not fair to you. Just skip the goodie bags.

View Quoted Comment If the invites haven’t been sent, I’d try sitting down with the bride and gently explaining what kind of event you had in mind. Whether that be more casual or a more intimate/smaller guest list. The other thing you can try is approaching a few mutual friends to see if they’d like to help plan and pay for a small bachelorette party. But again, the bride may suggest invitees but those who are paying should be able to decide how many you can afford to host. Although I don’t know the details, it’s quite like having your cake and eating it too if she wants a small elopement yet a huge bachelorette party. I would guess some invitees will take offense to this and decline, so there’s perhaps a silver lining.


I wouldn’t bother with the goodie bags. If I were going to a dinner & drinks bachelorette party, TBH, I’d rather the host pickup my first glass of wine than give me a shot glass that will sit in the back of my cabinet. 😂 A cake and a bride-to-be sash should be festive enough.

You planning, your paying is the proper way.

If I was invited and the planner (you in this case) sent out a group text and either asked for $ or ways to contribute, I'd most likely help. I prefer to have a job though then just send in $. So like "bring wine" or "buy the invites" or whatever.

View Quoted Comment

That's so excessive and inappropriate on her part. Maybe you need to have a sit down with her and just word it as "hey so this is what I had in mind but I have to admit that my budget can't stretch to do that for this many people. I want you to have a great time, but I think we either need to trim down the list or re-think what kind of party I'm able to throw for 30 guests."

I've never attended a bachelorette I didn't financially contribute to, but I was always a bridesmaid and you aren't in a typical situation. If I was one of those 30 invited guests and was asked to pitch in money, I would be both confused and annoyed.

I have been to a bachelorette party where the MOH/host asked everyone to chip in. It didn’t offend me, however, she did not ask everyone what their budget was. So, if you do decide to ask for people to chip in, be mindful of that.

You could also send a group text out and ask if anyone is interesting in co-hosting with you to take some of the cost off of you.

Goodie bags and decor are the responsibility of the host(s) of the party, not the guests. They're already paying for their own food and drink. They should not be asked to pick up additional costs for the party you're choosing to host. Host what you can afford. Nobody needs goody bags or elaborate decor.